A/N Sorry to make you wait a couple days for the conversation. First up, Bella’s view; Edward’s will be with you this weekend. His chapter will parallel this one but I added to it as well so it’s not a verbatim break down. These will be the last chapters that offer the alternating viewpoint of the same situation, at least for now!
BPOV
As I stepped into the tent, my eyes instinctively flew to where Edward was sitting. I know he heard everything that happened. Jacob and I weren’t that far away and Edward’s mind reading extends a few miles, so surely he saw everything. And he saw it through Jacob’s eyes rather than my own, which meant that he had no idea how I was feeling and every idea how Jake was. The idea frightened me beyond belief.
Edward’s angel face was as dull as I’d ever seen it. He didn’t share with me that dazzling smile; his eyes weren’t alight with love. His eyes…I saw a flash in his eyes before they went as blank as the rest of his face. What I saw chilled me to the bone. Pain. Searing pain. I gasped and the tears that were already running down my face began to flow at an even greater speed. Without taking a second to think about it I launched myself into his stone chest, sobbing and choking out “I’m sorry” over and over again. If I said it enough, maybe he would believe me.
I didn’t deserve it, God knows I didn’t, but those strong arms of his encircled me as I cried all over his chest. “Shh, Bella, shh. It’s alright. Stop crying. I can’t bare it when you cry.” He muttered something else under his breath but I couldn’t catch it over my wailing.
“Edward, you have to know that I…”
“Wait!” Edward’s whole body went rigid with tension and I just knew that it was over. He wasn’t going to forgive me for kissing Jake. He wasn’t going to forgive me for hurting him. I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t going to forgive myself either. That one flash of pain he showed me would live in my mind forever. I now understood why he could never get over the hurt he caused me when he left. I would do anything not to have hurt him. I get it now and it’s too late.
My wails increased because he wasn’t going to let me tell him that I loved him and not Jacob. He wasn’t going to let me apologize for the kiss and the hurt I’d caused him. “Bella, I know you’re upset and I know we have to talk but the battle has started.”
Oh, that’s why he told me to wait; he had to concentrate on the fight. Of course he did, we had to know if our family and our friends were going to be alright. How could I have forgotten about Victoria and the newborns? Too caught up in my own drama I guess. I’d have thought this crap would end in high school but clearly that was not the case. Yes, we needed to save the majority of the talking for after everyone was safe, but there was something I had to say right now.
“Edward.” He looked over at me and the dead look in his eyes was gone. He looked scared. I don’t know if he was scared for his family or if he was afraid of what I was going to tell him. Probably a combination of both. “I know you need to concentrate but I do have to say this. I can’t go another minute without saying it.”
He closed his eyes and softly said my name. “Bella.” He shook his head and then opened his eyes and he let me see it then. He let me see the hurt and the terror and that almost overabundant amount of love he still had for me in that moment. “Please, if you are going to leave me, don’t tell me right now. I can’t get through that and sit here while my family fights my battles. It’s too much.” His beautiful golden eyes flashed with pain and anger as he uttered those last 3 words. It was too much. I had put him through entirely too much for weeks now. And I didn’t even see it.
“Edward!” This time I said it more forcefully and I leaned forward and took his perfect face between my two small hands. “I am not leaving you. I will never leave you. I love you and only you. I know I hurt you and I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am for that. I know you saw what happened with Jacob but you can’t possibly know…”
When I said Jacob’s name his face twisted into a grimace and I swear if he could cry he would be crying right now. I think he almost sobbed in that moment. “Edward, I am so sorry I did that. I’m so sorry that you saw me do it but you have to know I only did it because he scared me. He threatened to…”
Anger flashed in his eyes and his hands reached up and gripped my wrists, still holding on to his face. “I know what he threatened to do, Bella. But do you honestly believe he was going to let himself die just to prove that he loves you? He accuses me of being a manipulator and look at what he did. Time and time again he’s played on your emotions and you didn’t even see it. You just went along and gave in to him every single time! He used your love and you let him!”
His grip tightened on my wrists, not the point of pain but I would probably have some bruises to show for it. “I didn’t even think about it like that, Edward. I know he makes me feel guilty for not spending time with him and he makes me feel bad about not loving him but he’s not a bad person.”
Edward laughed bitterly in that moment. “No, he’s not a bad person, Bella; he’s just a kid using every weapon he can to try to get what he wants. I actually almost respect him for that. Well the part of me that doesn’t want to kill him does anyway.”
“Edward Cullen! Don’t you talk like that! Jacob might have manipulated me but he was there for me when I needed a friend.”
Oh no, the pain was back in his eyes again. I almost preferred the anger. I knew he’d never hurt me but I sure didn’t want to be hurting him. “Yes, Bella, I know. I know what he did for you and I will never be able to repay him for that. I want to hate him, but how can I hate him for seeing how special you are and for loving you too?” His voice broke on that last question and I felt a pit settling in my stomach.
“Edward, I don’t care that he loves me. I know that’s terrible to say. I do love Jacob, but only as a friend. You’re the one I love; you’re the one I want to be with.” Seth whined from outside the tent but I didn’t really focus on that.
“Are you sure, Bella?” he asked in an agonized whisper. “There’s so much that he can give you that I can’t. You can have a normal life with him. You can have your family. You can have children. Being with me takes all that away from you and I don’t know how you could sacrifice that for me. I’m not worth it.”
“Not worth it?” Anger was coursing through me now. “Edward, you are everything to me. I have told you that time and again. You’re the only person that I can’t live without.” I looked into his doubting eyes and tried to shake some sense into his rock hard head. “You know this; you know what happened when you left. Yes, eventually I began to function like a human being again but I never felt, I never lived until you were back with me.”
Edward closed his eyes as my words washed over him. I know what bringing up his leaving does, how guilty he truly feels about it but I had to remind him so he’d know that there was no way I could go on without him. “I don’t need Jacob as some kind of human safety net, Edward. You’re the one I want. You’re the one I choose. If you don’t want me anymore, I won’t go running to him. You’re the only one for me.”
Those golden eyes looked up at me, something fighting through the hurt and despair. Was it hope? “You mean that, Bella? You don’t want to be with Jacob?”
I sighed. “Edward, do you know what I was thinking the whole time that he was kissing me?”
“No. I tried to figure it out but I couldn’t see your eyes and your face didn’t give anything away. It nearly drove me mad wondering what you were feeling,” he cringed, clearly picturing it in his head again.
“I was thinking of all the mistakes I’d made. How I’d lead Jake on and how I’d hurt you by trying to fit myself into both of your worlds. I didn’t see it, Edward. I didn’t realize just how much it hurt you when I snuck off to see him. I thought it was all about my safety but that wasn’t it, was it?”
“No, of course not. I did worry about you, naturally. Not being able to know if you were safe or not always upset me, but it was more than that. I knew how he felt about you, so of course I didn’t like you being around him. I was afraid he’d take you away from me. Even worse than that, though, was that I didn’t know how you felt about him. I knew you cared about him a great deal and even that you loved him, but there’s always been a part of me that was afraid that you were in love with him.” He let go of my wrists and began wiping my remaining tears away. I had finally stopped crying, at least for the moment.
“Edward, how could I ever be in love with anybody else when I am so completely in love with you?” Just then, an earsplitting howl pierced my subconscious. “What happened? Did one of the wolves get hurt in the battle?” I began to panic, wondering which one of my friends had gotten injured on my account. My bad luck was rubbing off on everyone. Edward’s face shifted rather quickly, it almost looked like he smiled but it was gone before my brain could process what it was seeing. Surely nothing amusing could be going on, could it?
“Nothing happened, Bella; that was Jacob.”
“Jake? What happened to Jake?”
Edward looked a little sheepish. “I know you’re going to think after what happened a little bit ago that I did this on purpose.”
“Did what on purpose? What is going on?”
“He heard what you said, through Seth. He knows that you don’t love him, at least not the way he wants you to.”
Dammit, how could I have forgotten, again, that we had wolves that communicated through their minds all over the place? Stupid supernatural creatures and their special abilities! I waited for the guilt to hit me but surprisingly it didn’t. I was truly sorry that Jake had to hear me tell Edward that I didn’t love him, but I didn’t feel nearly as bad as I did knowing that Edward had to see me kissing Jake. I had made my choice. “I’m sorry, Jake,” I whispered, certain that he would hear.
“Bella, I completely forgot that Seth was even there, I swear. I wasn’t trying to fool you into doing that.” Something flickered in his eyes and he looked down and ran his hand through his hair, messing it up even more than it usually was.
“I know you didn’t. I am sorry that Jacob had to hear this way. I owed it to him to sit down and tell him how I feel about him but I owed it to you more to make sure you knew that it was you that I love.”
For the first time in what seemed like years, Edward smiled that special lop-sided smile that made my heart leap. “I love you too, Bella. I know I’m not good enough for you but I also know that I can’t live without you.”
“I know I freaked out on you about the engagement and the wedding and I’m sorry for that. I let my own family hang ups get in the way of what’s right with you and me. I was hoping that you would put your mother’s ring back on my finger when we get back home? I want everyone to know that I choose you and that you choose me.”
His glorious face lit up like it did when I agreed to marry him. “Bella, we still have a lot more to talk about before we get married, but I don’t want to wait to put the ring back on your finger; we don’t have to wait until we get home.” He took the antique ring out of his pocket and slid it on my left ring finger. I couldn’t deny that it fit like it was made specifically for me. This time the panic didn’t come, though. I really was at peace with my choice. As long as I had Edward, I had everything.
He leaned forward and pressed his cool lips to mine. I pressed as hard as I could into his iron embrace and gave him all the love I had in me. He pulled back and chuckled, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Not that I ever want to quit kissing you, love, but don’t you want to know how the fight with the newborns is going?”
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Sorry it took so long to get back to your site and respond!!
Great chapter. Can’t wait for Edward’s POV. Loved the line: “Edward, how could I ever be in love with anybody else when I am so completely in love with you?”, and the line “As long as I had Edward, I had everything.” Both are so true.
I’m glad you had Bella explained herself to Edward before she had her talk with Jake. He is (and should be) number 1.
See the New Moon clips that were showed at Comic Con. They looked really good to me. I’m totally going to lose my shit in the theater. I have to be careful who I go see this movie with. It could be embarrassing watching it with someone who isn’t as insanely obsessed with Twilight as I am. It’s too bad you don’t live in Arizona Nole!
Hehe I hear you! I saw the clips as well although I must say having her utter the “You’re sorta beautiful” line to Jacob after he gets shirtless did piss me off. I am hoping hallucinEdward is standing behind him but I don’t think so. That bugged me some, even if it was true. hehe Loved the Volterra scenes and seeing our shadowed Edward unbuttoning his shirt. I’m amazed and actually kinda pleased that they’ve still managed to keep the Volturi hidden away. I’m dying to see how they look but at the same time it’d be nice to be surprised by them when the movie hits.
I wish I was there too, I have NOBODY here to go see the movie with. I dragged my mom to Twilight but I know I’m not getting her to a movie that has werewolves. hehe I did make a date to go see Eclipse with my friend, Dee, in Cincy in June, though. I figured I’d need someone to get me through the Jacob kiss and subsequent crying jag.
I loved that line as well! I also have a great line in chapter 6 that I let Jacob utter (shocker I know). I’m glad you liked it. Edward’s point of view turned out to be 2 pages longer. Shocker, that! hehe His is even better I promise. And I’ll have that up by Sunday.
I had to have Edward be her #1 priority. I really wanted it to be clear that she’s made her choice and she’s going to live with it, even though it will cost her Jacob. More to come soon!
I am so with you on the “you are sorta beautiful” line. I read about it before I watched the clip and my first thought was that Edward had better be standing behind him. But, after watching the clip, I don’t think there is such luck. It pissed me off too. I had to remind myself that Bella did mention in the books that she thought he was handsome. I don’t remember that line specifically though. I really hope this is as far as the love “triangle” goes in the movie. I also watched all the panel discussion sessions from Comic Con (I’m sure you did as well), anyway in one of them, Taylor says that he loved New Moon because this is where the “triangle” begins. And then Rod cuts in and says, “arguably”. I laughed. He sees it my way too. What triangle…hmph. Anyway, I have some people to see the movie with, but one already thinks I am insane because of my obsession, one is a Jacob fan (I don’t think I could sit next to her), and then there is my husband who is refusing to see it….thank God. Oh, well, I guess I’ll just go with my friends and let my obsession completely out of the bag!!
Can’t wait for the Jacob line. It must be good if you gave it to him 😉
Ha, it’s great that you got irritated by that one as well. I know there was no Edward in the shot but I thought maybe they left it out on purpose to get the Jacob fangirls excited. Man, was there a TON of yelling for Taylor this time out. I was happy for him thought. He’s a sweet kid and he’s honestly the best to talk to of the three of them. Rob’s so shy (albeit awesomely snarky) and Kristen’s just horrid with press but he handles it like a pro. Oh, and I totally fell in love with Chris Weitz from his commentary. He is made of awesome.
Rob’s “arguably” comment made my day. Hehe He clearly understands the books, unlike the rest of them. Kristen, I thought, was over the top in Taylor love but that’s probably just to downplay the rumors about her and Rob. I dislike her greatly. Oh, and that hair is hideous. hehe
I don’t know why any of my friends here can’t have Twilight obsession. I have several across the country but not locally. They suck and I should dump them. hehe Yeah, you cannot sit next to Team Jacob girl in the movie. That would be hard to tolerate!
Chapter 6, wait for it! I think it’s my favorite, even though it’s a Bella chapter. Funny how that goes!
Another great chapter and I am so glad this conversation got to happen. It bugged me so much how SM didnt let Bella explain herself thoroughly to Edward. It gives them more of a connection, brings them closer together…next chapter here I come
Good timing since I just slapped chapter 4 up! I like it even better than this one, for obvious reasons. hehe Edward’s mind is a fascinating place.
My head is spinning. Not only about the chapters, though I believe the last two I’ve read (not in subsequent order mind you) were both great and well written and brilliant even, but because I don’t have a faintest idea of what you were talking about earlier. Though after being burned by them so many times, I think I’m better off avoiding spoilers. Even if they are about a story I already know.
I thank you for the compliment. Since you’re about 5 chapters ahead of everybody else I imagine there is some confusion, but hopefully it’s all progressing in a way that makes sense! You cannot be totally spoiler free, seeing as I’ve laid the groundwork for everything I had planned, but I promise to surprise you here and there!
I meant about the movie. For some reason I don’t mind reading spoilers about stories but with movies and tv shows it’s best to stay far, far away from those. I only get mad at something that might or might not happen and something I’ve decided to hate will turn out to be harmless because of the brilliant actors spinning crap into gold. But when I read, it’s all happening in my head and I can smooth out the unpleasant parts and concentrate on the pleasant ones.
And I’d really love to give some thoughtful feedback even now, after reading the same chapter once or twice before but I fear I’m at loss with words.
Just in case you didn’t notice, I posted a link to the only Twilight board I frequent. I hope Tripp is doing better job at promoting the story than I am 😉
Oh the movie! Sorry about that, they just came out with those two new clips at Comic Con and I got my excitement factor up again. Yes, one line brought out my inner psycho but I have to suck it up and deal. Eclipse will drive me more insane I’m sure, what with the kiss and all. Hee. Anyway, AGO and I were embracing our inner fangirl over the movie stuff. We’ll calm down now, I swear!
I saw that link and I thank you for it! I joined and will have to look around. No need to worry about promotion yet, I’ll wait til I have about 20 chapters or so and then consider putting it up on fanfiction and twilighted and going from there. I’ll also eventually link it at the Unicorn forum where I got most of my recommended fics.
I will soon do another fic thread, I have several more to link you guys too (including one specifically for you) and I am rather proud that I seem to be some kind of fic finder for the masses. I’m still getting anywhere from 20-50 hits a day on that blog with people looking for stories. It’s pretty amazing, the twilight fic fandom!
AGO- The line “You’re sort of beautiful” is indeed in the book version of “New Moon”, when Jacob gets in the truck and takes off his shirt and catches Bella staring at him (if I remember correctly). So, I guess for authenticity sake (and Jacob fangirls) they had to include it. Whatever, let the fangirls enjoy it while it last, it’ll be short lived.
I have quite a Twilight and vampire literature friends here in Texas, it’s impressive (if you’ve not seen it, there is an embarrassing picture of us dressed as vampires at my annual vampire party, under “Twilight” labels). You know you always have a place with us in Texas, should you want to come to the Lone Star State to see the movie. PLUS, we’ve got the filming locations of FNL.
I can’t wait to read the next chapter, EPOV is always exciting.
Good point, we do know how it all turns out after all. hehe Just my immediate reaction was one of irritation, even though Taylor’s shirtless chest was indeed sort of beautiful. Which makes me feel dirty since he’s a child. My Rob crush is bad enough but even I have to admit the boy is rockin a nice body.
I could go on a little cross country New Moon tour! Hehe Wouldn’t that be fun? I think it’s cute that you guys have a vampire party, I’ll have to look at those pics!
EPOV chapter is up, hope you liked it!
Oh it’s really nerdy. My husband was concerned I’d start taking up LARPing (which I actually admire those with the conviction to do that, but could never do it myself).
Yeah, Taylor is a good looking boy. Beautiful is probably an appropriate term. Better then “hot”. And I have to say, he looks better without his shirt then Rob does, but a muscular chest is not everything, right?
A New Moon Tour would be awesome! You could come have some non-LARPing vampire fun at the vampire party. Just be sure to bring a costume.
LARPing…I learned about that on Supernatural. hehe Who says TV can’t be educational?
Chests are a matter of taste, as with anything I suppose. I have always had a thing for skinnier yet defined guys, kinda like Rob. Not that I mind bigger and muscular either…I also like dark hair and lighter eyes, so you can see why Rob might appeal. His blue/gray eyes kill me. Not that I don’t like Edward’s golden eyes but I look forward to seeing Rob in his other movies so I can get lost in the blue. I’m so easy. hehe
I used to work with a woman (well, more like girl) who was a “Vampire, the Gathering” LARPer, about 9 years ago. Her and her friends would run around downtown Palo Alto CA wearing capes and fake fangs. I’m surprised they never got arrested.
Some great examples of the more traditional LARPers are those Gettysburg civil war reenactments, and if you’ve seen that movie “Role Models” with Paul Rudd. One of my friends had a Dungeons and Dragons LARPer for a college roommate, the guy had wooden swords and homemade chainmail.
I always think of Rob as being so young… I have to say, it is better then some of my girlfriends posting shirtless pictures of Daniel Ratcliffe on their blogs, that just seems wrong… At least Rob is in his 20s!
Yes, I feel like a cradle robber for my Rob lust. At least my other lustee, Jensen, is closer in age to me. Maybe I’m just an equal opportunity luster?
I saw Role Models and that cracked me up. LARP is a new term for me but I of course was familiar with the civil war thing. Your friends picked the right state to do that, I imagine Cali looks less upon it than somewhere like Idaho would. hehe
You two… I’m in my twenties and who do you think I only have eyes for in the flick? Billy Burke and Peter Facinelli (even if I hated the hair).
Anyone born in the 1980’s is a no-no for me. In the movies that is. Well maybe I could make an exception for David Anders but I’ve only seen him on tv so far.
Hehe I went for the older guys when I was younger, have no doubt about that. And I love Peter and Billy, more for their awesomeness on Twitter than anything else though. Peter is pretty hot, minus the Carlisle hair!
OH! Jensen. How can anyone not be in love with him? That’s just crazy. AND I believe he’s born in the 70s, so he’s safe for Rameau as well! I have a tough time lusting after anyone younger then I am as well, though that gets harder the older I get!
Billy Burke? Really? I see “dad” when I see him. Not because he’s old, more because he just seems parental. Do you also think Stephen Moyer is the hottest one on TrueBlood?
I can’t imagine Peter Facinelli as anything other then “Mike Dexter”, so I can’t really see him as hot, not that he is unattractive (minus the blond hair)… he’ll always be high school jock jackass to me… I do enjoy him on that show “Nurse Jackie”.
Hee, I think Rameau would make an exception for Jensen even if he was born in the 70’s…what say you?
Who is Mike Dexter? I don’t know that I ever watched a Peter F show til Twilight, though I have heard Nurse Jackie is good and will have to Netflix it.
Yes, I would definitely make an exception for Jensen even if he was born in the 80’s. Because of his close connection I might even have to make an exception for his on screen brother though, as long as Jensen and Jared are so closely connected, I’ll always choose Jensen.
And yes, Billy Burke too. I saw some pretty pictures of him and he qualifies to the hot list for me.
I don’t know about Mike Dexter either but I vaguely remember seeing Peter in something else. I just can’t for the life of me remember if it was any good or not.
As for lusting after younger men, wait until I reach my thirties… let’s just say it runs in the family. Granny was few days older than granddad and mum is nearly a year older than dad. There might be a very good reason why I’m still single and not a cradle robber. 😛
Yes, there are exceptions for every rule! Men are there for our admiration, don’t you know? You’ll have to keep us posted over the years and we’ll see if you start making an exception for the younger men. As a football fan, every year the NFL is replenished with younger blood, some of it so very hot, so I’m used to feeling like a cradle robber!
Yeah, hitting 30 really changes things… I used to think “oh, I’ll never be lusting after younger men”, but as I get older,it’s unavoidable. Eventually it’s bound to happen. And in sports? There’s no contest. They have some of the hottest guys, and they’re bound to be younger and younger then older I get! It’s really the only thing I’m looking at on those rare occasions I do see any type of sport being played (besides soccer).
Mike Dexter is a character from the movie “Can’t Hardly Wait”, one of those teen party movies from about 10 years ago. It’s like a 90s version of 16 Candles, though not as cool. It’s worth watching, if only to see Peter. Jennifer Love Hewitt is also in it, but she doesn’t talk that much, so you can almost over look it.
Oh yeah, I’ve seen that movie and actually I saw it fairly recently again on television. I watched for a few minutes but I didn’t even grasp the fact that that was Peter. I was busy laughing at Seth Green, whom I love (not in a hot guy way, in a he’s awesome sort of way). Next time I run across it I will pay more attention, even if JLove or whatever stupid name she calls herself is in it (I have an irrational hatred of her which began with Party of Five).
You’re not the only one with an irrational or at least a semi-irrational hatred for said “actress”. Even if she happens to be in a good story it soon turns to sour because of her presence.
As for Peter, I finally remembered where I had seen him. Ever heard of a series called Fastlane? I think he was the only reason I watched the show at all even if I didn’t like it that much. Only lasted for one season.
Thank you! I knew he was in some “car” show but I couldn’t for the life of me remember what it was. I was going to go to IMDB if it didn’t come to me soon. And no, I never watched it but I remember seeing ads and thinking he was pretty hot. I’m ashamed to say I mostly know him for being married to the chick that played/plays Kelly on 90210.
Ha, another hater. Love the use of the word “actress” in quotes. It’s quite fitting. I always said they should give her breasts twin billing because they were generally the “stars” of her movies.
Her breasts and her giant hair. In “Can’t Hardly Wait” the hair is almost as distracting as the breasts. I had forgotten that JLove was on Party of Five… I think I had sort of stopped watching it by that point, it got SO depressing. Seth Green is hilarious, my husband was watching that movie “Sex Drive” and he is in it, he was probably the best part of that movie. OR even better that movie “Can’t Buy me Love”? Seth was funny from way back.
OH! I totally remember “Fast Lane” with Bill Bellamy from MTV? That show was lame, but I watched it. “Nurse Jackie” is better, but sort of an understated funny… I think they need more of Peter to make it better. And less sex, it is not an improvement to that show.