Holding Out For A Hero

Like that Bonnie Tyler 80’s song of yore, the young women of Salem seem to be holding out for a hero, a big strong man to come along and give them guidance and purpose in their lives.  The concept of the hero has of course dominated soaps since the beginning and it’s a staple that will never go away and I’d never want it to.  The supercouples of Days have had many moments of the hero rescuing his lady from some sort of peril and that’s great, because we’ve also had the woman rescue the man.  Hope & Kayla have done plenty of bailing their men out of peril as well.  But somewhere along the way this concept has gotten completely lost when it comes to the young women of Salem.  They’ve all become weak minded, simpering little idiots who cannot function without their man.

Taking them on a case by case basis, we’ll start with Stephanie.  For what feels like eons now, Stephanie has been crying and whining because her “twu wuv” Max was being a moody prick.  When Stephanie first appeared on the screen, she was supposed to be this tough race car driving chick who could hang with the guys at the track.  Then we saw her with Jeremy, getting abuse and pretty much taking it.  She did verbally challenge him here or there but she kept forgiving him for his actions and letting him back in.  Then she was raped by Ford, which of course would be something that would change and affect a character.  She fell back in love with Max and they really did start out sweet.  Then the secret genius storyline played out and Max became an asshole to her and she just stood by and cried and took it.  She was being the “good girlfriend” as her grandmother put it, standing by her man even though he was shutting her out.  Ok, I didn’t like it but I could kind of understand it.  I think they took it too far, there’s being supportive and being a doormat and there’s a difference.  She was a doormat in my eyes.

Now Max’s super secret geniusness is revealed and he backed off from being such a dick about it.  He still has his moments of course, but he’s less prickish than he was in the recent past.  So you’d think that Stephanie would be able to revert back into form as well, but no.  She had a holy fit when she found out Max had the audacity to leave the country to find his sister without telling her.  She cried and acted as if she’d been left at the altar.  In fact, the way she and Caroline acted you’d think Max was a 5 year old who ran away from home.  It was very annoying.  Anyway, instead of doing something with her Max free time, find a job or attending classes or telling Chelsea she’s a moron, she instead takes off to join Max on the longest train ride through France that ever existed.  It’s like she could not comprehend of spending a moment without her twu wuv so she took off after him.  I guess it’s supposed to be some kind of grand adventure for Stax but right now it’s nothing but a big snooze.  She just looks weak and needy to me, like she can’t stand to be alone without Max.  And sadly, right now, she’s the best of the three girls in my eyes.

Moving on, we next have Morgan.  Who is this Morgan that’s been on my screen for the last few weeks and can we send her back from whence she came?  Morgan started off as a rather feisty girl who broke down the stereotype of the typical sorority sister.  I assumed she’d be vapid and bitchy but she was actually pretty sweet and stood up for her friends.  I liked her paired with Max and was a bit annoyed when they abruptly broke them up to go the way of Stax, but I wasn’t emotionally invested so I didn’t get too worked up about it.  Then they started throwing her into scenes with Philip and I was honestly intrigued.  They had a spark to them, she was confrontational with him over using her father in his dock wars with John and he seemed to be a little drawn to that side of her.  He’d watch her with these considering looks that got me excited for a potential slow burn love story that could have been filled with soapy goodness.

So what did we get?  Instead of that slow turn from distrust to wary friendship to solid friendship to romance, we went warp speed from distrust straight to twu wuv.  Where in the hell did that come from?  One day Morgan is challenging Philip about his relationship with her father and the next she’s throwing herself into his arms down on the docks looking at him as if he’s her knight in shining armor!  Words cannot begin to express my irritation with what they’ve done to this couple.  Suddenly Morgan can’t go anywhere with Philip there to hold her hand and tell her that everything is okay.  Now I get that her father is missing and that would be hard on anyone, but where’s the girl who was willing to fight Ford’s father with her sorority sisters?  Where’s the girl that stood up to Ford’s bully of a father in questioning?  This girl can’t open a package to her father without crying and carrying on.  The Morgan I liked would be more like the Morgan we saw again yesterday.  She burst into John’s house and refused to back down when EJ tried to get her to leave and wouldn’t take any shit from 3 men.

Of course that moment had to be more or less ruined by Philip showing up and jumping in front of her when the heretofore unseen and unmentioned Edward Vitale pulled a gun out and shot at her.  Philip dived in front of the bullet and of course now we will have the obligatory I love you scene between the two of them from his hospital bed.  I really did find these two promising but now they’re more or less ruined because Higley had to go light speed ahead without staying true to the characters on the screen.

Last and certainly least, we have Chelsea Brady.  When Chelsea showed up on the scene, I hated her.  She was a brat, spoiled, snotty, bitchy and just plain unpleasant.  I wanted more than anything for her to die in a fiery car crash with both her mother and her grandmother.  At the time Billie was interfering with S&K and then Bope and Kate was of course continuing her never ending war with Sami and sleeping with EJ.  None of these things endeared me to any of the characters, nor did Chelsea working her damndest to break up Bope because she wanted her mom and dad together.  Then a new writer came along and brought Nick Fallon to our screens and threw Chelsea in his path.  Nick fell in insta-love with her, but not the annoying kind, the cute crush kind.  Their relationship is a long story but finally Chelsea saw beyond Nick’s geek exterior and fell for him.  During this time, she became less of a brat and more of a headstrong young woman.  She still could do stupid things and act without thinking, but even when she did, she felt guilt and had consequences.  I gradually stopped hating her and really started liking her.  I saw her as a mini-Sami, hopefully without as many self-destructive tendencies.  There was even a time when it looked like the writers were going to establish more of a relationship between the two cousins which I would really like and still hold out some hope for.

But, good things cannot last, can’t even last more than year or so, before a new writer comes along and effectively assassinates the character of Chelsea.  Every single ounce of maturity is out of the window thanks to this new relationship with Daniel.  I don’t need to outline that story, I’ve covered my hatred of Chan in complete detail.  But besides hating the relationship, I truly hate what it’s done to the Chelsea’s character.  She’s back to acting like a spoiled brat, with the added bonus of being a whiny, needy stalker thrown in.  The opinionated, headstrong girl is gone and in her place is a malleable, agreeable young woman, at least when it comes to Daniel and what he says and tells her to do.  Chelsea, in pure stalker mode, decides to ask Grandpa Victor to get her a job at the hospital so she can be closer to Daniel.  Vic asks Daniel for help with that and Daniel pushes her into some OT job.  Chelsea then tells Daniel that he “knows her better than she knows herself” and she’s truly delighted with his choice.  I’m sorry, but that’s supposed to impress me how?  Chelsea doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life so Daniel can come up with something that is just perfect for her, even though she has made no pretense in the past to hating working at the hospital and didn’t seem to overly care for children either?  No, this is another case of her bending to Daniel’s will and just doing what he wants her to do because she must do it for twu wuv.

The sad fact is that none of these three young women, all of whom had potential at some point or another, can seem to exist outside of their relationships with their men.  They’ll follow them all over heavens creation and whine and cry when they can’t be with them.  I’m sick of seeing the women of Salem act like this and it’s especially galling because the head writer is a woman.  You’d think that she would empower her female characters but she does the exact opposite.  It’s gotten to the only time I truly look forward to the show is when I know that none of these three will be on.  The hopeful side of me still thinks that maybe some of these characters can be redeemed but the realist knows that probably won’t happen with Higley as head writer.  Meanwhile I’ll just flutter my hanky and hold out hope that some big strong man will come along to rescue me from this show.  Higley wouldn’t write my story any other way.

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You Can’t Spell Marlena Without M-E

So thus far I’ve refrained from dipping a toe into the whole Marlena/John storyline.  To be frank, I haven’t wanted to deal with that rabid fanbase, but after this week, I just finally had to say something about that woman.  I honestly think my Marlena hate eclipses my Daniel hate, and anybody that reads me regularly knows that that is a very loaded statement indeed.  I can’t pinpoint when the hate actually began, but I know it has been running strong in the past couple of years for sure.  She’s just such a raging narcissistic bitch.  I don’t know if I can do a discussion of her justice, but I will try.  I’m not going to talk about Jarlena, because I hate them and that’s all you really need to know there, but I know damn well they’ll be back together sometime soon so why bother writing of the hate?  That’s one hate that is never going to go anywhere because they are “twu wuv” and I accept that.

What’s inspired me to finally break out a Marlena blog?  She only had a couple of scenes this week but she was beyond intolerable in them.  First, we see her waltzing into the police station to have a little chat with ex-husband Roman.  Of course Roman remains her bitch and she uses him to do any number of things for her, including getting her out of trouble for shooting at EJ and helping investigate John’s much important missing disk.  He is another of the men blinded by her glitter and she wouldn’t have it any other way.  Anyway, Marlena has been busy being focused on herself as per usual so she was not aware that Lucas was back in jail or that Lucas and EJ had both gotten some Love In An Elevator.

Roman tells her and what is her reaction?  To blame herself because Sami drove both men away.  Who to the what now?  Last I checked, Sami was a full grown woman and she can make her own choices, or not make a choice, or make the wrong choice, depends upon how you view the EJamicus saga.  When Roman rightly points that out to her, she just moves on to demanding that he help Lucas.  Roman points out that hello, his hands are tied, Lucas broke house arrest 3 times and this last time he actually had his ankle monitor off.  Queen Marlena gives him her royal stare and says, “Do it for me, Roman!” and of course he falls under her spell and sets off to do some plan to help Lucas.  Also for some unfathomable reason she was mad at EJ for sleeping with Nicole but not mad at Lucas for sleeping with Chloe…I guess we know her daughter comes by her idiocy honestly.

In her other scene this week (two too many for my taste), she was in the pub and in walks Rolf in his disguise of some sort of beret and sunglasses.  I initially thought he misread the script and thought he was part of Stax’ great French adventure, but no, he was trying to hide in case John found out he was meeting Marlena.  And what did Her Majesty expect this time?  She expected Rolf to help her restore the disk that could bring back her beloved John, aka The ONLY man worth being, as uttered by St. Marlena a few weeks ago when John told her old John was dead. 

Now, Rolf has really no reason to help Marlena and she knows that, so what does she do?  She offers him immunity for his past crimes.  Did I miss when Marlena became the DA of Salem?  I mean, I know she was dubbed the Brady family Pillar of Strength by Colleen, despite not having been a Brady for a long ass time, but I failed to see when Marlena became the DA or Police Commissioner.  So no, of course she didn’t have the power to offer immunity, turns out that she later went and saw Roman yet again to have him help her with the disk/Rolf situation.

So, she offers Rolf immunity and he basically tells her, no thank you, I am not crossing John.  He’s happy being who he is, so maybe she should just leave it the hell alone.  Of course, why should she do that when she can bring back her ONE TRUE LOVE and the GREATEST MAN OF ALL TIME?  Rolf doesn’t realize how John not being old John is affecting HER and since she is the center of the universe, everyone must bend to her wishes.  It wasn’t even the fact that she felt this way that bothered me, it was the way she acted all entitled about it, she was actually preening her way through both scenes, just so sure that everyone would do her bidding.  Because she is Marlena, Queen of Glitter.

I ask my fellow readers, when did Marlena become so damn smug and intolerable?  I honestly can’t pinpoint when it happened.  Combine her ME ME ME attitude with her gasping and preening and she just becomes downright detestable for me.  I hate the character and I want her to die, for real this time, not her usual Salem death, though I would take that for awhile too to be rid of her.  My #1 wish is that she brings Stefano back as the only one who can save John (and suck on that bitch) and he kills her.  I don’t think this is asking too much.  She put him in a coma so he should make with the vengeance.  Do it Steffy, do it for me!

I came up with a rather cathartic way to kill her off that involved Chelsea and Daniel, which I will post here at another time if anybody wants to see it, but it helped me feel better.  Anyone who wants to come up with Marlena death scenes or even ways to torture the bitch without killing her, feel free to share with us all in the comments.  I promise, it will make you feel better.  At least her name does have the letter M & E in it, since that’s her only focus in life (along with John of course, but that wraps right along back to her, so it doesn’t count).  Man she sucks!

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Great & Glorious Grandma Sex

So we finally got to the reveal of Grandma!sex on Days.  Words cannot alone express the joy I felt when this day hit and the utter happiness I felt watching the show live.  Now that we’ve seen the flashback, we know that Daniel & Kate sexed it up recently, after he met and supposedly had feelings for Chelsea.  What’s that supposed to say about the good doctor?   Kinda makes him look like a scum in my book, but then I’m a sane person so I can’t speak to the legions of Dansea fans that seem to think Daniel’s sleeping with Kate is all Kate’s fault.  I will try though!

Let’s go through the Date conversation shan’t we?  I didn’t tape so we’re going off my memory, which admittedly is flawed the older I get, but here’s what I saw.  Kate approached Daniel to talk about how they could never let Chelsea know about their fling.  Daniel agreed that it was for the best.  We got a flashback which was recent of Daniel in the pub doing tequila shots.  Kate comes up and starts talking to him.  He’s flirty right away and inebriated, I do admit.  He starts yammering about being unable to get past something what was so huge and how he’ll never get beyond it or some such nonsense.  He’s probably talking about the dead wife, aka the plot device, but we can’t be 100% sure of that either since it’s never identified.   He mentioned by the way how very beautiful and perceptive Kate is, not the first time he’s called her beautiful or hot or even talked about her great body.  Man of class, that is Daniel Jonas.  Anyway, Kate tells him she thinks she can help him but he has to stop drinking.  Then she gets him to stand up, he buries his head in her neck and then they stroll out with his arm around her.

Flash back to present time and they talk about what an incredible time they had together and how they both have no regrets.  Daniel calls Kate a classy lady, I guess for not telling her granddaughter that the would be love of her life had been sticking his magical surfing penis in her all encompassing hoo ha.  He also says that they had a great time in the past but Chelsea might just be his future so they have to let it go.  Then he wanders off leaving Kate looking rather sad and wistful.

So, tell me again why I should root for Daniel and Chelsea to be together?  Is it because he’s so completely good and wonderful that he doesn’t want his would be girlfriend to know that he schtupped her grandma?  Is it because he actually hooked up with her grandmother after he already had and admitted to having feelings for Chelsea?  Is it because he asked Chelsea out knowing that he’d fucked her grandmother?  All of those things somehow combine to make me do the opposite and find Chan even more vomitous than I did before all of this came out.  And, if you’ve read some of my other blogs, you know that was hard to do, for I already was filled with hate and dislike for this pairing to a level I’ve never hated a fictional couple before.

Some people are already worrying that this is the big obstacle to “twu wuv” and it means that Chan is endgame, but I don’t see how that is so.  Chelsea already had to work hard to get over Nick sleeping with her mother and he did that before Chelsea ever admitted to having feelings for him.  Daniel hooked up with Kate knowing that Chelsea was in to him.  That’s far worse than anything Nick ever did.  I also don’t see how Chelsea is supposed to get past yet another of her would-be boyfriends sleeping with one of her family members.  I know it’s a soap, but damn.  Plus we know Kate is fabulous in bed, she was a DiMera sex worker and men look her up decades later hoping for another go at her.  How is a girl supposed to compete with that?  It would be intimidating as hell.

Chan had plenty of other obstacles against them, the age difference being a big one, without throwing Grandma!sex into the works.   I really believe that this will end Chan when it’s revealed, because it’s one thing to sleep with grandma, it’s another to not tell her about it before pursuing her and to actively hide it from her.  Nick came clean with Chelsea very quickly, it does not appear that Dan or Kate feel the need to do that here.  Daniel looks like even worse of a player than he did before, when he was flirting with every woman in Salem.

I failed to mention that it appears that Daniel and Kate had more than just his drunken hookup, so they were probably sleeping together when Daniel was busy running into and kissing Chelsea.  I don’t know how he can possibly justify any of that.  I hope we get some hot sex scenes for Date too, we deserve them after having had to watch Chan suck face inappropriately all over town.

I finish this, echoing the words of the great Dr. Jonas, by saying, Stay classy Kate!  Way to help with the ruination of Chan.  You could very well become one of my favorite characters now.  And to Daniel I will say, Stay assy Dr. Jonas, it’ll bring the downfall of Chan all the sooner, which could never be soon enough for me!

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Take Your Ball & Go Home Brett

Alright, it’s time for me to finally do a sports post here.  Those who read me regularly probably wondered what was up with me having Sports in my title and thought I should change that word to Soaps.  Fair enough, but it’s the football off-season and baseball hasn’t inspired me at this point.  It’s too early to get excited about my Cardinals because I fear they will do nothing at the trade deadline and we’ll watch the Cubs and Brewers move away from us leaving us 3rd in the division.  I’ll get to baseball talk one of these days if I ever get inspired.  But football is my first love and I finally have something to say in what has been a mostly quiet off-season.

After SEVERAL years of retirement watch, Brett Favre, quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, finally hung it up in March or April.  And I do mean several years…every year after the season ended football fans played the waiting game with Favre, would he retire or not?  And he would hem and haw and say he needed time to think about it.  Meanwhile his team would prepare for the draft and want to know whether or not they needed to shore up the most important position on the team or not.  Several years back they had QB Aaron Rodgers fall to them at about the 18th position in the draft and they snapped him up.  Using a first round pick on a QB generally means that you expect that player to be an important part of your team somewhere in the near future.

Anyway, every year this first round draft pick has had to sit on the bench while Hall of Fame bound Favre took to the field.  A couple of those years were atrocious for Brett, he threw more picks than touchdowns and took so many stupid chances that I almost couldn’t stand watching him.  And I’ll admit here and now that I’m not a Packers fan and I never cared for Favre anyway.  I see his talent but I hate his risk taking.  Give me Manning or Brady any day.

So last year Brett actually played very well.  He looked like the Favre of old and managed to lead his team to one overtime interception away from the Super Bowl.  Oh and that pick was another atrocious one in his collection of bad throws, but we won’t dwell on that.  The 38 year old had done his team proud and taken them close to the big game.  It was a great way to go out and instead of dragging out the decision for months this time, he actually announced his retirement weeks after the Super Bowl played out.  This in itself was shocking after the retirement watch of several years in a row.  So I gave him credit and was happy for him, headed to his farm in Mississippi to hang out and do whatever it is he does.  Bye Brett, enjoy retirement.

Well, I should have known.  And so should we all have known, that of course Favre couldn’t stick to his decision.  The last few days there have been rumblings out of Mississippi that Favre was reconsidering his retirement.  He had talked to family members saying that he missed it and they told him he could still play so why not?  So he apparently texted the president of the Packers and told him he’s considering coming back.  And of course we have yet another media storm.  The Pack is in a bind because they are legitimately trying to move on from life with their living legend.  They’ve been working on installing their offense with Rodgers at QB because that is their plan, and now Favre comes along and announces he may want to play after all.  So what are the Packers to do?

They have the option of releasing him and letting him sign with any team willing to pony up the money for a 38 year old Favre.  There will probably be several of them, including my Bucs (who can never have enough QB’s), vying for him.  And if they do let him go, and he signs with someone within their division like the QB starved Bears or the Vikings, they’ll play him twice and have to deal with anger from the Favre loving fans of Wisconsin.  They can bring him back at his huge salary cap number and alienate the guy who thought he was going to be taking over the team, Aaron Rodgers, who to be fair has served his time and rightfully wants his place in the sun.  Their other option is to pray like hell that Brett decides to stay retired and take the decision out of their hands.  They’re definitely pushing this option, talking about how nice it was that Favre walked away from the game at a high point instead of one of his 20+ interception seasons like we’d been getting used to.

I’m sick of this story already and it’s only been a few days since it broke.  I was thrilled when he retired because I was sick of hearing of his love of the game and boyish enthusiasm and whatnot.  Yes, he had all that but the gushing from announcers (I’m looking at you John Madden) was so over the top that it drove me insane.  A good example of this was a few years ago after Favre’s father died.  He was on MNF and elected to play.  Javon Walker, his best receiver at the time, made incredible catch after incredible catch in that game, catches which saved Favre’s ass from at least 3 interceptions.  But of course it was all Brett and all his will that won that game.  It just bugged…and yes I give him credit for going out there all emotional but his throws were not good.  He always gets too much credit and not enough of the blame is what I’m saying.

And here again he will get credit for wanting to come back and the Packers will get the blame for letting him go or the blame for keeping him on and having regression this season, cause the odds are against them playing as well this year as they did last.  So, Brett, thanks for the memories, but it’s time to take your ball and go home.

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The Great Elevator Sex-Off 2008

And they’re off!  In this elevator we have Lucas & Chloe, new friends and partners in crime.  Well not crime per se, but he’s breaking the law by taking off his ankle monitor, so we have that.  And in this elevator we have EJ & Nicole, friends, employer/employee, drinking buddies.  I don’t know what it is about being trapped in elevators, but on tv, it generally means you’re going to get it on.  I was trapped in an elevator once in the college dorms but I refrained from screwing the guy that was in there with me.  A shame really, cause I think he was pretty cute and I always did like having sex in interesting places.  Ok, that was off topic.  Moving on…

The power is out in Salem and the two non-couples are trapped in respective elevators.  Had they been in the same car I doubt we’d have gotten a little mini-orgy, but that’s fun to picture.  Nicole and EJ are definitely in the party elevator, she comes equipped with stolen champagne and a deck of cards.  They had a little conversation about EJ needing to move on from Sami and then sexy EJ used that opportunity to get in closeto Nicole and let the kissing commence.  He nearly messed it up by calling her Samantha when things were starting to get hot and heavy, but because he was shirtless and hot and sorry, she forgave him and continued the fun.  I wouldn’t have cared what he called me in that situation, but I’m shallow.

I must give Days some credit, their sex scenes have gotten quite a bit hotter lately.  We get to see clothes coming off, pants being unbuckled, skirts pushed up, hell at one point EJ was on his knees in front of her.  Hot damn.  Every time I saw them together I said hot damn as a matter of fact.  Or dear lord.  Or holy hell.  Any thing I could to express the hotness that is James Scott in a love scene.  He is beauty.  I’ll have to look for some stills from today as a matter of fact.  I know I’ve taken my time approving of this EJole idea but if I can get scenes like today’s a lot more frequency, I’m fine with them.  Yes I’m all on board.

Meanwhile, in car #2, Lucas and Chloe had a couple kisses, let’s talk about it, let’s kiss, let’s talk about it.  This is wrong but it feels right, etc.  I was kinda bored by them in comparison to EJole, but things did pick up when Lucas’ shirt came off and he pushed Chloe against the side of the elevator facing away from him.  That was pretty hot I thought.  Neither is as talented as their cohorts in the other elevator car, but they still were pretty good.  And we got more unbuckling and pants removal.  Love in daytime is back!

Regular Days watchers know that we had a severe lack of love scenes over the past couple of years.  I give Higley credit for realizing that EJ & Philip need to be naked as often as possible and going ahead and getting that done.  And Lucas even looked pretty decent, though he’s not my type like EJ is.  Still, I heartily approve with today’s happenings, at least in the elevators.

EJole got it on twice before Luloe got started, but it looks like we might get more tomorrow so we’ll see if things even out.  Of course I don’t know if EJole did it again before she was sitting there wrapped in EJ’s arms at the end.  That was beautifully shot and I don’t think I’ve ever envied anyone more than at that moment.  I told Tripp that I would pay to be in her shoes and so I would!

While having no complaints about the elevator coupling, I sure do have complaints about Chan making out in front of Chelsea’s family.  That is supposed to be appropriate how?  And that’s supposed to show maturity how?  I’m sorry but that’s more like horny teenagers, not two adults exploring a relationship.  They continue to disgust me.  Thankfully that was offset by Kate fainting, as she’s not too happy with Daniel hooking up with her granddaughter seeing as he was recently (I hope) fucking her.  I was able to get through the scenes thinking about the GF(Grandma fucking) and because Bo and Victor both immediately blamed Chan for causing Kate to faint.  That was hilarious, and true, which makes it doubly hilarious.  Hate on Chan people, keep on hating on!

I’m looking forward to the destruction of Chan and I am also looking forward to Sami losing both her guys in one foul swoop.  She needed a wake up call and we needed a break from EJami/Lumi.  I don’t know if these are lasting couplings, but I’m looking forward to them playing out.  With all due respect to Aerosmith, I think Days did “Love In An Elevator” proud today.

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Dan the Manwhore (Spoilery, don’t read if you don’t want to know)

Today might just have been one of the most infuriating episodes of Days I’ve seen recently.  Nearly the whole hour was spent propping Chan.  Doug & Julie were comparing them to Bope and everyone was talking about young love and shit like that.  It made me want to scream.  I mean, if you have EJ on, I’m usually going to find at least one bright spot in the show.  He was brutally hot today, I love him in that white striped shirt.  But the Chan stuff drove me so insane that I couldn’t enjoy the pretty.  That is nearly a crime.  I could have written paragraph after paragraph about my rage today, and in fact, on TWoP today, I pretty much did.  But, then something came along that brought out the sun.  Something that made today’s propping absolutely hilarious.  Something great.

What, you may wonder, could get me past the hideousness of Doug & Julie, dressed like Uncle Sam and Auntie America, comparing the love of Chan to the great love that is Bope?  A little spoiler.  A wonderful spoiler.  A spoiler for July 14th.  What will happen on this momentous day?  It seems that Kate & Daniel will have a little conversation about their fling and the need to keep it a secret from Chelsea.  Yes, you read that right boys and girls, Daniel is a Grandma Fucker.  And not just any grandma, CHELSEA’S grandma.  His “twu wuv”.  Could there be anything funnier in the world than that?

Of course I don’t know the timing of said fling, but Kate didn’t know Daniel when he came to town.  In fact, the first time she met him she tried to encourage Chelsea to go after him.  She told her that there was nothing wrong with going after a rich, handsome doctor and pooh poohed Chelsea’s reminder that she already had a boyfriend.  So, Grandma knew about Chelsea’s crush right away and fucked the guy anyway.  Doesn’t put her in the best of light, but she’s Kate so that’s nothing new.  There was a time when Daniel was talking on the phone mysteriously and told Chelsea he couldn’t see her because he was seeing someone and she was married.  I presume that is Kate he was talking about and he just didn’t want to say I’m screwing your Grams.

Now of course there is the fear that Higley will do a retcon and say their fling took place years in the past, but that would contradict everything we’d seen up to this point on screen.  Kate didn’t recognize him and she pushed her granddaughter at him.  I’m not saying she couldn’t dick with her own story, but I’m betting she won’t, it’s one thing to retcon the writer’s work before you, it’s another to mess with your own.  Plus, we fans just won’t let her forget it. hehe

What also makes this terribly appauling is that Kate knew her granddaughter had feelings from Daniel, yet apparently she slept with him anyway.  And Daniel knew that Chelsea had feelings for him and he knows that he fucked her grandmother but he asked her out on a date anyway.  What kind of man does that?  It’s gross.  Some Chan fans are going to trot out Nillie sex no doubt, but in my opinion the two scenarios don’t compare.  Nick slept with Chelsea’s mother, yes, but Chelsea had rejected him and made it quite clear she had no intention of ever being with him.  There is no such thing here, Chelsea has chased Dan from day 1.  And you’d think that even if he hooked up with Kate without knowing that Chelsea liked him (which would make him obtuse as well as a douche), that he would at least pause before asking her out.  That he’d maybe mention that he’d been with her grandma.  It’s gross but at least she could respect his honesty and choose whether she wanted to go out with him.  Now she’s got all this “love” (no I don’t believe she knows him well enough to love him, sorry) for the guy and he’s hooked up with her grandmother.  Also, he shared several makeout sessions with her, possibly DURING the time that he was screwing her grandmother.  That’s just nasty.

And let’s not forget, Kate is a card carrying DiMera Sex Workers Union member.  She’s probably the president of the club actually.  This is the woman that apparently is so good in bed that rich men that used to do her in her hooker days decades ago still look her up and want to get with her.  How can a nearly virginal Chelsea possibly compete with that?  If Dan were to sleep with her, how could he not help but be disappointed after what was no doubt stellar sex with Kate?

I feel very justified now in my firm belief that Daniel had far more sparks with grandmother than granddaughter.  The Chan fans in the message boards who were acting all superior and smug about the coupling, one of whom went so far as to refer to people who didn’t support the pairing as bigots, must be crying about it now.  And I find it hilarious.  I’m not going to lie.  I want them to suck it and see how it feels to read crappy spoiler after crappy spoiler about the couple that you love.  I think this is the greatest spoiler I’ve ever read.  I know I could get disappointed, but for now I’m just filled with delight.  I don’t see how Chan/Dansea could overcome this storyline, it’s just too disgusting that he slept with her grandmother.  Nobody comes out looking good and Chelsea’s going to be crushed when she ever finds out (we’ll see how long that takes).  After she broke Nick’s heart and acted like a bitch when he didn’t want to be friends, turnabout is fair play.  I for one am going to kick back and enjoy the hell out of being right.

Thanks, Dr. Douchiel, for living up to your name.  I’ll end this in my favorite way to refer to this non-couple, Chan sucks!

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