Archive for the ‘General Hospital’ Category

My friend, Tripp, and I were having a discussion yesterday about what would happen if Days fires Higley (which could happen) and GH fires Guza (which is unlikely to happen but SHOULD happen) and Days hired Guza (because God hates me).  She told me I should blog on the possiblities and I thought that was a cool plan, so here I go.

The one good thing that could come of it would be that Jarlena would probably be shuffled off to the veteran’s closet that Guza uses over GH, where he has Bobbie and the Q’s and Lesley and the like.  They occasionally escape and get to speak to one of the characters that is allowed lines on the show, but for the most part, they fail to exist in the mind of the Guze.  Unfortunately, Bope and S&K would probably get the same treatment.

So let’s look at how the characters would shake out.

I think EJ would be Jason, maybe I do this because James Scott is a god, but I can see Guza having a hard on for him and making him the shining star (I would not complain).  I don’t think he’d be a mob minion, he’d definitely be a kingpin, but so is Jason right now so that comparison works well enough.

Philip would sadly have to be Sonny, but since Guza doesn’t think Sonny is an ineffectual ass, he’d probably think this was a compliment.  I think JKJ could rock the brooding thing Sonny does, but I’d hate to see him throwing barware and insulting wimmin’s all day long.

And who would be our heroine, Carly?  It would have to be Sami, who unfortunately is turning into a glittery queen on Days anyway.  She’d be the one that all guys loved and who was soulmates, as Laura Wright puts it on those SoapNet commercials, with Jason.

This would make Lucas Day’s version of Jax, which is really irksome to type, but I use it as he’s in love with Carly who loves him back but also loves Jason and Sonny more.  I don’t see BD doing well in the Jax role, he’s too snarky, but he fits into this slot so we’re stuck with it.

And who gets to be the most craptastic character in daytime, Lulu?  That would be Chelsea, who again, inexplicably has random dudes find her hot and fall in love with her, thinks everything is about her and does a fantastic bitchface when she doesn’t get her way.  Now I’m not saying Chelsea is anywhere near as foul as Lulu at this point in the game, but the Chan romance is bringing her into an intolerable territory.  Guza would shove her all the way in.

Now, what to do with Daniel?  I’m not going to insult Jason Thompson by making Daniel into the Patrick character, because SC does not have the charm to make that work.  There are some similarities that Guze could use, the player type, flirtatious personality, the doctor thing of course.  And the Chan romance is actually on par with Scrubs in that they have the same damn conversation every single day, so they have that in common.  But Patrick is hot and likeable and Daniel just is neither of those things, so I won’t bother giving him a bigtime character, he can be some random doctor that is killed off in a mob hit intended for EJ.  Bye Daniel.

Nick is of course Spinelli, loveable geek who doesn’t get the attention from girls that he should.  At least Nick has gotten the girl, while Spinelli keeps getting shafted aside for hotter guys.

Max is Johnny, broody and moody and a wannabe tough guy.  I like Johnny much better than Max, but personality wise it works.

Stephanie would be Emily I think.  Pretty bland, nice girl, everyone loves her, good shining in her eyes, that kinda thing.  I was gonna use Georgie (another dead girl) but I think Em’s more in line with Steph’s personality.

Maxie would be played by Nicole.  She’s Salem’s truth teller.  Again, I like Maxie a tad better than Nicole but I could see Nicole in the same type of situations as Maxie is, taking money to steal Lulu’s boyfriend?  Right up Nic’s alley.

Jarlena would probably demand to be a Luke/Tracy type of couple, tho they couldn’t begin to hope to pull that off.  It’s probably an insult to Tony Geary and Jane Elliott that I said that, but Tony can content himself with yet another undeserved daytime Emmy (sorry he had a shitty storyline this year).

Bope could be Alan & Monica Q, prekilling, without the philandering and whatnot.

A returned Stefano could be Edward Q, although Victor would fit the bill here as well.

Who have I forgotten? Chloe?  Um…oh she’s Sam.  She’s got that bimbette thing going on that KeMo does so well on GH.  I don’t have a Lucky, although Shawn D would have been him were he still on the show.  He even wanted to be a slightly dim cop. 

I’ve left out Nic, I don’t think Days has anyone that fits the bill there though.  Philip would have been a possibility were he not already my Sonny, so we can either kill off Sonny or leave of Nic. I also couldn’t come up with another older couple for S&K, cause GH doesn’t believe in older couples.  Maybe Alexis for Kayla.  Steve could be…hmmm Jerry minus the killer part?  Who am I kidding, Guze would make him a psycho killer anyway.

Anyway, that’s how I imagine Days if Guza came over and brought in his special brand of suck. I was able to improve things by killing off Daniel in a mob war, but that’s about the only good thing that could happen.  I hope by throwing this into the blogosphere, it will serve to make it a non-possibility.

Back in a day or two with a blog on Max, it’s time I addressed Salem’s resident genius.

Read Full Post »