Taste of Innocence Chapter 13
Bella’s lips were firm and hard on mine. Her hands were buried in my hair and her tight body was wedged between the steering wheel and my own body, her breasts mashed against my chest. Were I a betting man, I would say she was finally going to let me fuck her. And I should have been fucking overjoyed by that very fact. I should have had her out of the car and naked and spread out on the hood like the most gorgeous hood ornament ever created. I should have had her inside our new house, christening every room five fucking times a piece without stopping as she screamed my name over and over. I should have had my cock buried in her right at this very fucking instant but Edward Junior had left the building the instant that fucking word entered my head.
Love? Where in the ever living fuck had that come from? I didn’t love anyone. I never had. Hell, I don’t think anyone ever loved me when it came down to it. My parents certainly hadn’t. I was their heir, their showpiece, their afterthought and their fucking disappointment. My grandfather didn’t know dick about love. The closest I’d ever come to receiving love had been my nanny, Jillian. She’d actually stayed with me for a year before she got run off by my mother for fucking my father. And now that I thought about it, she was probably just being nice to me to keep her job so she could keep boning him. And she wasn’t the last nanny my horny fucking father had run off with his cock. There was Shannon and Amy and Beth and Starla and Michelle and Ashley…the list was fucking endless. Carlisle was King Cockmaster back in his day. And they fucking wondered where I got it from?
I suppose I sort of loved Brenda, my mother’s friend who initiated me into the art of lovemaking, but I was fourteen fucking years old and that was pretty fucked up when I really thought about it. She’d been my mother’s bridge partner and she’d come to me one night when Esme passed out from too much champagne, a common occurrence. One thing led to another and little Edward wasn’t a virgin anymore and he never looked back. She came around for an entire year until I blew her off. I’d learned all I could from her and I had more to discover with new warm bodies.
And of the hundreds, shit, thousands of women I’d fucked, only one had ever made me feel happy and confused and excited and irritated and just completely fucking consumed. It was the girl that was in my arms right now. Was that love? How the fuck did I know? You know. Oh Christ, this guy again? Aren’t you supposed to go the fuck away now that I’m fucking enlightened? Isn’t that why you’re here, to guide me to the truth about my pansy ass fucking feelings? How many times do I have to tell you that I am you, you douche? I’m not going anywhere; even after you shout that you love Bella from the top of the fucking Empire State Building. I’m here to stay, get used to it. And if you think that you don’t fucking need me; you’re a bigger moron that I ever thought you were. I’m the only reason you’ve come so far with Bella and have her kissing you right now. Why the fuck am I talking to you when she’s kissing me anyway? Good fucking question. And you think you don’t need me? Jackass.
And that was a good point. My girl, the girl I apparently cared deeply for, if I was even capable of such a thing, was kissing me and I was busy arguing with the asshole in my head instead of enjoying the beautiful girl in my arms kissing me as if she’d never stop? I had huge fucking issues. My hands found their way to her ass and I started to squeeze and thank fucking God I felt Edward Junior come to life again. I was afraid he went on strike permanently and that shit just could not ever fucking happen.
Are you really going to make love to Bella in your fucking car you heathen? Jesus fucking Christ, didn’t you go away? I’d ask if you’re deaf but you don’t need ears to hear me, dickhead. I am always here. You should tell her you love her, she’d feel a lot better about fucking you then. And just like that, Edward Junior deflated again. God damn it. I was not in love with Bella. I liked her a hell of a lot fucking more than I did anyone else but that wasn’t the same as love. I’d been inside enough heads to know when a guy was totally fucking besotted with a woman and that wasn’t me. Yes, I thought about her a lot but that’s because we were together 24/7 and she was my responsibility. Yes, I did pussy whipped shit for her but that’s because she had me in a permanent state of hardness, present moment excluded, which was just fucking ridiculous. And yes, I liked her in more than a passing way but that wasn’t the same as love. So, there you go, I liked her. And she knew that already. So there was nothing to worry about. Love was off the motherfucking table.
I swear to God, if I was more than just a voice in your damn head I would kick your ass from here all the way back to New York City, you fucking fool. You LOVE her. Capital L-O-V-E. You wouldn’t be so fucking panicked if you didn’t and you sure as shit wouldn’t be limp dicked right now if that wasn’t the case. You’d shove me aside like you always do and bang the living shit out of her but you can’t do that, can you? Just like you couldn’t kill in front of her. You love her. Fucking admit it, if only to your god damn self.
Shit, that was the longest rant that irritating voice had gone on since he’d appeared in my head a week or so ago. What the fuck was up with that? So, alright, clearly I more than liked Bella. Did that automatically equate to love? No, I don’t think so. There are degrees to these things and maybe I could love Bella, if I were the loving type, but clearly I am not. Can you imagine your life without her? What will you do if this animal thing works out for her and she leaves your ass as soon as she can stand to be around humans again? I felt my chest seize up and my hands tightened on Bella’s waist as if to keep her with me for all time. See, moron. The thought of her leaving gives you a fucking panic attack. Welcome to love, asshole. Have fun.
Well now he was just being a dick. He sounded like he fucking enjoyed upsetting me. He probably did; masochistic inner voice that he was. He was hurting his own stupid self as well but did he give a flying fuck? No, of course not. I hated him. I don’t give a fuck if you hate me, admit it. Admit it or I’ll stay here all fucking night and ruin every single second of Bella’s kissing you. You’ve already missed, what, ten minutes talking to me? Wanna try for twenty? Thirty? She’ll start to wonder what the fuck is wrong with you and think you’re incapable of backing up all the shit that you talk.
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, alright. I admit it. Admit what? Like you don’t fucking know? You are me, remember? What did I just say, douchenozzle? FINE! I love her, okay? I love Bella Swan. I have no idea what in the fuck I’m going to do about it but she’s under my skin and I fucking like it even though it’s making me insane and it’s making me listen to your stupid ass. Now will you go the fuck away so I can actually enjoy her or are you going to stay and watch like the perverted asshole you are? Thank you, that’s all I needed.
I waited for a couple of seconds but he seemed to be blessedly gone. I moaned in relief and Bella pulled back and smiled tentatively at me. “There you are. I was beginning to think that you didn’t want me anymore.” Asshole, look what you made me do! She’s finally the aggressor and now she thinks I don’t want her because you were yammering at me for an hour. Fucking douche. And why am I talking to you again? Damn it all to hell. I was going insane.
“No, baby,” I reached up and stroked her cheek. “You just caught me by surprise is all. I was worried the whole way home that you were going to hate me for what you saw and then you started kissing me. To say I was surprised is a huge fucking understatement.” Her smile widened and her red eyes lit up with it. God she was beautiful. And inner voice might be the biggest prick on the planet but he was right about one thing, she deserved better than being fucked in the front seat of the Volvo. “Can I ask what brought that on anyway?” She was so fucking mystifying; I didn’t know which was up or down when I was with her. And you love that. Fuck it, I did. I am one fucked up individual.
She brushed my hair out of my eyes and continued to smile at me. Again I had to fight the urge to demand that she tell me what was going on in that unpredictable mind of hers. “Well, I don’t know exactly.” She bit her lip and tilted her head to the side.
“Why didn’t you stay in the car?”
She shrugged and looked sheepish. “I just had to see what you were going to do. It’s one thing knowing what you do, imagining it, but it’s another thing entirely seeing it with my own two eyes.” Well that was fucking confusing. What did that even mean? I raised an eyebrow at her and she giggled. “I may not want to kill anyone, Edward, at least not in here.” She pointed to her heart. “But there’s something inside me…something wild and primal and hungry and I could feel it pulsing in me as I sat there, knowing that’s what you were going to do. And God help me, I wanted it. I wanted to be a part of it. I was out of the car before I really thought about it and I could hear you, from a couple blocks away.” She was breathing heavily now and her eyes were dazed, almost as if she was in a trance talking about it. I understood though, it could be like that when you were on a hunt, particularly when you were a newborn.
I took her hand in mine and she shook her head and seemed to focus on me again. “When I got to the foot of the alley and I saw you, with your hands on his neck and him against the wall…I wanted him, Edward. I wanted to come and snatch him out of your hands and taste that blood. I could hear his heartbeat…I could feel it as if it were my own. It took everything I had in me not to take you up on your offer and finish him. And you didn’t push me,” she sounded awed and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat because I had wanted to. What was this fucking feeling? Shame? She was making me feel all sorts of shit I’d never felt before.
She squeezed my hand and I looked at that stunning face and I swear I could feel my own fucking heart flutter in my silent chest. I was so fucked. “You want me to kill people.” I didn’t say anything because it was true. “And you could have gotten me to do it. Or you could have bit him and that would have been enough to make me join you, just like you wanted.” Yes, that was true; we could have lived out the fantasy that had been my favorite before she woke up. “But you didn’t, Edward. You didn’t make me slip up. You didn’t kill that man in front of me, even though his thoughts about me upset you.” I felt that murderous rage coursing through me as I remembered what he wanted to do to her. I wanted to crush his nuts all over again and then drain him dry. How the fuck had I restrained myself? The answer to that question was right there holding my hand and looking at me with earnest eyes that shone with trust.
“For me, you let him live. You hurt him.” She grimaced as she no doubt remembered what I’d done. “But you didn’t kill him. And, well, this is embarrassing,” she murmured, looking down at our joined hands and running her thumb over the back of mine.
“What, Bella?” I asked softly, not wanting to push but just needing to understand this girl, for once in my fucking life.
“It was…”she broke off and I fought back a curse. She looked back up at me and bit her lip again. Edward Junior started pushing against my zipper at the sight. “It was sexy,” she blurted, raising her free right hand and covering her mouth.
I barked out a laugh of surprise. I didn’t meant to laugh at her, truly I didn’t, but I never thought I’d hear that escape her mouth when she was talking about me crushing some rapist’s cock. “Sexy?” I asked. Then again, should I be surprised? I would have found it hot as fucking hell if she did something like that in front of me and she was only human. Well, not human, but still…of course it was sexy.
She glared at me but didn’t pull her hand out of mine. “Yes, okay? Knowing that you could have killed him, it was exciting. Part of me wanted you to, so that I could join in and then blame you,” her voice lowered in shame and I shook my head.
“You could have blamed me. If I did that, it would have been my fault.” It would have been manipulative as fucking hell and prior to her coming into my life I would have done it in a heartbeat. What the fuck was wrong with me? Love. Right.
“But you didn’t,” she said, squeezing my hand and smiling at me again. I felt like a fucking hero when she looked at me like that. It was scary as fuck. “And you made sure he could never hurt another woman again. That was…” she broke off and shivered. “Incredible. Knowing you could snap him in half without a thought was exciting.” Edward Junior gave his own nod of approval, or more like a bob of approval I guess.
“Baby, I will happily snap someone in half for you. You just say the word and consider it done,” I leered at her and she scowled and smacked the side of my head with her free right hand. I felt Edward Junior straining against my zipper now. He was such a fucking masochist; we both were.
“What made it exciting was that you didn’t. For me. Because of me. Because you didn’t want to force me to do something I didn’t want to do. Because you…” she looked uncomfortable as she stopped speaking.
“Because I what?” I demanded. Did she fucking know? Was she just going to announce that I loved her as if it was no big fucking deal and she’d known all along? That would be a giant kick in the fucking balls let me tell you.
She fidgeted and looked everywhere in the car but me and I finally reached out and took her chin in my hand. “What, Bella?”
“Because you care about me?” she asked softly, looking up at me from under lowered lashes. Fuck, did she know what that look did to me? A part of me was relieved that she didn’t use the much hated word and another part of me actually felt a little disappointed. I wasn’t sure which emotion was stronger at the moment; it seemed to be a dead heat.
I could tell her, right now, I could tell her that I loved her and see what she said. Was she ready for that? Jesus, did she love me? Could she? She hated what I’d done to her, taking her from all she’d known. She hated the thought of killing someone but she did like vampires and I was one, so maybe she could love me. Probably not now though. In time, I could make her love me. Right? If I loved her, she had to love me. That was the only thing that was acceptable. If I was going to be a besotted fool, then she should be too. But she probably wasn’t yet. So I wasn’t going to say it. Nope, she wasn’t ready. And fuck, I certainly wasn’t ready to take a chance and give her my heart and have it thrown back at me. No fucking thank you. I’d survived of a century without experiencing that fuckery and I didn’t need to risk it.
Bella closed her eyes and I realized that she was waiting for me to answer her and she was probably scared as fuck that I would deny caring for her. God, I’m an asshole. Told you so. Fuck off. I traced my thumb over her cheek bone and her eyes flashed back open. “Yes, I care about you, Bella.” It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her if she felt the same way but that would be pushing her and she’d just said that my not pushing her had turned her on so I wasn’t about to start now.
The smile lit her face again and she breathed what could only be a sigh of relief. “It means a lot to me, that you didn’t encourage me back in that alley. And that you brought me here, so I could try this diet and get a chance to be outside and see the world again,” she told me, taking my hand in both of hers. “I know I’m not what you wanted me to be…”
I cut her off with a growl, incensed that she could even think something like that. “You’re exactly who I want you to fucking be, Bella. You may drive me crazy but it’s a good kind of crazy. I never get bored with you. I’ve never shared my life with anyone but it’s easy to do with you. Don’t you dare say you’re not who I want you to be. You’re exactly who I want.” Way more than you could ever fucking know.
She leaned forward and kissed me again. “Thank you for that, too. You’re showing a lot of patience with me and I’m pretty sure that’s not something you’re known for.” I leaned my head back on the headrest and howled with laughter. That was the understatement of the fucking century right there. She laughed with me and I delighted in the tinkling bell sound of her laughter. She broke off and chewed her lip again, her mood changes continuing to be lightning quick. Why the fuck did I enjoy the hell out of that?
“Edward?” Oh Christ, what did she fucking want now? I couldn’t even begin to guess what might be going on in that crazy head of hers and it scared the hell out of me. Was she going to ask me to bury Edward Junior in the forest? Was she going to ask me to go find her friends and turn them into vampires too? Was she going to ask me to take her to the ocean so she could taste a fucking whale? God only knew.
“What?” I asked, my voice rough with irritation and nerves.
She looked down at our clasped hands and began playing with my fingers again. “I just thought you should know that I care about you too.” The words came out all in a rush and she wasn’t looking at me but if she had been she probably would have seen a goofy ass smile on my face. She cared about me. That meant she had feelings for me and they were actually good ones. And given time that could become love and then we’d be on equal fucking footing finally.
I took my hand out of hers and cupped her face with both of mine, angling it so I could look into her eyes. She looked nervous as hell but I didn’t give a fuck. I leaned forward and kissed her, initially devouring her lips with my own but she sighed and the movements slowed and the kiss became like something out of a fucking romantic movie. It was soft and sweet and I felt warm all over from just that tiny bit of contact with her. I didn’t think I could feel more connected with her than I did in that moment, even if I were inside of her. God I was a fucking pansy.
Bella broke out kiss with a shaky laugh and leaned her forehead against mine. I wished my brain could merge with hers and I could know what the fuck she was thinking, as usual. “Maybe we should go check out the house,” she suggested softly. She was right, we’d been sitting in the fucking car for an hour and the sun would be coming up soon. We could explore the house and then the property and I could see her in the sunlight finally. I was ridiculously excited about that, further signs that I was a complete lovesick fool.
“You’re right, we should go inside.” I kissed her again and smiled against her lips when I felt her respond to me. She would be mine completely soon, I could feel it.
I pulled back and opened my door, hurrying around the car to open her door and let her out. I took her hand and pulled her from the vehicle, shutting the door behind us as we turned and face the house. We could both see it perfectly despite the darkness; the big white two-story home with a perfectly manicured lawn. It looked warm and inviting, the way a home should be; well maybe not a home that would be housing two vampires, but still. I tugged Bella over to the front door and handed her the keys I’d plucked from the mailbox at the end of the lane. “Why don’t you open it?”
She beamed at me and took the key and put it in the lock. She pushed open the door and swept her arm toward me to usher me in. I took her hand again and we walked in together, as it should be. It wasn’t necessary but I switched on the hallway light and Bella gasped as the shiny wood floors were illuminated. “It’s so beautiful! Even better than the pictures!” I couldn’t help but agree. I actually liked the place. Who’d have fucking thought? Bella walked over to the staircase and ran her hand over the gleaming wood banister. “I love it, Edward.” The awe and happiness in her voice made me tingle like a fucking girl and I felt my breath hitch at the words love and Edward appearing in the same sentence. What kind of ridiculous fucking reaction would I have when she actually did say what I longed to hear? Thank God I didn’t have tear ducts anymore because I would probably cry and there was nothing fucking manly about that, I didn’t give a damn what those talk show bitches said.
Bella came back over to me and took my hands in hers. “What’s the matter? Don’t you like it?” Jesus, I had to stop getting so lost in my fucking head, the poor girl already had enough complexes without thinking I was ignoring her or unhappy with her or whatever craziness ran through her head.
“I do like it. More, I like watching you like it.” Why not just hand her your heart on a silver platter, Cullen? She grinned again and let go of my left hand and pulled me by the right one into the kitchen. It had black marble flooring and matching countertops and wooden cabinets that matched the flooring, along with all these modern appliances that would go to waste but at least it looked nice.
Bella ran her free hand over the counter and sighed a little. “I wish I could cook here.” I felt my heart break at the wistfulness in her voice. I took that away from her without a thought. God I was a fucking asshole. About time you realized that. I didn’t even have the energy to tell him to shut the fuck up this time.
“You cook?” I asked, being the masochistic fool that I was. I should have to suffer through hearing what she lost when I turned her.
She smiled sadly and nodded. “Neither of my parents was very good in that department.” Well that was a big fucking surprise. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “So I learned by necessity. It was fun, relaxing.” I could think of several better ways to relax but they were better left unsaid at the moment.
She seemed to be lost in thought and I didn’t fucking like it so I pulled her over to the double doors that opened out into the backyard. “You can relax there, you know,” I pointed out, showing her the huge pool. The smile spread back over her face and I felt relief course through me. She’d be okay…we’d be okay. There was bound to be some sadness as she remembered her old life but in time and as she started to care about me more and more, she’d get beyond it. She had to. “Let’s go upstairs.”
She nodded and we walked hand in hand to the spiral staircase we’d both admired on the internet. Bella trailed her free left hand over the railing the whole way up and we turned left into a huge master suite. There was a very large king sized cherry bed in the middle of the room, along with a dresser and a couple night stands. There were several windows including a large bay with a padded seat. I knew, without a doubt, that Bella would curl up there and read constantly. I loved the mental image of her lost in a book while leaning against the wall with sunlight spilling across her skin. God I was whipped.
Sure enough, she dropped my hand and ran over to the window seat and plopped down, a huge grin on her face. “I can read right here! Oh, Edward, it’s so perfect.” I walked over to her and put my hand on her shoulder as we looked out the window together. There was a ton of open space closest to the house and beyond that forest and trees everywhere you could see. It was like we lived in our own little world. Jersey wasn’t so fucking bad after all.
Bella darted up from the window seat and ran into the bathroom. I heard her let out a little squeal and went to see what she was so excited about. I didn’t even try to keep the grin off my face when I saw the huge bathtub, Bella sitting inside it completely clothed and beaming as she stretched out. There was room enough for four people in the thing and it had white marble tile all around it and another huge window showing more of the open space around us. “I can read in here, too,” she informed me happily.
“I can think of some other things you, no we, could do in there,” I informed her. She bit her lip and hopped out of the tub with a giggle.
“I’m sure you can,” she said, rolling her eyes as she walked past me. She walked into the bedroom and stopped and stood by the bed. It took everything I had in me not to tackle her and take her then and there. “So, where’s your room?” she asked, effectively deflating my fantasies. I growled and she giggled. “Well it’s not like we need to sleep, right? I just need a place to put my clothes and this is it.” She had a point but…
“A bed can and should be used for way more than sleep,” I told her with a sexy purr. She bit her lip and ran her head over the dark blue bedspread, eying me nervously. I grinned at her discomfort and decided to play with her a little. I walked over to her and ran my hand up and down her arm. She shivered underneath my touch and I knew she wouldn’t resist me for much longer. It just wasn’t possible.
I kissed her cheek and she let out a tiny gasp as I trailed my lips over her jaw and down her neck, pressing soft kisses into the smooth skin as my fingers continued to move lightly over her arms. “You could read,” I whispered into her throat, nipping gently after my words. She tilted her head to give me better access and I smiled against her skin. “You could watch TV,” again punctuated with another love bite as she moaned. “You could play on the computer,” I said, nibbling the curve between her neck and shoulder. “You could write.” I bit the other side and her hands left the bed and found their way into my hair. “You could paint your toenails,” I whispered seductively, nearly laughing at the image of Bella painting her nails. She didn’t seem the type but who fucking knew? I worked my way back up her jaw and nibbled there before capturing her lips for a second. Her eyes, which had been closed, opened and I saw the dazed desire there. She was mine. “So you see, Bella, the bed has infinite uses. Can you think of any others?” Let’s see if she was fucking brave enough to admit that she wanted me, finally.
She scowled and pushed me away from her. I fell back a couple of inches and laughed at the mutinous expression on her face. She was so fucking beautiful. A wicked grin suddenly appeared on her face and I nearly shouted with triumph. It was about fucking time. She was going to admit it! “I can think of one other thing, Edward, but I’d need your help with it,” she purred. Edward Junior started doing a celebratory dance in my jeans.
I took a step closer to her and put my hands on her waist. “I am always ready and willing to help with all your needs, baby. What would you like me to do?”
She smiled sweetly and wrapped her arms around my neck, standing on her tiptoes and bringing her lips to within an inch of mine. “I need you,” she whispered, leaning forward and pressing a tiny kiss on the right corner of my mouth, followed by a matching one on the left side as well. About fucking time she admitted that she needed me. “I need you,” she murmured again, pressing her lips against mine for a second before pulling back just a bit and smiling up at me. “I need you,” she stepped closer and brushed her body against my cock. I groaned and tightened my grip on her waist, seconds away from finally claiming what belonged to me at last. I couldn’t wait to have her again.
Her lips touched mine briefly again before moving over my cheek and around to my left ear, which she nibbled for a second before sucking the lobe into her mouth. I felt like I was on fire and I started to tug at her sweater when she released my earlobe. “I need you,” she whispered again and fuck if I would ever tire of hearing her say that. “I need you to get out your laptop and order me a vibrator.” What the fuck? I pulled away and looked into her laughing red eyes and I swear I heard Edward Junior start sobbing in my pants. Jesus fucking Christ this woman was irritating.
“That wasn’t fucking nice, Bella,” I hissed, releasing my hold on her and turning to walk over to the window. Mother of fuck, I had to have her or I was going to explode and she fucking knew that and totally played me. You played her first. Fuck you. Maybe I had but she played dirtier. And you admire her for it. Maybe I did but that didn’t mean it didn’t piss me the fuck off either. Didn’t she see that she was hurting both of us by resisting me?
I heard her move behind me and felt her hand settle on my right shoulder while her left arm snaked around my waist. I wanted to shrug her off and tell her to go the fuck away but I wasn’t fucking capable of doing that. “Edward, I was just kidding,” she said softly and I heard the regret in her voice. She was too kindhearted to revel in her victory and I loved that about her too. I certainly would have been crowing from the rooftops if she’d finally let me have her again. I didn’t know what to fucking say so I just reached up and covered her hand with mine, enjoying the feeling of her pressed up close behind me. We stood there for awhile and watched as the sun started to come up over the horizon. I felt her lips move against my back and just for one moment I imagined she was actually kissing me. What a fucking joke that was right? Her left hand started stroking my abdomen and brushed over the button of my jeans and I pulled away abruptly. No way was I falling for that shit again.
“Do you want to eat?” I asked eventually, figuring we may as well get the fuck out of the bedroom if we weren’t going to be doing any actual fucking in it.
“Sure,” she said. I turned and saw her looking at me with some combination of sadness and regret. I started to walk to the door but her hand caught mine and I stopped and looked at her. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.
“No big deal,” I lied. It was a very fucking big deal and I was tired of the rejection. I’d leave her the fuck alone if that’s what she wanted. Hell, maybe that was the fucking key. If I acted indifferent to her maybe she’d finally give in. It was worth a shot. Bella looked like she wanted to say something else but I didn’t want to hear it and I needed to get the fuck out of the bedroom before I forgot my resolution to leave her alone and attacked her.
We walked down the stairs and out the front door. One sniff of the air told me where the cow was and we headed east. There was a muted glow as the sun had not yet risen all the way and Bella’s skin had a lovely sheen to it but wasn’t the blinding beauty it would be in about an hour. She was still fucking gorgeous though and I sighed at the sight of her. We came to the pasture area and I hopped over the wooden fence, showing Bella that climbing it was not necessary. She scrunched up her face and then took a couple running steps and leapt, clearing the four feet with about three feet to spare. Her face lit up with a smile and I felt my anger melting away at the sight of her happiness. I was such a fucking pussy.
The cow was grazing at the far end of the pasture, chewing on grass and either unaware or unconcerned with our presence. Bella walked toward it slowly, as if she thought the fucking thing was going to attack her. It was actually rather hilarious to see how cautious she was. I walked past her and strode right up to the thing, wrinkling my nose in disgust at the smell. Manure and dirt and grass…there was nothing remotely appetizing about the scent. The cow glanced at me but kept right on chewing on her breakfast. Cows were clearly dumb as fuck and didn’t recognize a predator when it was about to eat them.
Bella stood next to me and watched the cow with interest for a few minutes. I waited impatiently for her to get with the biting but she didn’t seem to be in any hurry. She walked around it slowly, as if sizing up her opponent. It was actually kind of fucking cute and I grinned at her serious expression as she circled the animal. She may have been a cockblocking tease but she was still delightful. The breeze was rifling her dark hair and she seemed in her element out in nature.
She stepped closer to the animal and reached toward it tentatively. It was about fucking time. Snap that neck and get with the drinking, sweetheart. Her hand found the top of the cows head and she patted it. What the fuck? Then she drew her hand over the head and alongside its back. She was petting the motherfucking cow. It mooed in approval, I guess, not attempting to get away from her. Was she lulling it into complacency? How much more complacent could it be? “Bella, what are you doing?”
She looked up at me as if she’d forgotten I was there, so caught up was she in petting her fucking meal before she killed it. “She likes me,” she said, continuing to stroke the animal. Jesus, if she wanted something to stroke I was right fucking here.
“That’s because she’s clearly stupid as fuck and doesn’t know a threat when it’s touching her,” I informed her testily. Could she get on with already so we could call this a failure and get on with eating the proper way? I was ready and willing to continue to live in Jersey, we could commute to New York whenever we needed to feed.
“You’re not stupid are you?” Bella crooned, petting the cow on the head as it continued to moo in approval. It actually seemed to like her, shifting closer to her touch. Well, I could fucking relate to wanting Bella’s hands on me. Great, now I was comparing myself to a fucking cow. Would my humiliation never end?
“Bella, are you going to eat the thing or are you going to pet it until it dies of old age?” I asked, irritated as I watched her sexy little hands give more affection to the cow than she’d given me anytime soon, the fuckery in the bedroom not counting since it wasn’t real.
Bella looked between me and the cow for a few seconds. What the fuck was going on with her? “She likes me,” she repeated. So the fuck what? I raised an eyebrow at her and thrust my hand for her to continue. “I never had a pet.” Oh fuck no. She had to be kidding. “I want to call her Willow,” she told me, smiling as she continued to stroke the bovine.
“You can’t be serious,” I said, disbelief echoing in my tone.
“I want to keep her,” she told me. “Can I?” What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? No? I didn’t want to eat the fucking cow so if she wasn’t going to, I guess we were stuck with it.
“What will you eat?” I asked. If she was ready to give up this animal farce then I’d buy her a whole herd of cows to tend whenever we weren’t in the city.
Her brow furrowed for a moment and then she smiled. Fuck, this was not going to be good news, I could tell. “Come with me,” she said, taking my hand and leading me toward the forest. What fucking now?
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