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Archive for February, 2010

Chapter 35 is up at FF.net now.  I’ll have it on here sometime this weekend.  Thanks for reading it guys!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5390243/35/

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Taste Chapter 4 is up on FF.net and already here but here’s a link if you want to check it out there, and you know, leave me reviews cause I am a review whore.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5412456/1/Taste_of_Innocence

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It’s up over at FF.net and I’ll get 33 and 34 posted here today, I promise!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5390243/34/

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One Woman’s View On Tiger

I haven’t said word one about Tiger Woods since Thanksgiving and the whole late night accident, women coming out of the woodwork scenario.  Yeah, I’ve talked to my mother about it a little bit I haven’t written about it for one reason: it’s not any of my business what Tiger Woods does in his personal life.  I really don’t care if he bangs a new woman nightly.  I think it’s sad for his family and I feel for his wife but it doesn’t have anything to do with me.  He doesn’t owe ME an apology.

The press is frothing at the mouth over his “press conference” and how they are entitled to answers.  Entitled?  Why?  Does Tiger Woods’ sex life have anything to do with them?  Did it effect his performance on the golf course?  If it did, I’d say it probably effected it for the better so what the hell are they complaining about?

Tiger used the word “entitled” in his speech as well.  And I guess maybe the fact that I have always viewed “entitled” rich people in a negative light might be why I wasn’t remotely surprised when the women started running to the press screaming of their loving affairs with Tiger.  It’s probably a sad commentary on society, or maybe on me, that I fully expect rich, powerful people to be unfaithful to their families.  I’m not surprised when it’s the President, a famous actor or a famous athlete.  The simple fact is, these men and women have access to just about anybody and anything they want.  Do I justify them taking it, especially when they have a family waiting for them at home?  Hell no, but I get it.  We’re all tempted by something.

I remember how utterly shocked my mother was when the Tiger news started leaking, because she thought he was better than that, he was a good person.  She felt like the person she knew wasn’t real anymore.  But none of us know Tiger.  He’s a private person (or was) and all we got to see was a carefully maintained image.  Had we looked, though, I don’t think we would really have been remotely shocked when allegations came out.

Look at who Tiger’s best friends are:  Michael Jordan (who had extramarital affairs and even a grown son out of wedlock), Charles Barkley (uh hello, drunk driving to get a blow job ring a bell), Warren Sapp (also rumored cheater and recently arrested on domestic violence charges)…um, generally you are who you hang out with.  Is it any surprise that Tiger wasn’t the perfect family guy that we all decided he was?

I laughed when I heard that Golf Digest was boycotting Tiger’s speech today because they weren’t going to get to ask him any questions.  What does Golf Digest need to know other than when he’ll return?  Do they want photos of Woods’ getting it on with the women?  Do they expect him to give a timeline of when he started cheating?  What does it have to do with them?  What does it have to do with any of us?

Does Tiger owe the children who looked up to him an apology? Maybe…but that conversation is more important for a parent to have with a child than for a child to listen to on a television.  And frankly I wouldn’t want my kid thinking or hearing about such things but to each their own.

Does he owe an apology to the people who work for him?  Only for the distractions it has provided, the questions they’ve had to answer and/or avoid.  The same goes for his fellow golfers; he can apologize to them for them having to answer questions about him but many of them owe their publicity to him in the first place.  Sorry, but it’s true.  Tiger is the PGA to much of the world.  And I wouldn’t be so quick to cast stones in his direction if I were a fellow golfer, because I bet cash money that Tiger is not alone in the whole cheating business.

Does he owe you and me an apology?  No.  He owes us nothing.  If he owes us anything, it’s working hard to get back on the course where he belongs.  Golf is not the same without him and I know I don’t pay any attention when Tiger’s not playing.  I’d love to see him back on Augusta in contention but it’ll happen when it happens.

Tiger owes his wife and his wife’s family and his children and mother an apology.  He owes them answers and explanations.  He owes them heartfelt words.  Not us.  I’ve heard criticism already that Tiger was robotic…what’s new with that?  He pretty much always has been and he’s up there in front of the world exposing his sins…should he have cried?  Would you want to cry on the world stage?  I sure as hell wouldn’t.  Of course he read his speech word for word, the dumbest thing possible would be to get up there without everything written down.  And he didn’t even have to do that, no matter what the media would have us believe.

I’m not going to speak on what Tiger’s wife should do, if she should forgive him or not.  That’s up to her.  I doubt I could in her situation but I don’t have two little kids to think about either.  This situation is going to haunt Tiger for the rest of his life, no matter if he actually stood up and gave us a breakdown of every single act he committed.  That and his home strife is punishment enough for me.

Maybe I’m betraying my gender by not being more worked up about it but really it doesn’t matter to me.  These women knew he was married going into it and they were idiots if they thought they meant anymore than sexual gratification to him.  Should that offend me?  They knew what they were doing.  Elin is the only wronged party in that whole mess as far as I’m concerned.

I wish Elin and Tiger the best as they struggle to deal with the scrutiny that she in particular does not deserve.  I’m not going to look and/or listen to any more of it.  I’m not addressing it again.  One and done.  I’m just going to wait patiently to see that red Nike shirt again on Sundays.  That’s the only thing I need from Tiger Woods.

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Not So Lost Any More

The best Locke is NotLocke but I am still pretty partial to DeadLocke.

Well hello fellow Losties! I apologize for not posting last week but all you would have gotten was a giant WTF? about 283239 times over so I refrained.  I wanted to ponder what we saw and by the time I was done with that the next episode was on.  And I’m far happier for having watched it.

FINALLY!!!! we have the answer to the numbers.  And even though it spins out a whole new set of questions, since this has been plaguing us since season 1 I’m pretty darn happy that we got that much.  As we now know, the numbers correspond to Jacob’s list on the cave wall that NotLocke showed Sawyer.  Only 6 numbers remained, our fated 6 that we’ve been hearing from the beginning.  And those number corresponded with the names Shepherd, Locke, Forde, Jarrah, Reyes & Kwon. These are the possible candidates to be the new Jacob, protector of the island.

On the surface it would appear that that means Jack, Locke, Sawyer, Sayid, Hurley or Jin/Sun are eligible.  Not necessarily though.  Let’s not forget that Claire is Jack’s sister and disappeared and the Emperor Toga (whatever his name is) indicated that Smokey had her.  Just like he supposedly has Sayid.  What I actually think happened is that they murdered Claire and Sayid to try to make them a vessel of Jacob and for whatever reason it didn’t work.  That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re compromised by Smokey but Temple Freaks believe that.  We’ll see.

Anyway, since Claire is a Shepherd, so is baby Aaron.  And after we saw that random blond kid yelling at NotLocke about how he couldn’t kill Jacob, it seems a good possibility that young Aaron could be future island leader, at least in my mind.

I’m not sure how Locke is still on the list when he’s dead and his form is being used by Smokey, but whatever.  What’s interesting is who is not on the list that’s lived: Kate, Rose & Bernard.  Now we know Rose & Bernard are unimportant to the island, they’ve barely been on at all.  But Kate’s been all over the damn place and she was marked by Jacob as a kid so I’m surprised she’s not part of this.  Unless, of course, her part was to take care of Aaron; seeing as she’s helped with him in both our reality and the alt reality this seems to be highly probable.  If I were to dip into biblical terms, she’s kind of the Virgin Mary of the situation.  Hee, Kate a virgin, right!  But you get my point, I hope, that like Mary, she was given the responsibility of raising the chosen child.  Just a thought.

Tying Lost back to the bible is never going to be my forte, as my churchgoing is limited to once a year at Xmas, but I’ve read enough biblical comparisons that I feel pretty comfortable with the parallel.  Even if Jacob is not exactly God and Esau/NotLocke is not exactly the devil; Tripp pointed out to me that they are probably good/evil and they are both needed to balance the scales.  This was backed up quite prominently when there was actually a scale in the cave holding a white rock and a black rock and NotLocke threw the white rock into the water.

In other island news, Ilana whined about her dead compatriots and I didn’t care and rooted for Ben to kill her.  Alas, he did not but he gave the awesomest of burial speeches for DeadLocke and made me happy all the same.  “He was a good man, a true believer, blah blah and I’m very sorry I murdered him.”  HEE!  I loved how everybody was like WTF? and Frank was all hilarious with his commentary about the craziness.

Sawyer is hanging with NotLocke and he was given the option to become the keeper of the island or to get the hell off and not surprisingly Sawyer took the road that would get him home.  Once his friends start dying, though, methinks he’ll get the hell away from NotLocke.

Richard was also given the option of partying with the dark side but he chose the light.  I still don’t get him.  I guess if we’re paralleling again, he’s some sort of disciple?  A true follower that never waivers.  Hmm…so who’s our Judas?  Ben?  Do we not have one yet?

In other news, this was a Locke episode off the island which you knew I was not going to truly like.  I was smacked over the head with his wussiness time and again and did not enjoy it.  Though I did laugh when his lift didn’t work right and he fell on the lawn and got sprinkled. hehe I’m an evil bitch and would totally hang with NotLocke and Ben.  I admit this freely.

Anyhow, in alt reality Locke still has beloved Helen but he does not have his job, cause they were pissed that he lied about his trip to Australia.  He then runs into Hurley who offers him a job within his company and sends him to none other than Rose.  Locke gets pissy about what he can and can’t do and Rose smacks him down with her “I have terminal cancer, you’re just in a wheelchair, I win” and tries to help him find a job he’s qualified for.  How that turns out to be teaching in a high school is beyond me but that’s where he ends up.

Ladies & Gentlemen, you're European History teacher! Hee!

And who is there?  None other than one Mr. Benjamin Linus, that’s who!  I about fell over when I heard his voice in the teacher’s lounge, bitching about the person forgetting to change the coffee filter.  Then Locke announces that he wants tea (like what, Ben is going to serve him? Bitch please!) and Ben turns around, excited to have a man of taste on board.  He introduces himself as the European History teacher.  Hehe Can you imagine beady-eyed Ben as your teacher?  I’d be freaked the hell out, that’s for sure.  I love him so.

Also, while Locke was in the midst of his billionth whine about his life sucks, he told Helen that he was not going to meet with Jack for his free consult and together they ripped up the card.  Jackass.  I was hoping Jack might kill him on the operating table.  Oh well, I guess one DeadLocke is all I’m going to get for now.

So, what else?  I’m thrilled to see Ben being Benlike again, you can’t keep that crazy guy down for long.  I laughed when he lied and told Ilana that NotLocke had killed Jacob, that might come back to haunt them at some point.  She gathered up some of his ashes, which I found interesting.  Very Smokeylike, no?  Maybe they need those to make TrueJacob rise in whomever agrees to house him.  Right now my money is on Jack who is NewLocke, or over course Aaron.  We shall see.

Soooo that’s it for now, hopefully next week will have more awesomely stunning revelations and we can talk about em here!

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Feast or Famine

You know I love it when they're in suits

This week’s Supernatural, My Bloody Valentine, might have been one of the more gory gorefests I’ve ever seen in my life.  It was so sickening that I really can’t even go back and do a rewatch.  The “meat” of the episode doesn’t really matter anyway, in typical Supernatural fashion, it was the last 5 minutes or so that were so damn important.  We’ll get to that soon enough.

Cas was adorable up til the meat.

So our boys go to a town where a couple literally eats one another alive (yeah that’s how the episode started, yum!).  More deaths occur and Sam finds marks on the victim’s hearts that are angelic symbols so in comes Cas.  I must say, despite the grossness that invaded much of the episode, Castiel was even more adorable than usual from his conversation with Dean on the phone to his burger eating (not so much the raw meat though).

Yes, Cupid is a man in a diaper

Cas figures out they’re dealing with a cherub or Cupid so they go hunting for the thing.  Dean’s horror at the idea that there is a big diaper wearing baby flitting around the world was great.  As was his reaction to said big diaper wearing man hugging him.  And Sam.  And Cas.  Lots of hugging of Cas after Dean and Sam made him their official spokesman.

It's interesting that Castiel's hand mojo is similar to Sam's.

Cupid was reduced to tears when he found out all his lovebirds were dying but swore that he wasn’t involved.  Dean insulted him and he took off, as sensitive men in diapers tend to do.  Castiel realizes that another of the horsemen has appeared, Famine, and he’s basically making the town feed of their hungers.  Gorging themselves to death on food, sex, alcohol, whatever.

Sam runs across one of the demons a few times and finds himself drawn to the blood again, Famine working on his hunger if you will.  He manages not to succumb the first time but the demon gets away and informs Famine that Sam is in town.

Cas, meanwhile, is chowing down burgers like they’re nobodies business and he’s truly adorable while doing so.  As was Dean’s reaction to Cas’ unending eating.  Castiel asks why Dean isn’t overcome by his desires (God to make Dean overcome by desire, hehe) and Dean tells him it’s because when he wants things, he gets them.  Castiel accepts that but all episode Dean was “off” and Sam kept trying to call him on it but Dean wouldn’t tell him what was wrong.

Sam tells Dean that he can’t help in the search for Famine because his hunger is overcoming him and he begs Dean to make it impossible for him to get out.  Dean handcuffs him to the sink in the bathroom and Cas moves a dresser against the drawer so he can’t get out.  Dean’s face, when Sam revealed that he was tempted, just ripped through me.  He was so disappointed and you can feel it coming again, that potential, final rift between the brothers.

Anyway, Famine is not about to let his favorite suit of Satan be locked away so he sends his demons to let him free.  Except, not really, because he really sent them so Sam would feed on them, which indeed he does.  And just like that, the mojo is back.  He drinks from one demon and uses the Mojo Hand to throw the other against the wall to wait his turn.  All this was said with bloody lips.  Ick.

Castiel stops eating long enough to go into the diner that Famine is occupying.  He’s supposed to cut off his finger and pop back into the car but he doesn’t appear a couple seconds later so Dean goes in and finds Cas eating raw meat (this was the not cute portion of Castiel’s role).  Dean is of course captured by several demons and brought forth to face Famine.

Here’s where we get to the truly important stuff so I’m going to transcribe what matters:

Famine: Hunger doesn’t just come from the body, it comes from the soul.

Dean: Funny, it doesn’t seem to be coming from mine.

Famine: Yes, I noticed that.  I wonder why that is.  How you can even walk in my presence.

Dean:  I like to think it because of my strength of character.

Famine: I disagree. He touches Dean’s chest.  Yes, I see.  That’s one deep, dark nothing you got there Dean.  Can’t fill it, can you?  Not with food, not with drink, not even with sex.

Dean:  You’re so full of crap.

Famine:  You can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself but you can’t lie to me.  I can see inside you Dean.  I can see how broken you are.  How defeated.  You can’t win and you know it but you just keep fighting.  Just keep going through the motions.  You’re not hungry, Dean, because inside you’re already dead.

Fuck!  Can I just say that?  I wanted to reach through my TV screen and rip Famine to shreds for saying those things about Dean.  At first I was thinking he was implying that Dean had no soul.  And that was just fucking unacceptable.  There is no way that man doesn’t have a soul.  He cares too much about people and the world and everything for that to be possible.  So, I think I’ve ruled out that as what Famine was saying but I’m sure rameau will help me work through that.

As long as he’s not saying that Dean has no soul, I’m okay.  Though I’m really not because Dean is broken and he knows it and Sam knows it but Dean won’t admit to it.  It’s easier just to ignore it so he can keep fighting.  But he doesn’t believe they can win.  It won’t stop him from picking up the sword and fighting but if you don’t believe, if your heart isn’t really in it, what is the point?

I thought it was apt that in the flashbacks they showed the not real doctor asking Dean how in the hell he got out of bed everyday with the weight of the world on his shoulders.  He’s just so damn amazing to me.  That he would take on Lucifer like this when he doesn’t believe he’s going to win.  What an epic character.

Anyway, Sam comes in, bloody and mojoed up and Dean just says “Sammy, no,” when he sees him.  Famine tells him he sent the demons as a gift for him just so he could feed and he could have the other demons if he wanted them.  Dean’s face…Jesus.  He was so horrified and sad and hurt.  A+ for Jensen in this episode.  He ripped my own heart out with his expressions alone.  And then the end…well we’ll get to that.

Dean begs Sam not to eat them and Sam expels the demons from the bodies but doesn’t partake in anymore eating.  Famine decides if he won’t take them, he will and he sucks the demons inside him.  Again, Dean’s face watching Sam expel those demons was shocked and horrified.  To the point where he could have easily cut off the ring but he didn’t move.

Sam tries to mojo Famine but he’s told it won’t work on him.  Sam says he’s right but it’ll work on them and he proceeds to kill Famine from the inside, I guess ironically killing him with his own hunger.  Dean then looks at Sam like he’s…I don’t even know.  Scared?  Hurt?  Destroyed?  Lost?  A combination of stuff I guess.  Again it slayed me.

Then, as if it wasn’t enough, Sam’s locked back up in Bobby’s special room while Cas and Dean stand outside, Dean drinking.  Cas tells Dean that it’s not really Sam in there and Dean says he know.  Dean says he just needs to get some air, not able to hear Cas’ platitudes.

He wanders the junkyard and drinks his whiskey and then looks at it as if he knows that’s not the answer.  His face falls and his eyes tear up and he looks to the sky.

“Please.  I can’t.  I need some help.  Please.” And I fucking lose my shit all over the place even watching it a second time.  He destroyed me with that.  Dean’s turned to heaven what, twice?  Both times after he realized Sam’s addiction to the demon blood and saw what he could do.  Dean, who really doesn’t believe in the whole God heaven stuff, even with the angels, is asking for help.  He’s so damn lost.

I actually saw rameau tweet something wondering why Dean got all the psychological torment while Sam gets the physical and she’s so very right.  She said it better than I did, of course, but my God.  Dean can live through the physical pain but to see what he’s going through mentally..it rips at the viewer’s soul.  Or mine at least.

Dean’s always been among my favorite characters but episodes like this place him above and beyond other characters I love.  I want to fix him.  I just want to take him the hell away from everything that hurts him and let him smile for crying out loud.  It’s funny because again, this episode purported to be about Sam’s addiction but instead it was about Dean’s torment.  At least for me.  But I’m a Dean girl and I never tried to hide that.

So we have to go something like 5 weeks without new episode, during which I will not be able to forget the pain on that beautiful face while he begged heaven to help him.  You can see why he’s likely to give in to Michael now.  At least, one way or another, it will end the fight.  And he’s scared of Sam’s power.  Drinking from two demons made him stronger than he was last time he was working the mojo.  I honestly don’t see how Sam’s going to survive in the end and I don’t see how Dean will survive if Michael uses him to kill him.

On that bright and lovely note, I’m going to end this.  I cried from the time Famine put his hand on Dean and I’m still teary typing.  I just truly hope when it’s all said and done there’s a way to bring Dean some peace.  He needs it.

PS If I can bare to look at screencaps of the end of the episode I will post some of Dean’s facial shots when they’re up.  They said so much without the words.

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Chapter 32 is up at ff.net.  I’ll get it and chapter 31 loaded on here soon.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5390243/32/Sacrificial_Lamb

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