Author’s Note:
I read the Twilight Saga last November and quickly became captivated by the story that Stephenie Meyer created. To say that I became obsessed is probably an understatement, as here I am eight months later still reading about it. I’ve decided to try to write about it now, after a month of reading fanfiction and feeling inspired to give it my own shot. This is my first fic so I don’t know how it’ll go, I know what I plan to do but we’ll see how it goes when I actually get it all down on screen.
I lack the creativity that so many fanfiction authors possess, so instead of making up my own story from scratch, at least this first time out, I’m going to stick with Meyer’s story and attempt to correct an egregious error she made, at least in my book. I know several people who have the same issue, so I’m not alone and I want to fix it and see how the story would go if this step had been taken.
We pick up toward the end of Eclipse, when Jacob is kissing Bella at her request after he threatens to off himself in the battle with the newborn vampires. We pick up with Bella’s description of that moment, letting us know what she’s thinking, now let me know what you think!
BPOV
You would think that kissing a man with a body temperature of 108 degrees wouldn’t leave a person cold, wouldn’t you? But here I was, having my mouth devoured by Jacob and I felt nothing. No heat, no passion, no excitement. If I had to put it into words I guess I would say that I felt numb. I couldn’t even feel the love that I felt for my best friend in that moment, not knowing that what I was doing was going to hurt the man that I truly loved; a man who despite his frigid body temperature never left me cold inside.
I flashed back to Edward’s kisses from just two nights ago, when he finally broke me down and got me to agree to be his wife. Ugh, wife! But I couldn’t begrudge him that, not when I saw the joy that he felt when I gave him his much longed for yes. I have never seen my Edward happier and I swear I will do anything from here on out to bring that glowing smile to his face. Edward had kissed me that night with unrestrained passion, which he never does out of fear of hurting me. His love had left me hot and breathless and worked up for so much more.
Edward! I groaned, thinking of how I was going to walk back to that tent and face him after kissing Jacob. What would it do to him? He had been so hurt this morning after watching me sleep in Jacob’s arms. His eyes looked dead…I never wanted to see him look like that again. I hated the pain I had caused him and I know I’m only going to cause him more with this kiss. I just have to make him understand that it means nothing.
Crap, Jake heard my groan and tightened his grip on me, clearly he thinks I’m enjoying this just as much as he is. I wish he’d hurry up and let me go. I hate this situation and I hate knowing that I’ve caused it. I knew Jake had feelings for me and I kept going to see him. I see my selfishness now; it wasn’t fair to lead him on and it wasn’t fair to make Edward feel insecure either. I don’t understand how such a gorgeous creature could ever be insecure over me, but I know that he is. That look on his face this morning is burned into my brain now. I can’t let it go, he really does think he can lose me. I have to show him he’s the only one.
Damn, Jake, would you hurry up so I can go talk to him? I need to make it right. Once and for all, I need to end this seesaw ride I’ve been teetering on since we got back from Italy. I need to make my choice and it’s an easy one. It’s the choice I made the day I figured out that Edward was a vampire. It didn’t matter to me because he’s the one. The only one. Jake was just going to have to understand that and let me go. I have to let him go too, though. That’s my fault. I should have dealt with this long ago.
Finally the pressure on my lips starts to ease and Jake pulls back, keeping his hands on my shoulders. He smiles that special smile that lights up his whole face and my heart lurches. I hate that I’m going to hurt him. He was there for me when I needed him most but I just can’t be there for him, not the way he wants me to. I open my mouth to tell him but he reaches forward and gives me another kiss, a peck this time.
“Gotta go, Bells! We’ll talk about this later, but right now I have some bloodsucker butt to go kick!” As big as he is, I often forget he’s only 16. Times like this drive home just how young he truly is. He’s like a little kid running off to play war with his buddies, not understanding the gravity of the situation. My friends could get hurt, or even die today and he’s busy whooping it up over getting to fight some vamps.
“Jacob…”
“No time, Bells, the newborns will be here soon and I’ve got to go phase. See you later!” He planted another kiss on me and raced into the forest. Clearly I’ll have to deal with him later, I guess at least he’s going off thinking that he has something to fight for. That was my goal after all, the reason I asked him to give me the ridiculous kiss.
Now that it’s over, I have to go find Edward. I know he’s probably seen everything through Jake’s eyes and I’m scared to death at what I’ll find when I return to the tent. I realize that I’m crying. When did that start? I impatiently wipe my tears away. I have to go find Edward but my feet don’t want to move. I’m so anxious to see him but so scared at the same time. Baby steps, Bella. One foot after the other. He loves you, you know he loves you. He’ll listen. He just has to.
As I walk through the forest, partially obscured by the tears that are still leaking down my face, I ponder everything that’s happened over the last two days. I got engaged. Me, Bella Swan, getting married. Soon to be Bella Cullen. I really do like the sound of that, even if I don’t like the idea of marriage itself. It’s not really the idea of forever with Edward that scares me. How could it? I want to be with him for eternity. Hundreds, maybe thousands of years. No, it’s Renee. Renee and Charlie. How are my parents going to react to this news?
I glance down at my now empty ring finger. It won’t be empty for long, at least as long as Edward forgives me for kissing Jake. God I hope that one impulsive move doesn’t ruin us. Now I find myself hoping to get to the chance to tell Charlie and Renee that I got engaged. Please, please don’t let everything be ruined. I need Edward. He’s my everything. I will spend my life making sure that he knows that.
My feet have carried me to the clearing where we camped last night. Seth is pacing back and forth in front of the tent, his body tensed. He glances at me and looks quickly away. I know he knows what I just did and I’m sure he’s judging me for it. Welcome to the club, buddy.
I ignore him and walk toward the tent. You can do this, Bella. I take a deep breath and duck inside, ready to face my love, my fate and my future.
[…] […]
I like what you are doing with Bella. She’s recognisable from the books but somehow more mature and likeable. But more than that, the fact she realises she has to hurt someone and Jacob in particular and that she understands she really can’t have it all, or have them both as it is in this case, makes this story better than the original in my humble opinion.
The warm embrace that leaves her cold inside is something I could relate to as well as her bafflement with the recent engagement. What can I say? I like this version of Bella more than I thought I would.
Knowing Edward and his talent with the exceptions of it, makes it interesting to see just how he interprets Bella’s behaviour and expressions and what she’ll say to him.
P.S. I love being spoiled.
Thanks so much Rameau. I am going to be writing a slightly more mature Bella. It was just after this scene that she started to realize the damage that she had done to both Jacob and Edward in the books. Rather than wait, I decided to have her come to that conclusion during her impulsive act. Where Meyer truly fouled up, in my humble opinion, was having her decide she loved Jacob too. That made the whole Renesmee thing even more gross in my eyes and it just came out of nowhere for me. I’d rather have her be this way, truly in love with Edward and knowing that her love for Jacob was nothing more than friendship.
Hee, I’m glad you like being spoiled, since you’ll be getting every chapter as I do them! I feel good about what’s been done so far and I’m excited for what I know is coming. Hopefully everybody will feel that way as well!
I so wish this is how SM wrote that scene. You have read my mind! But, I’m sure you are not surprised that I agree 100% that SM should never had made Bella love Jacob too!
I am curious to see how you have Edward react to the kiss. I have told many of my friends (and my husband as well), that my husband is truly my Edward…in so many ways. But, there is one way they are completely different. If he had seen me kiss one of my friends like Bella kissed Jacob after we were engaged, that would have been the end of us. He never would have shared me with another…not even one kiss. I can’t wait to see how you make Edward react. In my opinion, I thought SM’s version was completely unrealistic. I don’t know any man who would be that understanding after witnessing a kiss like that…not to mention a whole night of sobbing.
Anyway, this is a really great start. I can’t wait for more!!
I agree, Bella is much more mature and more realistic in your story. Great start thus far and cant wait to read the rest. Congrats 🙂
Ago. In the books, I didn’t mind the fact that Bella was in love with both men/boys because to me that’s reality, to feel torn between two possibilities both seeming so right in so different ways and having to choose which is more important to you. But for her to act upon it and for him, Edward, to feel so understanding did appear more than unnatural. We are still talking about the hundred year old virgin, not in thoughts but in acts and in his own feelings.
That’s why these two “teenagers” were so well suited for each other. They both were naive but in different ways. Edward grew up in a more naive age but he saw in other people’s mind all the things that stole that naivety from him whereas Bella grew up in a time when naivety is lost before puberty. In many ways his ideals were more naive than hers although in acts they both were still innocent… and now I’m losing my focus.
I do however agree that SM’s Bella should have made a clear choice, a sacrifice which she was never required to make. Luckily fanfiction and Nole are here to save the day.
In real life, depending on the situation a kiss is something I can see myself forgive *I am a very forgiving person* but other things and acts; maybe once. But if the trust is be lost there’s really no going back.
Glad you guys like it so far. I was hard at work on Chapter 3 and thus I was delayed getting her to respond to you each individually but I’m thrilled I haven’t driven you away yet.
AGO and Dee, I knew this was going to appeal to you as I knew you all hated that SM had her “love” Jacob too. I see Rameau’s point about loving two men but I truly didn’t feel that the writing up to that moment supported the idea that Bella was in love with Jacob. Did she love him? Yes, but only as a friend. I never saw one hint of physical desire to be with him on her part, and that’s why I felt the need to rectify it.
Edward’s reaction to the kiss…you’ll get it in a couple of days after I polish it up a bit, but I think I can safely say that he runs the gamut of emotions over it. He’s hurt, he’s sad, he’s guilty, he’s scared, he’s angry, although not really at Bella. Not that she doesn’t deserve some of his anger, she does. And she will get some of it eventually. But Edward as we know and love him is more quick to blame himself than Bella for anything. His love for her blinds him to her faults just as hers did for him. He considers the situation to be his fault. If he hadn’t left, she and Jacob would never have bonded and she wouldn’t feel any obligation to him.
I don’t think it’ll surprise you to know that he does not dump her in my story! hehe. They have some issues and I have them discussing some of it in chapter 3 and resolving some things, but not everything. I think it’s important that some of the guilt that both of them feel remain unresolved to come boiling out in another place and time. Ups the ante down the road! I think that Edward’s fear of losing Bella trumps his anger over her kissing another man. He has experienced what it was life to live without her and he knows he can’t do it, so terror and pain is the main emotion. I am so spoiling chapter 2 aren’t I?
I am honestly excited to see what you think of Edward’s viewpoint, as he is my favorite character to write for. Chapter 2 fell out of me a lot faster than Chapter 1 did, just because I feel like I understand Edward more. I never really related to Bella, which is why I’m trying to change her a little bit. We’ll see over time if I can get more of a handle on her and hopefully improve her from the books.
I see your point Rameau. And I’m sure many agree with you. It’s hard for me to relate to because I fell in love once and never looked at anyone else since. But, I know the reality is that many people find themselves in that situation of loving two men at the same time. And yes, many people would forgive a kiss. I probably would. And maybe my husband would have. He is extremely loyal, and expects the same in return. But, in my opinion, Bella should have had some consequences for her actions. And I agree with Nole, Bella never showed that she loved Jacob until he kissed her. For me, it seemed to come out of left field. Just before she went to save Edward, Bella had a conversation with herself trying to convince herself that she could learn to love Jacob if not in the same way as Edward. IDK, her reaction just didn’t jive for me.
Nole,I like all your ideas about what Edward would be feeling. I can’t wait to read chapter 2. I’m so glad to hear that they will be discussion their “issues”. It still bothers me that SM never had her Bella realize just how much she hurt Edward.
On a complete side note, I just got back from seeing Harry Potter with my family. The trailer for New Moon was one of the previews. I just about peed my pants. I read Twilight after the movie came out in the theater so this was the first time that I had the pleasure of seeing Mr. Pattinson on the big screen. And oh my…just gah!! Damn I’m so excited for this movie to come out now!
Hee…I saw HP and DID NOT get the New Moon preview. I was enraged. I did get it before Transformers though so at least I got to see it on the big screen. It was hilarious too, the instant I saw Summit I turned to my brother and went, THERE IT IS! and I swear females all over the theater started shrieking. I’ve never heard a reaction like that for a preview in my life. So cool!
So New Moon will be your first time seeing Rob on the big screen? That’s going to be great. Of course he will be missing for an interminable amount of time, causing us much pain, but he’ll look damn good when he’s on. I can’t wait for November.
I plan on having a few conversations wherein Edward and Bella discuss their issues. I’ve done the first one now but I left a lot of room for further talks, for I think they still have some Italy stuff to deal with and her insecurities when it comes to him loving her. I sorta dealt with that but think I could do more. We’ll see! I’ll probably put Chapter 2 up on Tuesday since I’m pretty excited about it. Normally I plan a 3 day window but I’m really looking for feedback on my first Edward chapter. I love him so. hehe!
Thank God! While I could definitely feel for Jacob and why he was so pushy, I never understood the “I love him, too!” twist. I’m not a fan of the wishy-washy one in the middle in soaps, so why would I want it in my literature?
Keep on truckin’, Nole, and I’ll keep on readin’.
Thanks RileyKay! I’m glad you were on the same page with that. It’s funny because when Tripp was reading, a friend of hers told her that Twilight was a triangle and she yelled at me for inflicting her with yet another Days situation and I was beyond floored. I could not comprehend how it could even be called a triangle, even with that brief, moronic “I love Jacob” thing. There was never any chance for Jacob in my eyes and I never considered the possibility of it. That was just too random!
I’ll have a new chapter up on Tuesday, Edward’s view of the same situation, looking forward to your reactions!
I agree that Twilight is not a “love triangle” anymore then “VD” was a love triangle (OH my gosh did I just compare Twilight to “Vampire Diaries”??? FORGIVE ME!, I need to take a break from my reviews…), if Bella had shown the slightest interest in Jacob romantically before this, her reaction to the kiss would have made sense, but it was just crazy. And it wasn’t the first time they kissed, he kissed her before and she clocked him, so what the heck happened here?
Thanks Nole for giving us a more believable situation, and a more likable Bella, while I have read the first 3 Twilight books 4 or 5 times, I can’t do it anymore, I just get angry at Bella. I like that you are potentially bringing the Edward I love without my having to deal with Bella! Can’t wait for chapter two, I’m sitting here in anticipation….
Hey Lady! I’m glad you’re liking it so far. Chapter 2 is up and ready for your perusal. I’m dying to know what people think of my version of Edward. I’m writing the Edward that I saw through the books and particularly Midnight Sun. The self-loathing over emotional mess of a man who has found the one person who completes him and can’t exist without her. The one I fell for!
I’m glad you guys think I’ve improved Bella. I couldn’t have her be as clueless as SM’s version, since my chapters rely a lot more on introspection than anything else. Eventually I’ll ramp up description but for now, atmosphere isn’t important, the emotions are all that matter. So I made her more self-aware and acknowledging of her instrumental role in the situation.
Very good point about her smacking Jacob the only other time he punched her. She was kissed by him or considered kissing him 3 times. The first, in New Moon, she admits that she doesn’t love him but knows he cares about her and figures it might be nice to give in to him. Not love. The second she punches him in the nose and breaks her knuckle. Not love. So yeah, what changed? Nothing that I could see, hence why I am not making my Bella feel that way.
I’m slightly scared in the film version of New Moon that scene at the end where she *almost* kisses Jacob, right before he answers the phone, that they actually WILL kiss…
I figure they might want to make it an actual love triangle, to add drama or whatever.
If that happens, I will hurt someone within the theater. hehe I’ll call everyone I know raging about it. And you won’t want to see the blog I write! No, they best tone it down, but now you’ve given me something else to worry about!
OH! I’m sorry! I don’t want to spread around my paranoia, I have no evidence of this, just my crazy over active imagination. I know, these movies aren’t “TrueBlood” they won’t change it THAT much. Alan Ball isn’t directing it…
Haha no worries. I get paranoid too. I hadn’t thought about it but now that I have it makes sense that they might go there. While I’m quite excited to see New Moon, I am quite nervous about the tone it will take and how it will affect me. I think the studio recognizes the lightning in a bottle they have with Rob/Edward so hopefully they won’t mess with it too much. We’ll see!
You two are way too serious about the movie. I do agree that Rob is pretty and well wroth the ticket but the movie itself? It either works or doesn’t. It’s not like the original story was flawless either *Yes, thanks Stephanie*. Had it been some of us wouldn’t be writing fanfiction about it… True?
Maybe so, but I am rather attached to the non-triangle idea. If they want to ramp up the action, I’m quite alright with that but getting through New Moon is going to be hard enough for me without them adding a kiss anyway. I know they’ve added more Rob/Edward to try to alleviate some of that but the truth is I’m into it for him, not any of the others. And since KStew pains me and I’m still not sold on Taylor Lautner, the least they can do is not inflict a kiss that didn’t happen upon me when I’m trying to get through the Edwardless time.
Did you know, by the way, that I did a search on fanfiction and there were over 91,000 Twilight fics? That’s just insane!
That is insane… I agree Twilight was NOT perfect. Perhaps Edward was closest, but no, not even him. The book was very engrossing non the less so I give SM some credit for that!
I’ll admit, I’m not crazy about Rob… I know, I know, everyone loves him, I don’t know, I wish I did! He doesn’t seem like Edward for me. He COULD have been maybe, but the weird facial expressions he was making in the movie just lost me… And don’t get me started on KStew (the scene at the end when she’s in the hospital and telling him not to leave? Awkward….)
See, the thing I liked about Rob, other than hotness, was that he brought Midnight Sun Edward out to play. Some of the expressions were strange but he was trying to show that tortured side of Edward that Bella rarely picked up on. I appreciated that.
No, Twilight was far from perfect. What it was was captivating, at least for me. Never have I had a series of books affect my dreams for months. I was incapable of reading anything else for quite awhile too. And here I am months later still thinking about it. Meyer got a lot of things wrong but she did create a world that was hard to leave!
You are totally right about the captivating part. I read maybe a book or two a year prior to Twilight ( I have stopped reading regularly about 7 years before), I credit it with showing me there were some mesmerizing books out there. And that there was something that could be as interesting as television (who knew??). It was the first time I was completely enthralled in a book and could not put it down. No book is perfect, and I’ll always remember Twilight so fondly for bringing me back into the world of reading. And for inspiring some interesting fanfic, though I have only read half of one story, I’m excited to read all of yours!
That’s awesome, Lady, I didn’t know you weren’t an avid reader until recently! For me it was almost the opposite. I am an avid reader (clearly) but after reading Twilight it was all I wanted to read. It took me about 3 months to be able to pick up other things. It was truly ridiculous honestly. Nothing has affected me that way. Insanity.