Sports Shorts

I’ve been negligent in my sports commentary since football season ended.  I know it, I just haven’t been into sports at all now that football has gone and even things I love, like the draft, failed to stir me out of my sports funk.  This is in large part due to hating everything that my former team, Tampa Bay, has done this off season; from releasing Derrick Brooks and Warrick Dunn to drafting a project QB in the first round to spending a fortune on a tight end with an attitude problem.  Hated every single part of it and still not hyped about the upcoming season.  Derrick has yet to sign anywhere and I’m waiting patiently to see if he will sign for someone I can root for.  I’ll continue to root for the Pats, of course, but right now the Bucs are dead to me and they’re going to have to work pretty hard to get back my love.

Despite my lack of interest, I haven’t turned a blind eye to sports these past few months.  I still watch PTI every day and Sportscenter more than is healthy.  I still check my Cardinals box scores feverishly even though their early fast start has come to a screeching halt.  I could tell you who the teams in the NBA playoffs are, even though I have never cared for basketball.  So I am on top of things, I’m just not enamored of them like usual.

That’s not to say that there aren’t some things going on that I don’t care deeply about.  I start with the latest, the release of Michael Vick from prison and the resulting “where will he land?” conversations.  I know Michael Vick served his time and I know there are players in the NFL and other sports who probably have done worse than Vick and not paid as dearly as he did for his crimes.  I get that.  Hey, if it was up to me the Leonard Little’s of the world would not be gracing the football field.  The fact that he is doesn’t change the fact that Michael Vick sickens me and I will never root for any team that takes him (and yes, I have heard the speculation that the Pats could go there…they better not).  If you’ve read any of my TV blogs you know that I can deal with all the horrors and tortures that people do to one another but anytime they kill an animal, I can’t stand it.  And I realize that is probably silly and we’re talking fiction vs. real life, but the truth of the matter is, I will never forget what Vick did and I will never forgive what Vick did.  If he wants to partner with the Humane Society and speak to the ills of dog fighting, that’s great.  I’m all for it.  But does he believe it, or is he doing it simply because he needs some good PR?  Cause I have to figure he doesn’t value an animal’s life anymore now than he did prior to prison.  He just values a paycheck and his livelihood.  If he can perhaps influence some of the other morons of the world that consider torturing animals a form of entertainment, good.  It doesn’t mean I have to support him though.  It doesn’t mean I have to cheer for him.  As far as I’m concerned he’s a thug and a murderer.  Scum.  He was a thug before he got money and he was a thug after he got money.  Will he be a less of a thug after prison?  I don’t know.  A part of me is glad a man like Tony Dungy is reaching out to him, another part of me doesn’t want Tony soiled by his presence.

I, of course, have no say as to what Roger Goodell does when it comes to reinstating Mike Vick.  It’ll happen, be it with or without a suspension for lying.  But I do have the right to say that I’m not going to root for any team that takes him.  I won’t watch a game in which he plays.  I find it interesting that everybody seems to think he’ll just waltz onto a team and be able to play anyway.  He hasn’t been on a football field in 2 years.  I doubt prison life was great for his speed and agility.  So here’s hoping it’ll be a nonissue and he won’t be able to cut it anymore.  Let him get a real job like the rest of the world and learn what it’s like to work for a living.  Let him stay the hell away from any four legged creature.  Let him prove that he can be a decent person before rolling out the red carpet, okay?

The other big football news, as always and forever, is the never ending saga of Brett Favre.  I didn’t write a post celebrating his “retirement” because I knew…I knew that he’d pull this bullshit again and we’d be stuck with months of “Will he?” or “Won’t he?”  Now he’s courting the Vikings and vice versa and everyday we’re getting breathless reports on whether or not he’s getting shoulder surgery.  I don’t give a damn.  I can’t even make myself have rage over it because it was so expected that he’d pull this again.  He just can’t stand not having his name out there.  Next year we’ll be talking about this again.  I won’t ever believe he’s done.

Jon Gruden is joining the MNF booth and I’m pretty delighted.  I love Tony Kornheiser as much as the next gal but he didn’t add anything to games and often took away by interjecting something pointless.  Gruden is always a good quote and I hear that he did well on the NFL draft coverage on the NFL Network (which of course I would not know due to not having the NFL Network, thanks Brighthouse and NFL!) so I’m looking forward to hearing what my former coach has to say.  I think he’ll go well with Jaws and Tirico.

I’m not freaking out about Tiger Woods yet but I am getting slightly worried about his ability to close out wins.  I want Tiger to excel, he’s the only reason I remotely pay attention to golf.  He needs to contend.  While I’m talking golf, thoughts are with Phil and Amy Mickelson as she fights breast cancer.  There are few words scarier than “cancer” and having dealt with it in my family, it’s something that I wouldn’t wish upon anybody.  They seem like great people and I am sending some prayers their way.

I’m not paying much attention to baseball but I do know my Cards have fallen apart with injuries to Ludwick and Ankiel, not to mention having a cobbled together pitching staff.  Carpenter is back tonight and I wish him well but I have no faith that he won’t be injured again in a couple weeks.

Well those are the main sports things I felt like discussing.  Plenty of other stuff has gone on but it’s all flown out of my head at the moment.  I will try not to wait so long for my next sports post, not that they get read like my TV ones. hehe  Back at ya later!

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Just Call Me The Commish

Watch out, Finchem, I'm gunning for your job!

While watching my daily dose of PTI (Pardon The Interruption for the non-ESPN watchers) last week I was astounded when Wilbon & Kornheiser welcomed their guest for 5 good minutes.  He was introduced as Timothy Finchem, the commissioner of the PGA.  Did you know that the PGA had a commissioner?  Have you ever heard that name before?  I honestly had no clue there was a Commissioner of Golf, or why they’d even need one.  I guess to manage the money but seems an accountant could do that well enough.  It fascinated me and I got to thinking, could there be any better job than PGA Commissioner?  I’m sure the guy makes great bank and has few headaches, right?  That got me to comparing the various sports commissioners and weighing which job was better.  Hence this blog.  I’m not going to include the BCS Commissioner because being the commissioner of a league that lets computers decide its champion is a thing of shame, not to be glorified in a blog by me.

So, from worst to first:

MLB Commissioner:  Do you think Bud Selig is having any fun these days?  His biggest star admits to doing steroids, Congress continues to cast a baleful glare in his direction, two of his former biggest stars are getting ready to go on trial for steroids and lying to Congress, the All Star game decides home field advantage in the World Series…that’s a whole laundry list of problems.  And the fact that Selig turned a blind eye to the problems in baseball coupled with his kowtowing to the player’s union for years and years makes this job rather unappealing to me.   Not to mention just waiting for the hammer to drop and other names to come out.  I get an ulcer just thinking about it.  Nope, I wouldn’t want to be Bud.

NHL Commissioner:  I had a hard time placing this one.  On the one hand, hardly anybody watches hockey so you kind of get to exist in a vacuum.  Nobody really knows if you suck, because nobody really cares.  But that has to affect profitability, right?  The fact is they have been unable to find a star with drawing power.  Wayne Gretzky left and I don’t think the sport has been the same.  I’ve heard some not so pleasant things about Gary Bettman’s reign as commish, but I also heard that he improved the game somewhat with that OT shoot-out business.  The simple fact is, I couldn’t pick him out of a lineup, but at least I know his name.  He lands at #4 simply because his sport is pretty irrelevant.  Oh, and it’s too long for my taste, they crown a champ and it feels like they’re back to playing a month later.  Minus points for that.

NFL Commissioner:  Ahh Roger Goodell time!  The NFL is the #1 sport in America, so the job would appear to be the best of all of them when it comes to that factor.  Profits rise every year (unless you’re Detroit) and the league enjoys a lack of public scrutiny when it comes to things like steroids and drug testing.  This is because they have had stringent tests for years, although one suspects that the players are smarter than the tests.  Nobody cares like they do in baseball though, we just wanna win!  The reason this job is not the most appealing is because of the outside elements you have to deal with as commish.  The Pacman Jones’ of the world, if you will.  With each team having 53 players, it only takes one per team to create a lot of strife.  Dealing with the Mike Vicks and Plaxico Burress’ of the league would not be fun.  Nearly weekly someone is getting in trouble for something, be it drugs or DUI or shooting yourself in the thigh.  Points deducted for the troublemakers and the sheer number of people you’re dealing with and NFL Commish falls to the 3 spot.

NBA Commissioner:  I don’t watch the NBA, but I know who David Stern is and I could pick him out of a lineup.  I could pick him out because he scares me.  I would finger some other guy for the crime and hope that Stern would reward me in some way.  Basketball players are apt to fall into the same kind of trouble as football players are, pot smoking seeming to be the chief no-no they get nailed with.  But there are far fewer players to deal with here, so there’s less to worry about.  Hell, the #1 or #2 star in the league was charged with rape years ago and that affected nothing.  Points are deducted here because the NBA remains only the #3 sport of the big 4, with no signs of ever moving up the list.  Despite having some stars with name power, Lebron and Kobe, they’re still not MJ or Magic or Bird.  Your random person doesn’t care.  So Stern only gets #2.  I hope he refrains from hurting me!

PGA Commissioner:  Yep, that’s right, the guy I’ve never heard of, Tim Finchem, gets the top spot.  Think about it, who’s the league troublemaker?  John Daly right?  And everyone STILL loves the guy.  Nobody wants him punished, they want to sit down and have a beer with him.  Sure, you have Sergio take the occasional spit into a cup, but if that’s your biggest problem then you’re sitting on gold.  Your biggest concern is to make sure Tiger Woods is happy, right?  He was on PTI to celebrate Tiger’s return and what it means to the PGA.  Your #1 superstar is never going to get arrested for beating a woman or doing drugs.  He’s the ultimate family man and world ambassador.  Stern and Goodell would laugh at Finchem if he ever called them to complain about any of Daly’s silly acts.  Timmy gets to sit back and count his coins and maybe play a round or two of golf.  Tough life.

So there you have it.  There’s no better commissioner’s job than that of the Tim Finchem’s.  I’m aware that I have no idea what kind of administrative coordination these guys do, I’m sure it’s involved and whatnot but I still figure the PGA dude has it the best.  So, I’d like to throw my hat in the ring.  I’m running for PGA Commish.  Watch out Finchem!

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Nole’s Notes

Nothing brings out the manlove like winning the Super Bowl. Photo from Getty Images.

Now that the NFL season is officially over, I guess I have to turn my attention to other sports.  I’ll be honest with you, other sports do not entrance me the way football does, but I do pay attention to headlines and major happenings for the most part.  So I’ve decided to do a weekly Notes Blog wherein I discuss the major sports happenings of the week.  It will be football, baseball, tennis, hockey, basketball, whatever strikes my fancy.  Without further ado, let’s hit it!

• Today is national signing day for the college recruits.  Well, most of them, for some reason some of them don’t commit today and commit several weeks from now.  So why have a deadline?  I really don’t get that.  Anyway, today us college football lovers get excited about all of these random people we never heard of before and get depressed over missing out on other top recruits.  I hope on espn.com and seminoles.com to find out what my Noles are doing and where they’re rated and who we’ve got and who we might get.  I get rather obsessive about it and refresh every half hour or so.  And today I ask myself why?  I don’t know these kids.  I don’t know anything about them other than somebody slammed 5 stars next to this guy and only 3 next to that guy.  Doesn’t really mean they’ll kick butt on the field, I’ve seen many of the top recruits flame out over the years.  But still, I care, and I get excited!  Go Noles!  We did land the top DT in the nation apparently, which pleases me, as well as high rated cornerbacks and safeties and a kicker.  All positions of major need so I’m content.  So, hope you’re having a blast college football gurus, may your school land those top recruits and may everybody decommit from USC and UF just because I hate them.
• So everybody’s all up in arms about this Michael Phelps marijuana smoking picture.  Some of the morons in the media blasted him for letting his picture get taken.  Hello, I don’t believe he knew it was.  Also, he is a 23 year old and he will do the occasional stupid thing.  That’s what happens in the early 20’s.  He admitted it, which was pretty stand up of him, because I saw the picture and it really didn’t even look that much like him.  I’d have gone with the lie personally, but then I happen to be an accomplished and awesome liar.  Now apparently the police are thinking of charging him.  Can you charge someone for a picture?  I mean, you may as well hit myspace right now and get your warrants ready.  What a bunch of bull.  Leave him alone, lesson learned, moving on, get in the pool and win some more gold medals in 4 years.  Thanks, buh bye.
• Apparently indictment records against Bonds were released this week and lo and behold, he tested positive for steroids.  This is GROUND BREAKING NEWS.  I was not aware of this information!!!!  I mean, I know he doubled his size right in front of our very eyes a couple years ago, but I assumed it was natural.  He was probably hitting Taco Bell and McDonald’s every night.  I can grow to twice my size very easily when I do that and I’m not on the roids!  Truly, I am sick of this story.  Get a trial going or don’t, I really don’t care anymore.  I am tired of Barroid and want him gone.  It doesn’t matter if he goes to jail or just goes home and counts his money and throws baseballs at passers by from his bedroom window.  Just go away!
• Roger Clemens, the same goes to you.  We know you did roids, you know you did roids, why are we all still talking about it?  Government, put up or shut up.  We’ll see if the vengeful media punishes Roger and Barry or if they usher them into the hall of fame with their not very valid we don’t know when he used argument.  If you’re going to keep Big Mac and Palmiero and others out, you keep those two out too.  Period.
• Kobe broke the scoring record at Madison Square Gardens the other night, got 61 there I guess.  That’s cool I suppose, not as cool as the 81 he got a couple of years ago.  It appears that nobody will ever beat Wilt’s record which is a shame, I live to watch records fall and I would actually tune in to a basketball game if there’s a possible scoring record on the line.
• What was going on in Pittsburgh on Tuesday?  I’ve seen some clips of the Super Bowl celebration party and that was the quietest damn crowd I’ve ever seen.  What, #6 is just passe now?  Ramp up the celebration, peeps!  Bring the energy, it’s cold out there so you should be yelling and whooping it up!  Perhaps William Gay’s retarded rap song stunned them all into silence.  I could understand that.  The record execs will not be knocking down your door Willie.
• Manny Ramirez remains unsigned and the Dodgers are getting a little bit tired of him turning down their rather large contract offers.  Albert Pujols of my St. Louis Cardinals is pushing for my spendthrift owners to get off their butts and bring him there.  At first I was horrified by this idea but then I thought of the beauty of having and Albert/Manny combo at 3/4 and I decided I could suck it up and deal with the Manny drama.  Do it!  Do it now, Cards!  It’s not like you’ve bothered to do anything to improve the team this off season, so there should be some cash lying around for Manny.  Albert with keep him reigned in, I have faith in that!
• I guess there was some epic tennis this past weekend.  Can’t say that I watched, but Federer/Nadal round 2938293 or whatever it was was a long battle that drained them both.  Nadal came out the victor and Federer had a heartfelt teary speech.  Nadal came back with his own honoring Federer.  Awesome display of sportsmanship.  Serena won again as well, go Williams Sisters.  I don’t follow the sport but I do follow them and I love that she’s still winning at an age when most tennis chicks are retiring.
• The Cardinals offensive coordinator is interviewing for the KC job.  He and Pioli have a history together so that’s a pretty good possibility.  If he goes that will probably be good for the Cards when it comes to retaining Boldin, but who can say what it means for Warner?  Haley’s done a great job with that offense and deserves another head coaching job.
• I didn’t do a Super Bowl commentary, by the time I thought about it I was immersed in Heroes blogging and Days drama and Idol in Hollywood, so the opportunity slipped past me.  But I will say that was the best Super Bowl I’ve ever seen.  I know it was quiet in the 3rd quarter but since I knew that AZ could score quickly I remained riveted.  Worked out well all in all.  My heart was broken for the Cards, that had to have been a major gut punch to lose; but the football fan in me was thrilled with the last minute TD by Santonio Holmes.  Gorgeous play, fantastic game.
• There should have been a longer review of the Warner fumble at the end of the game.  I hate to have a game that good end somewhat questionably.  No matter where you fell on was it or wasn’t it, you have to agree it should have gotten more than cursory glance in the booth.  I would have loved to see Warner get a shot at the end zone with Fitz and Boldin waiting.

So those are the big things on my mind this week.  I hope you liked this format, I’ll be happy to stick with it if people like it.  If it seems like I’m just talking to myself I’ll call it quits, because I talk to myself all the time and I could save myself some future carpal tunnel treatment if ya’ll don’t like it.  Let me know!

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