Sacrificial Lamb Chapter 31
EPOV
The week following Bella’s incredible showing of self-restraint with the humans was a busy one for both of us. Every moment that she wasn’t with me was spent with Jasper, who was ramping up her training. He took her into the same clearing where Emmett had conducted his doll experiment and surrounded her with hundreds of human scents. He’d gone into one of the Dartmouth dorms and taken something from every resident. Bella had told me her theory about half-naked townspeople running around in confusion and I decided that she was probably pretty close to the mark. Still, Jasper’s dedication to training her was one of the main reasons that she’d come so far and I wasn’t going to question his methods.
The other reason was Bella herself. She was a constant amazement, so far advanced for a vampire that if I hadn’t been the one to turn her I would certainly bet that she was several years old instead of mere months. Everyone in the family was dying to know what her gift would be, myself included. Carlisle had gone so far as to reach out to Eleazar in Alaska for an opinion. He thought she could be some sort of shield, which would explain my inability to hear her mind but that didn’t sound right to me. Alice was finally starting to get flashes of something, though she wasn’t sure what she was seeing. She shared the visions with me but all we could see was a look of fierce concentration on my wife’s stunning face. What she was doing wasn’t clear yet.
I shook my head and decided to focus on the task at hand. My fingers flew over the computer keys as I went through various sites looking for the perfect boat for our trip to Maine. It had to have a cabin and be used but in good enough condition that it would be believable as something we would conceivably buy. It had to be something that “humans” would be comfortable in on the Atlantic Ocean in December. I wish Bella would let me go ahead with the plane idea but she wasn’t too keen on us jumping out of an airplane, despite her indestructibility. A boat was actually a better plan anyway; there would be valid reasons for no bodies to be found.
There was nothing like preparing to die again to put life into perspective. I wasn’t remotely worried about the logistics of the situation; I knew my family would take care of everything that needed to be done. No, my concern rested only with Bella. I had no idea how she was going to handle the aftermath of her death and how it would affect her family. Try as she might, Alice couldn’t see anything about the effect on Charlie other than his immediate shock and his subsequent trip to Maine to try to assist in finding us. Just the thought of that filled me with guilt and I knew it would be far worse for Bella. We hadn’t told her that yet but I knew I’d have to before we left. She had to be prepared for her father’s presence. I knew she would refuse to leave without seeing him just once and Alice foresaw no issues with her self control, but I didn’t know if the emotional toll would be worth it. It would rip her to shreds.
I found what I was looking for on a Maine Boats website. The boat was new instead of used but even new boats could have a ruptured fuel line. I dialed the number and arranged for us to see the boat tomorrow. Em was letting us take the Jeep so that we could purchase it then and there and take it with us. He’d meet us at the cabin the next day, bringing a smaller boat to pick us up when the boat exploded. The rest of the family would stay put until they received a call about our boat going down in the Atlantic. Emmett would make an anonymous call about seeing an explosion and give coordinates on our approximate location.
I sighed as I pushed away from the computer, my eyes falling on one of our many wedding photos hanging on the wall. The picture of Bella and Charlie was one of my favorites. He looked so awkward in his tuxedo but his eyes burned with emotion as he looked down at Bella who was glowing with happiness. Their eyes were exactly the same shade of brown. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and turned to face Bella as she walked into the room.
“Hello, love, how was your training?”
A smile flirted at the corner of her lips. “It went really well.”
“What did Jasper have in store for you today?”
Her face lit with pride and excitement. Somehow I suspected that Jasper had deviated from his clothes stealing today. “We went to the neighbor’s house.”
What? “What?”
“Jasper took me to the neighbors, you know, the Baker’s? About five miles to the south.”
“Sure I know where they are but he actually took you, alone?”
She rolled her eyes. “He ran it by Alice and there weren’t any issues to be found, so yes, we went. We weren’t alone anyway; Emmett followed us because he just had to see if I would fail since you weren’t there.”
I snorted. “Of course you wouldn’t fail.”
She threw her arms around me and kissed me passionately. “I love your faith in me.”
“I didn’t have faith in much of anything until you came into my life. The one thing I will never doubt is you.”
She kissed me again, softly this time. “I love you.”
“I do.” I do was our new way of expressing our love. I said it to her every morning and it never failed to make her happy and loved. As usual, she lit up at my words.
“I do, too.”
“So tell me about the Baker’s.”
She looked almost smug now. “When we were about three miles out I could hear Mr. Baker’s heartbeat. It felt like it was calling my name, you know?” I nodded, for I knew all too well how the cadence of the heart could almost feel like a siren’s call. “Anyway, I stopped and Jasper stopped with me. I breathed then and caught the scent. It was appealing but it didn’t pull me the way it used to. I just told myself over and over that I didn’t want to hurt anybody and soon it was just a pleasant aroma, not something I had to have. So we went another mile closer, the scent was more potent but didn’t have any more of an effect on me so we walked all the way to the tree line. He was about twenty yards away at that point. I held my breath again and then breathed and let his scent wash over me. I was slightly tempted then,” shame flashed in those orange honey eyes, “but I just locked my body into place and held onto Jasper’s arm. The desire passed after about a minute and I breathed again.”
I cupped her face in my hands. “Don’t feel bad about being tempted, Bella. You’ll be tempted all your life; it’s not going to go away. You didn’t act on it and you should be extremely proud. I wish I’d been there.” I was somewhat annoyed that Jasper hadn’t asked me along, I wanted to witness moments where she showed her incredible strength of will.
Bella lifted her hands and ran them up and down my arms. “No, he was right to do it this way.” I frowned. “The only other time I was around humans your touch kept me grounded. It was important to see if I could do it on my own without our electricity to help me.” I knew she was right, I just hated missing any moment with her. I curled a hand into her hair and rubbed the back of her neck. “You’ll get to be alone with me with a human soon enough.”
I pulled away and glanced at the computer. “Yes, about that, I found a boat. We’re going to see it tomorrow.” She looked apprehensive and I took her hand in mine. “If you’re not ready, I can go see it alone. You can stay in the Jeep.” She shook her head and resolve shone in her eyes.
“I can do it.”
“Yes, you can.”
She pulled me over to the couch and we both plopped down on it. “I’m not so worried about the humans.” I knew she wasn’t. “I’m worried about my father. My mom will be okay but Charlie…”
“Bella, you know we don’t have to do this. We can just tell your dad that we’re going on a world tour for a year, give you some more time, maybe we can figure out a way…”
She cut off my rambling. “No, Edward, it would just be delaying the inevitable. Charlie can’t know what I am and I’m not going to age. Even if I could take another year or two, I’d still eventually have to die. Plus, I look too different now.”
“I’ve been thinking about that and we could go through with the boat exploding but we could survive. You could have to undergo plastic surgery and this is the result.” I would do it, for her. Carlisle could arrange to have her hospitalized and bandaged up so Charlie could see her without seeing the new her.
Bella looked tempted for a moment but she shook her head. “That doesn’t explain my never aging, Edward. As much as I hate it, and I truly do, this is the best way.”
I squeezed her hand and took a breath. Now was the time to tell her. “Alice has seen something, love.”
Fear stole across her lovely features. “What? Is Charlie going to be okay?” Her hand was crushing mine now, her control of her strength lost in her panic over her father.
How to answer that, exactly? I didn’t know that he would be okay, just that he would be there trying to help in the search for us. “As far as I know, he will.” Her grip loosened and I flexed my fingers. She stared at me, waiting for me to continue, apprehension coloring her features. I tightened my own grip on her hand and let it out. “Bella, he’s going to come to Maine to look for you.”
Her jaw dropped open and she shook her head. “What? No, no he can’t do that! He can’t be there! He can’t watch them dive and come back with nothing. Edward!” She was shrieking and gripping my shirt, shaking me.
“Bella, calm down.” She heaved several deep breaths and released my shirt. I pulled her to me and she buried her face in my neck. I stroked her hair and waited for her to calm a little. She pulled back and looked at me, the light that had been in her eyes moments ago gone. I hated seeing her look like that. “Sweetheart, of course he’s going to want to come. Charlie is a thorough man, he’d never entrust something as vital as a search for his daughter to someone else. He’d have to be there.”
She closed her eyes and let my words wash over her. “Yes, he would want to be involved. I just…Edward, how can I let him come all this way for nothing?”
I sighed, not knowing how to respond to that question. “I think, maybe, it’ll be good for him to be a part of it, Bella. He’ll feel like he did something tangible. If I was in his shoes, I would be there too. Wouldn’t you?”
Her eyes flashed open. “Yes, but I know that it’s pointless for him to be there. They won’t find us because there’s no us for them to find. How can I let him stand there and hope only to find nothing?”
I caressed her face again, hoping my touch would soothe her but knowing this might be the one time that I couldn’t. “There’s nothing you can do, unless you want to call it off. We can put it off for another year or two, Bella. There’s no rush.”
She sighed and pulled away from me. “No, nothing changes just because he’s there. This is for the best, I just wish there was some way to stop him from coming. Maybe Billy or Jake…”
“Do you really want to call them and ask for their help in planning your death, Bella?” She shook her head vehemently. “For what it’s worth, I imagine they will do whatever they can to keep him from coming to find you. As soon as they hear, they’ll know what we’ve done. Charlie’s a stubborn guy, Bella, reminds me of a certain woman I know very well.” A smile ghosted over her face at that and I took her hand again and kissed her palm. “He has to come, there’s nothing we can do about it.”
She nodded, her face looking worn and sad. “I know; I just wish he wouldn’t.”
Maybe his presence wouldn’t be a bad thing. “Bella, you know if he comes, you can see him.” Her eyes widened and some life came back into her face.
“Really? I could see Charlie?”
“Yes, well obviously we’d have to stay out of sight but there’s no reason why we couldn’t be nearby. As long as you think you can handle it.” This would be harder on her than dealing with human scents but I knew my Bella would want to try.
“I can handle it!” The smile was back on her face for a moment before falling away. “What if I want to eat him? My own father?”
“Bella, you won’t want to eat him, that’s not what I meant by handling it.”
“What then?”
“I mean can you handle being so close but not being able to go to him? Especially seeing him upset and worried about you?”
She looked down at her lap, her fingers plucking at some lint on her sweater. “I think maybe I have to.”
I put my hand under her chin and pulled her head up to face me. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I think it would be good for me to see what he’s going through.” How could that possibly be a good thing? She saw the question on my face and answered me. “Rather than imagining it, I’ll know. It’s not ideal, of course, but I think it’s worse than not knowing. Do you know what I mean?” Actually I did; I’d gone through not knowing how she was doing when I foolishly left her after her ill-fated eighteenth birthday. That torment had eaten at me every second of the day. Knowing how she suffered wouldn’t have made things much easier but at least my imagination wouldn’t have run away with me.
“I do understand. More than you could possibly know.” Her eyes met mine then and I know she knew what I was talking about, for she smiled softly and ran a hand along my jaw.
“Thank you for warning me, I don’t think I could have dealt with it without warning.”
“Of course, love, I promised not to keep anything from you again, even for your own protection.”
“I love you.” I closed my eyes and absorbed the words. I would never tire of them, no matter how many times she said it.
“As I love you.”
“Despite what I’m about to do to Charlie, I want you to know I wouldn’t change a thing. I had to do this for us.”
“I hope I’m truly worth it.”
She smiled fully then, for the first time since I’d told her about her father. “You are.” I kissed her softly and brushed her hair back from her face.
“I think we’d better hunt before we head east tomorrow.” She nodded and rose from the couch, taking my hand.
“That sounds like a good idea. Then I’d like you to bring me home and make love to me all night long.” She wanted to forget for the night, for me to take away thoughts of what we were about to do.
“That sounds like an even better one. Let’s get the hunting over with quickly then, shall we?” She laughed lightly and I gave her favorite smile in return. “Let’s go.” We headed off to the forest, running full speed towards our future.
BPOV
The car ride to Portland, Maine was fairly quiet, with me lost in my own thoughts and Edward letting me stew in silence. When he told me my father was going to come all the way to Maine to help look for me I felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach. I don’t know why I was so surprised; I know Charlie and he was hardly going to sit aside while his daughter was missing at sea. Of course he would come. He’d likely harass the search team and try to take command of the investigation himself. The guilt at the unnecessary search was nothing compared to the guilt I felt for what it was going to do to him.
At the same time I was inexplicably happy that I was going to get to see him again, for whatever fleeting moment I had. I knew he’d be burned into my memory forever then. It was ridiculous, being happy that I was going to see my father in the worst pain of his life but having that image to go back to would make it impossible to forget him. I didn’t want Charlie to just be a picture in a book, words on a page or a voice on the phone. I wanted to see him and I longed to hug him one more time. I knew that was impossible, of course, it was one thing to be near humans but entirely another to actually touch one, especially when I was overcome with emotion. Maybe someday, somehow I’d have the chance to touch him again. For now, seeing him one more time was all I had and I’d hold on to it, despite the grief it would give me.
Edward pulled up outside of Maineline Boats and cut the engine of Emmett’s Jeep. We’d made it to Portland in just a couple hours, not surprising since Edward was driving. However, now that I was no longer human his lead foot didn’t bother me at all, probably because I could now run as fast as he drove. God I loved the speed.
“Are you ready to go in, love?”
I took a deep breath and shot him a smile that belied my nerves. “Yes.”
He was out of the car and over to my side to help me out before I made a move toward the handle. I smiled to myself, he was still so sweetly old-fashioned about some things and I hoped he never changed. He took my hand and threaded our fingers together giving me a gentle but reassuring squeeze. I squeezed back and walked with him to the entrance, taking another deep breath and holding it just in case. “This won’t take long,” Edward promised.
We entered the building and I looked around with interest, it was like a huge warehouse full of boats, right on the marina. I took a tentative sniff and was rewarded with the scent of teak and mahogany and oak and cedar and resin; a huge mix of woodsy smells that was pleasant and reminded me of the forest. I took a deeper breath and then caught the scent of the human. Venom pooled in my mouth but I swallowed it back. You do not want that tantalizing smell, Bella. It’s a person with a family. Do not take away their loved one. The thought of a spouse and children learning that their father or mother had died had a calming effect on me every time so I used it.
Edward watched me closely as we headed toward the back, where a man was talking on the phone. He was in his forties, portly and slightly balding. When he saw us approaching he told the person on the other end that he’d call them back and hung up, lurching to his feet. “Why hello, I’m Artie, what can I do for you today?”
Edward kept a firm grip on my hand an answered for both of us. “We’d like to look at the Cabin Cruiser XT; I believe you have one available?”
His gray eyes went over us appraisingly. “Yes, we do have one but I’m afraid that’s a very expensive boat, running at about $85,000. Are you sure I couldn’t show you something more affordable? A sailboat perhaps? We have some lovely ones.” Of course he thought we couldn’t afford it, we were a couple of teenagers.
Edward chuckled. “I don’t think my wife would enjoy being out in the water on a sailboat this time of year, do you?” His eyes flew to my ring and he smiled as he saw the sparkling diamonds.
“I’d need to do a credit check before you purchase it.”
Edward remained unruffled. “Certainly, but I need to see the boat before I can decide if I’m going to purchase it, don’t I?”
“Of course, sir, right this way.” He led us toward the end of the marina, where some of the higher end models appeared to be, stopping next to a sleek speedboat with a large cabin. “Here it is, the XT is 45 feet, full cabin, queen sized bed,” he smirked at Edward and ran his eyes over me again. I felt him tense beside me and I pressed against him, letting him feel our electricity flow between us. He gave me a grateful squeeze.
Edward and I hopped on the boat, going into the cabin while Artie expounded on all the bells and whistles this model featured. It was kind of a huge waste of money to drop nearly a hundred thousand dollars on a boat we were going to destroy but Edward insisted that it wouldn’t be believable for him to buy anything less than the best. I suppose I should be glad he wasn’t buying a yacht. When I mentioned that he told me that we owned several already but he didn’t want to destroy one of those. I, naturally, just rolled my eyes. It figured.
Edward made a big show of asking all sorts of questions about speed and performance and such while Artie looked suitably impressed at how well informed he was. Of course he was; he and our brothers could probably build a boat better than this one if they wanted to. Having gotten all the answers he wanted, Edward turned to me. “What do you think, love?”
I smiled and took a small breath and pretended to be excited about our new purchase. “I love it, honey! Do you think we could get it today?” Artie’s scent burned through me but I had become accustomed to it already; I quickly swallowed my venom and smiled.
Artie interjected, “Well now, little lady, I still have to do a credit check. These things can take time. Why don’t ya’ll come back to the desk and I’ll get a start on that. We’ll see if we can get you out of here today. Do you have a trailer?”
“No, we’d need one of those; we do have a Jeep so it’d be easy enough to hook up.” Artie saw dollar signs and practically ran back to the desk. Edward handed him his black AMEX and Artie started the background check. I nearly laughed at the gasp that he took when his computer gave him the information he was looking for. Clearly we’d been approved. Edward smirked at me.
“Well, everything seems to be in order here! Is there anything else you’d like to see today? Perhaps the lady would like an even bigger boat? We do special order yachts here, I’m sure we have something…”
Edward cut him off. “I think that’s enough for today but if we like the boat, perhaps we’ll be back for another. I’d love to get my wife her own yacht someday.” I sighed, knowing that though he was humoring Artie he meant every word of it. What would I do with a yacht?
Artie completed our transaction, his face aglow with glee. I thought he might start dancing the moment we left the building. “Would you like to pull up to the loading dock? We’ve got trailers out there and I can pull the boat around?”
“Sure.” Edward and I went back to the Jeep. Edward kissed me as he opened the car door for me. “You continue to amaze me, love.”
I smiled. “It only bothered me for a minute, when we first went in. After I thought of him as a family man, the urge to take a bite went away.”
He stroked my cheek. “Mind over matter?”
“I guess so.”
Edward pulled the Jeep around and hopped out to attach the trailer. In no time at all, Artie brought the boat around and he and Edward secured it to the jeep. I remained in the car, figuring they had it under control and two vampires might be a bit too much for the job. After a hearty handshake, we were off and both of us laughed as we heard Artie indeed dancing around in celebration in the warehouse. It’d be a nice Christmas for him it seemed.
“How far are we from the cabin?” We apparently had a house on Great Duck Island, which was somewhere out in the ocean. Normally I would have looked forward to seeing it but I wasn’t exactly feeling celebratory today.
“175 miles to Northeast Harbor, so it’ll take me an hour and a half to get there. We’ll park the Jeep and then take the boat to the island.” He flashed his smile at me and put his foot to the floor, the Rosalie enhanced Jeep responding instantly. I shook my head and laughed at his typical driving style and settled back to watch the scenery flash by.
EPOV
Bella had been abnormally quiet the whole trip up but I understood that she needed time alone with her thoughts. Short of dying, this was the hardest thing that she’d have to do as a vampire. I couldn’t begin to imagine how I would feel if my parents had still been alive when I’d been turned. Of course, I never would have done so unless Bella was already with me. Two years ago I never would have felt that way but now that she was in my life, I’d started to see the benefits of being a vampire. I still had moments of self-loathing but one look at Bella and I shoved them aside.
I longed for the words to comfort Bella but nothing came to me. What do you tell someone to make it better that they won’t ever see their parents again? I’d tried to make her see that maybe she was giving up too much for me but she was adamant about her choice and since I’d make the same one, how could I fault her? So I said nothing, just offered her quiet support through my touch, holding her hand while I navigated the highway.
We arrived at Northeast Harbor in the hour and a half that I’d promised. I pulled up to the marina, released the boat at the launch and parked the Jeep, leaving it in the parking lot where Emmett would pick it up later. I stopped and said a few words to the guard, letting him know that my wife and I had gotten a new boat and we’d be sailing for a few days. Best to get the story started. He wished us well and watched as I helped Bella aboard the craft. I shook my head as I processed the name of the boat for the first time. “Second Chances.” Pretty apt I’d say.
We flew across the waves, the powerful engine vibrating through my hands on the wheel. Bella tilted her face back into the wind, her hair flowing behind her. She looked absolutely stunning, a goddess returning to her home after conquering the earth. I yearned to touch her but I knew that now was not the right time. I deftly maneuvered the craft over the waves, the mist from the water tickling my face. I always felt truly alive at sea; it was ironic that my “death” was going to be in one of the places that I enjoyed above any other.
“We’re almost there, Bella. You should see the cabin any second now.” It wasn’t really a cabin. We called it that because it was the smallest of our homes at only 1440 square feet but it was one of my favorite spots in the world. Our house was the only one on the island; the rest was a nature preserve which of course we took advantage of. We could only hunt sporadically so we never stayed long but it was a lovely escape from the real world. I truly felt like the only person in the world there.
Bella turned to look in the direction I’d gestured and sure enough the house came into view a moment later. She gasped as she took in the beauty of the island, the two story house above the shoreline, huge windows facing the ocean. “That’s hardly a cabin, Edward.” I chuckled having predicted that would be her reaction.
“Well it may not look like one from the outside but the inside is completely open, there are no bedrooms, just some alcoves with beds and fold out couches. It’s as cabin as the Cullen’s get, what with Alice in the family.” It was hilarious, really, Alice would hike in the hills and hunt and camp out for days but if she had to be someplace with walls, it darn well better be luxurious. And this house was that, with the large bay windows, the open airy space, white marble floors and the view of the water. We all loved it here. I knew Bella would as well, under other circumstances.
I pulled up to the dock and tethered the boat, offering a hand to Bella as we both hopped to the shore. We ran up to the cabin and I ushered her inside. She gasped as she took in the open space, gleaming white tile floors and white wicker furniture. It was beautiful but homey. You could see water everywhere you looked.
“Oh, Edward, it’s incredible! Look at the view!” She ran to the windows and looked back from whence we came; water and mountains were the only things to see for miles.
“Wait until you see sunset, love, there’s nothing like it.” A smile spread across her face and I was thrilled that this place could bring her even a moment’s happiness with what was coming tomorrow. “Let me show you the second floor.” She followed me up the stairs, taking in the open sleeping space, sighing over the queen bed next to the three large windows.
“I’d love to lay here and watch the water and the sky all day long.” Her voice was wistful.
“You can, someday. We’ll come back and truly enjoy it, okay?”
The sadness was back in her eyes but she nodded. She turned to face the window again and I crept behind her and placed a kiss to the nape of her neck. “I love you.” She brought her right hand up and stroked my cheek.
“I love you too.”
“I’m going to let you enjoy the view, love. I’ll go down and play the piano for awhile.” She nodded and released me. I hated leaving her but I knew it was what she needed at the moment. I made my way to my piano and checked the tuning, playing the scales. All this time and still perfectly tuned. I smiled and launched into some ragtime, wanting some happy tunes to try to drive away some of Bella’s sadness. I played as night fell, the sunset spectacular as always. I hoped she was enjoying it. I transitioned into some Mozart and finally ended with her lullaby.
I heard movement behind me as she came down the stairs quietly, her nearness sending a spark of awareness through my body. Her hands came down on my shoulders and she kissed the top of my head. “Thank you.”
I wasn’t entirely sure what she was thanking me for, though I assumed it was for playing her song. Knowing she was upset was bringing back some of the old feelings of hatred; a part of me wanted to ask her if she was thanking me for taking away her life and her family but I bit that back. It would only hurt her and it wasn’t what she meant anyway. Still, I only wanted to give her things, not take them away.
“Edward, would you do something for me?” Anything, everything.
“Of course.”
“Make love to me.” My head whipped around at her words, completely surprised and immediately aroused by her words.
“What?”
“I need you, now.”
“Bella, I don’t think…”
“Edward, all I’ve been doing is thinking and feeling terrible. I want to feel good, if only for a little while. I want to feel alive.” I understood that, I never felt more alive, more human, than when I was inside her. I stood up from the piano bench and tried to sweep her into my arms but she stopped me.
“No. Not sweet, not gentle. I need you to make me forget. I need you to take me.” I got impossibly harder at her words and sought to give her what she needed.
“Like this then?” I pushed her into the wall and watched her eyes go coal black. I growled at the desire in her obsidian orbs. I raised a hand and ripped her sweater and jeans from her body in one smooth motion. She was completely bare beneath and I suppressed a groan at the sight of her. I would never get tired of Bella’s gorgeous body.
“Yes, like this,” she hissed and ripped my shirt down the middle, her lips meeting mine passionately, fire burning through my body at her touch. I ripped my own jeans off and pressed into her wetness. She was so ready for me. I lifted her off the ground and she wrapped her legs around me and pulled me into her with a flex of her heels. I dragged my teeth over her shoulder, my mouth unerringly finding the spot where I’d made her mine forever. I bit down and she hissed again as I began to thrust within her. She tilted her head and I dragged my teeth up her throat, nipping her everywhere.
“Harder.” I increased my pace, seeking to bring her whatever escape she needed. She moaned against me and dragged my lips to hers, passion meeting passion, our bodies crashing together in perfect rhythm, force to force. She arched away from the wall, her hips bowed out toward me giving me deeper access into her body. I thrust harder, anticipating the need before she vocalized it and she purred in appreciation, the vibrations rocketing through me and bringing me to the brink. I brought my hand to her bundle of nerves and flicked it with my middle finger. Bella went off then, bucking against me wildly as she lost herself in her orgasm. I followed immediately after her, emptying into her body as her tight walls clamped against me.
I pulled her close to me and held her then, her head resting on my shoulder as I carried her back up to the queen bed. I lay both of us down and wrapped her in my arms, staring out into the unending night, no words needed but some contentment reached. Her fingers intertwined with mine and I pressed my lips to her neck, our bodies perfectly aligned. “Thank you,” she whispered again.
“I do, Bella.”
Her fingers squeezed mine. “I do, too.”
BPOV
Edward held me all night long, his touch did more for me than he could possibly know but I was unable to tell him with words, so I showed him with a light caresses on his forearms. We watched the sun come up together and I felt the tension returning to my body. This was the day that I would die. Edward noticed my sudden rigidity and stroked my hair soothingly for a long time.
“Bella, love, why don’t you call him?”
It was about five in the morning in Washington but I knew he’d be up, ready to head out fishing with Billy. I wanted to call him so badly that it hurt but could I handle saying goodbye without him knowing what I was doing? Edward’s lips pressed just underneath my ear. “I think it’ll help you.”
I nodded and sat up, picking up my cell phone from the nightstand. Edward stood to give me some privacy but I grabbed his hand. “Don’t leave.” I needed him there in case I lost it and said something that would clue Charlie in that everything was not alright.
I dialed the familiar number for the last time and closed my eyes against the surge of pain that went through me at that thought. Everything was for the last time with my parents now. The phone rang two times before it was answered with a gruff, “Hello,” that brought a smile to my face. I could hear the annoyance in my father’s tone; he was anxious to be on the road and someone was interrupting that. He probably was afraid that it was work and he would have to give up his trip.
“Hi Dad.”
“Bells! What are you doing calling me so early? I thought college kids slept until noon.” I laughed at the inaccuracy of that particular statement when applied to me.
“I’ve never been a late sleeper, you know that.” Edward sat back on the bed and pulled me between his legs, wrapping both arms around me. I sank into him.
“That’s true. Glad you haven’t changed that much since you got married and went away, kid.” I bit back a sigh. If he only knew just how much I had changed.
“Nope, still me.” Edward squeezed my waist; I remembered him telling me I would still be me after my change and he was right, personality-wise anyway. Still, Charlie would be more than a little surprised at the physical differences.
“So what are you up to, Bells? Got homework to do?”
I jerked out of my ruminations and answered him truthfully. “No, no homework. Actually Edward and I are in Maine for the weekend.”
“Maine? What are you two doing in Maine?”
“The Cullens have a cabin here and we decided to get away for a few days for a little private time.” Charlie cleared his throat at the mention of private time and I had to suppress a giggle. Talking to him made me feel good, despite the guilt that was still weighing heavily inside me. Edward had been right, as usual. I’d have this conversation to hold on to, as would Charlie.
“Where don’t they have a house?” he muttered and I didn’t suppress the laugh then because I’d had the same question myself.
“Hmm that’s a good question. I don’t think they have one in Antarctica but I haven’t thought to ask.” Charlie choked out a laugh at my comment and I felt one rumble through Edward as well.
“Well at least you have someplace to stay wherever you decide to visit, Bells.”
“Good point, Dad.”
“So what are you two going to do there?”
I bit my lip and told him, laying groundwork for the lie and my “death”. “We actually got a new boat so we’re going to take it out for a couple of days.”
“You, on a boat for a couple of days during winter? Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?”
I laughed hollowly, his words going straight to my heart. “I’ll always be the same Bella, Dad, no matter what.” I paused, the words not wanting to come. Edward reached up to take the phone but I shook him off. “This boat has a cabin so I can relax inside while Edward freezes above.”
Charlie laughed. “That sounds more like you. At least he’s getting you out on the water though; it’s been years since I could do that.”
I wished I could go back and spend more time with him. Watching Charlie fish had bored me as a child but now I would treasure every moment. His next words speared at my heart. “Well maybe when you come at Christmas we could go out?”
“Sure, Dad, I’d like that.” I choked the words out, my emotions overwhelming me.
“What’s the matter, Bella? Are you and Edward having problems?” I wiped fruitlessly at my face, seeking to push away the tears that weren’t even there and shook my head. Then I realized he couldn’t see me.
“No, we’re great. I just miss you is all.” That was another truth I could give him. I would always miss him.
“I miss you; too, Bells, but I’ll see you soon. In three weeks, right?”
No, Dad, you’ll never see me again. But I’ll see you, soon. I just have to hold on to that. “That’s right.”
“Listen, kid, you have a good time up there in Maine. I have to go pick up Billy and hit the lake. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?” No it wasn’t okay and it never would be again.
“Sure. I love you, Dad.”
“Love you too, Bells. Bye.” He hung up and I sat and listened to the dial tone for several moments before Edward took the phone from me and folded me in his embrace. I buried my head in his neck and sought comfort in his stone arms, the peace I usually felt when he touched me was there but it wasn’t as all-encompassing as it usually was. The rumble of a motor nearby had me jerking up in surprise.
“That’s Emmett. It’s almost time to go. Are you okay?” His eyes penetrated mine, as if he were trying to see into my very soul.
“I’m fine. I need to call my mom first.” I would be fine, I just had to get through this and the life I wanted, the life I had chosen, was ahead of me.
“I’ll go down and meet him.” I watched as his graceful form flew down the stairs, his beauty still stunning to me after all this time.
Sighing, I dialed my mother and listened to the phone ring four times before her voicemail clicked on. I felt a pang of sadness that I wouldn’t get to speak to her but there was relief mixed in too. Renee was entirely too perceptive and she’d know something was wrong with me.
I heard the beep indicating it was time to speak. “Hi Mom, it’s me. I just wanted to say hello and tell you that I missed you. Edward and I are in Maine for the weekend and we’re about to head out on a boat ride. I love you and I’ll talk to you later.” I disconnected and looked out at the water for a few minutes until Edward came back upstairs. I nodded and got up from the bed, leaving my phone behind on the nightstand as if I would be coming back to retrieve it. Everything had to look like this was just an accident.
I walked down the stairs and directly into the waiting arms of Emmett. He didn’t swoop me up and swing me around like he usually did, he just held me. My panda bear. I burrowed into his mountain of a chest and he pressed a kiss to the top of my head, squeezing me tightly. “Are you okay, Little Sis?” His voice was muted, lacking its usual exuberance. I just nodded, not feeling like talking about it anymore. I just wanted it done.
Emmett pulled back and studied me for a moment, I guess looking to see if I was sure. I tried to keep a serene and confident look on my face. I’m not sure if I managed that well enough or not but Emmett just smiled sadly and said, “Let’s go.” Edward laced his fingers to mine and we went to the dock, where our boat was moored next to a smaller speed boat.
“It’s a shame we can’t blow this one up instead,” Emmett muttered, kicking the boat he’d ridden in with disgust. “Yours is much cooler. Look at that! Does it have the autopilot option?” Edward laughed and cuffed him upside the head since Rose wasn’t here to do it.
I shook my head and hopped aboard our boat, going to sit on one of the plush benches. Edward and Emmett spoke about locations but I tuned them out, just wanting to get it over with. Edward untied the boat, climbed aboard and started the engine. Emmett sped off before us and Edward followed behind. He held out a hand to me and I got up and took it, joining him at the controls.
“There’s still time to call this off if you want, Bella.” Time, it was a luxury that I both did and did not have. I had all the time in the world with Edward but that was not the case when it came to my parents. Sure, I could take another year or two and make up excuses as to why I couldn’t see them but ultimately that would hurt them more than having me ripped from their lives. It always would have to end this way, be it now or later. It was best to do it now, when they knew I was healthy and happy and that I still loved them with all my heart.
“No, Edward. I made my choice months ago. I can’t drag this out; it’s not good for them or for me.” He kissed my temple but the worry didn’t leave his face. I reached up to stroke his jaw and pulled him close for a quick kiss. “This is the hardest thing I will ever do but I don’t regret it. This is what I wanted. The reality is tough to deal with but I knew that I would have to sacrifice my family going in.”
“Are you sure it’s worth it?” He still doubted himself, I hated that. I shoved my feelings aside for the moment and focused on his. I knew he probably felt as much guilt as I did right now. I would deal with the rest of my feelings later, he needed me now.
“I’m sure you’re worth it. This,” I gestured between him and me, “is worth it. It’s everything.”
He cupped my cheek. “You’re my everything.” His words warmed me. It was worth it. It had to be.
Edward slowed the boat as we approached the spot where Emmett was waiting. There was a small island over to our right and a large strip of land to the left, but there were no houses or people anywhere to be found. “This is the spot, right?” Edward asked Emmett. He steered the boat alongside him and Emmett reached out to grab me, transferring me from our boat to his.
“Yes, this is where the current is the strongest. Alice said they’ll find some pieces of the boat but not much of it, assuming it’s all swept far out to sea. They won’t question why they can’t find your bodies.” I flinched and gritted my teeth. Emmett saw my distress and pulled me into another hug. I knew, of course, that there were no bodies to find but knowing that Charlie would be here, hoping to find me broke my heart. Edward hopped on board and pulled me into his arms.
“We don’t have to do this, Bella.”
“Yes, we do. Please, let’s just get it done.” He looked like he wanted to argue but after studying my face for a moment he got back on our ship and started messing around with the engine. He got back on Emmett’s boat.
“All set?”
“Yes, the fuel line is punctured. Get ready to floor it.” Emmett pulled ten feet away from our boat and Edward lit a match, flicking it toward the engine as Emmett started speeding away. I watched as the match landed where Edward had thrown it. A loud boom split the air and the boat ignited. It was a ball of fire within seconds. A second loud boom sounded and the boat exploded, pieces flying in all directions. Thankfully by that time we were over a mile away and nothing struck our boat.
Emmett stopped and we watched as what was left of the boat sank beneath the ocean. He placed a call from a disposable cell phone, claiming to have seen the explosion from the smaller island; I guess there were some houses there after all. He gave approximate coordinates and threw the phone into the water, speeding toward the larger strip of land. He pulled up near a big dune and anchored. “You guys will be alright?” Edward told him we’d be fine. “I have to get home to wait for the call with the rest of the family. I’ll see you in a day or two, okay?” I nodded numbly and Emmett hugged me again. Edward and I climbed into the water and walked to shore and waved as Emmett sped away.
Edward took my hand and led me toward the forest but I tugged him to a stop and looked back at the spot in the water where our boat had gone down. Isabella Swan Cullen, the human, was officially dead. I said a silent goodbye to her and then turned and walked into the trees with my husband at my side.
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