Vampire Dean is hotness.

So in the first 15 minutes of last night’s Supernatural I figured my blog (if I got to it, yes I am fail) would center on the Twilight thing but thankfully along came Sam to make me not care that much about the cheesiness of the Twi shots.  Sorry, SPN, I expect better than Robert and Kristen and sparkles and straight up dialog rips from you and you didn’t make me laugh but once or twice during the shots at Twi.  It’s all been done a billion times before and I thought you’d bring something fresh to it but you didn’t.  I guess some were amused, judging by Twitter, but I truly was let down.

Didn’t matter, though, because like most “funny” SPN episodes, you went beyond that and showed something important.  Now, everybody knew something was off with Sam but I don’t think anybody expected him to just stand by and actually fucking smile while his brother was being attacked by and then fed vamp blood.  Sam could have stopped it but he chose to sit back and let it happen, ostensibly to let Dean infiltrate the vamp nest and lead them to the alpha vamp.  I’ve pretty much disliked Sam since he called Dean weak about 450 times in season 4 but as of that moment he was officially dead to me.  I don’t care if he’s Satan in disguise, I hate that character and I wanted Dean to shoot him in the face last night after he asked if he had his back and Sam lied right to his face.

What I thought was interesting was that Samuel for once came off as possibly not being on the same page as Sam.  He called him out on the possibility of him letting Dean get vamped so that he could find out more information and Sam denied it but we all knew it was true.  He also denied knowing about the all too convenient never before heard of “cure” that Samuel claims he told him about.  If Samuel was on the same mission that Sam was, I think he would have been all for the vamp Dean plan.  But he seemed to actually maybe care about his grandson unlike his dick of a brother.  So, I’m interested to see where this divergence is and what is behind it.

I’m unsure about the “trip” that Dean went on in the vamp nest and I haven’t rewatched the episode where we last saw Raphael but it occurred to me that maybe he is behind all the “weird” monsters and the sudden “alpha” vamps and dijins and whatnot.  What if Raph is trying to keep the hunters busy while he wages war in heaven, so that Dean (let’s face it, he’s likely the one, again) can’t help Cas take him down?  There was a man in Dean’s trip and I couldn’t tell if it was Raph or not but that would be interesting.

And what if Sam is on said Team Raphael?  Say Satan’s still kicking in there or some other evil being…maybe he’s hopping on board to be the next leader of hell and really just wanted Dean to vamp out so he could find out what was up?  May be a stretch, may not.  I’m not sure.  We know Sam’s not Sam but we don’t know the whys or hows at this point.  I’m hoping next week gives a few answers.  Love that Dean goes to Bobby and Cas about Sam.  Cannot wait.

Also good, in my book, was the possible farewell to Lisa.  I’m not getting my hopes up for good but Dean scared her and she’s not taking his calls and stupid Ben got pushed (too bad it probably didn’t give him any personality back) so maybe she’ll do the right and normal thing and say goodbye.  We’ll see.  I’m hoping she’s gone for awhile.  Dean needs to concentrate on whatever is going on with Sam.

And just let me take a moment to celebrate how fucking hot Dean was as a vampire.  When he shoved Lisa against the wall and nearly kissed her….yum.  When he was in that nest killing vamps right and left….double yum.  When he was sitting there with his foot on the head of ugly vamp that changed…good God.  The only thing that sucked was the ugly teeth but thankfully we only saw those once or so. hehe I prefer no fangs or just the two pretty ones like the True Blood vamps rock.  Thank you.


Jensen took me from those sexy highs to just utter heartbreak at the look on his face when he realized that Sam could have saved him and elected not to.  And then when Sam was a LYING LIAR THAT LIES right to his face.  Gah.  I look forward to punches being thrown next week.  I wish Dean could kill him but that would probably damage him too much.    Bobby should.  Thank you.

So, overall, good episode.  Twi stuff was too cheesy but the rest more than made up for it.  And there are two T’s in Pattinson, Sam.  I’ll take one of him and one of your brother and you can go rot in hell where you belong.  As my title says, Die Sammy, Die.


First & Ten Teaser

By popular demand, here’s a teaser for tomorrow’s update:

“Bella, are you okay?” I asked, kissing the line of her jaw.

“Mmmm,” she responded and I laughed and nipped her chin.  “Edward?”


“I want to marry your fingers.  Or your tongue.  Both of them really.  Would that make me a bigamist?”  I couldn’t stop myself from laughing long and hard at that one.

“Well, they’re all yours, whether you make honest organs out of them or not.”  Digits?  Limbs?  Who cared, she could have them all.

She giggled and shook her head.  “I say the craziest shit to you and you never run away.  Why is that?”

I couldn’t really explain it if I tried.  “I love the things you say.”  I just plain love you, but I don’t think you’re ready to hear it and I know I’m not ready to say it yet.  That would wait.  She may not believe me if I said it now anyway.

Her hands began to move over my chest again and she stroked my abs again.  I had a feeling she rather liked them.  “You know, there’s a certain part of my body that’s a little offended that you don’t want to marry it as well.”  My cock was rock hard and wanted a little attention himself.

She smirked and slid her hands down to my jeans, flicking open the button and undoing the zipper.  “Hmmm, well, I need to check that part out before I decide if I want to make a life-long commitment.”  I realized vaguely that I should be scared as hell that we were joking about Bella marrying parts of my body but I wasn’t.  Of course, that could be because her hands had found and were beginning to stroke my cock.  I kicked off my shoes and lifted my hips so Bella could slide my jeans and boxers down.

Her eyes widened as my cock popped free and she let out some mixture of a gasp and a laugh that had me more than a little offended.  My dick wasn’t little so I had no idea what the hell she was laughing at.  “What’s so funny?  It’s not polite to laugh at a guy’s cock, you know?”  I tried to keep my voice light but I could hear the irritation in my tone and I could tell she did too because she patted my dick like it was some kind of dog she was soothing.

NFL Week 5 Picks

Uh yeah, this is late and I have no idea how I did last week other than bad.  This is going to be short and to the point because I am watching my Noles play Miami.  Next week will be better, I promise.

Jacksonville over Buffalo

Cincy over Tampa

Atlanta over Cleveland

Detroit over St. Louis

Indy over KC

Green Bay over Washington

Chicago over Carolina

Baltimore over Denver

Houston over Giants

New Orleans over Arizona

San Diego over Oakland

Dallas over Tennessee

Philly over San Fran

Jets over Minnesota

That’s all I’ve got for ya, more next week, I promise.

NFL Week 4 Picks

And we are steadily improving!  10-6 last week!  Of course I was an overtime away from being 11-5, but we won’t quibble on crappy kickers for NO.  Who, by the way, is the Tim Tebow Bench Player of the Week!  I don’t even know his name and can’t be bothered to look it up, but I do know that he has indeed been benched in favor of 63 year old John Carney.  Congrats, nameless kicker!

My team is off this week, which means I get to watch 3 games and not have any stress.  I like it!  And Tampa needs the break after their Pitt beatdown.  On to the picks:

Atlanta over San Francisco:  I don’t care how many coaches SF fires, they’re not getting picked by me again.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me three times?  I’m a fucking idiot who will NEVER pick you again.  Enjoy losing.  I no longer like you, Singletary.  Atlanta’s fresh off a big win over NO and I expect them to ride the momentum.

New York Jets over Buffalo:  Um…what can I say about this game?  I still only knew a few Buffalo players, Fitzpatrick at QB and CJ Spiller because he went to Clemson.  Maybe every week I’ll learn a new one?  Anyway, they hung with New England which is a HUGE indictment on NE’s crappy defense.  The Jets do not have a crappy defense.  Blow out city.

Cincy over Cleveland:  Maybe this week the Bengals offense will do something?  Maybe?  Maybe not.  Either way, they’re playing the Browns.  Nuff said.

Green Bay over Detroit:  Man, are there some crappy match ups this weekend or what?  Seriously, I’m not even having to think about these first four.  Now I will probably lose them all, which will be awesome. hehe  Green Bay is going to play well after their flagfest against the Bears.

Tennessee over Denver:  I really have no idea, but I hate Tebow so I decided I will pick against his team whenever I’m unsure.  Maybe Tenn will play consistently two weeks in a row.  We shall see.

Seattle over St. Louis:  Seattle keeps winning, which I find unfathomable but maybe Hasselbeck really isn’t as old as his hairline says he is?  Maybe Carroll is actually a good coach?  No, that is certainly not it.  The Rams are showing signs of life so this is actually a toss up but I’ll go with the vet over the rookie, this time.

New Orleans over Carolina:  Okay, three weeks in a row the champs have not looked like champs.  They move the ball okay but that special something they had last year is gone.  Super Bowl hangover?  Maybe.  Old and injured players?  Probably.  Hungry teams coming after them?  Yeah.  They need to get their stuff together or they’ll be looking up at Atlanta.  Fortunately for them, Carolina truly blows.  Blow out again.

Pittsburgh over Baltimore:  I get this game!  And I could not be more excited about it.  Big time, hard hitting, hate filled game.  LOVE.  Low scoring, defensive battle.  Pitt’s defense has won me over, completely, after just seeing a few minutes of them against Tampa. Flacco’s finding his rhythm with Boldin but I think Pitt will disrupt it.  Gonna ride Pitt to the playoffs so may as well pencil them in as wins even if Joe the janitor is their QB.

Houston over Oakland:  Alright, Houston, you and I need to have a discussion.  EVERY YEAR.  You do the opposite of what I say every single year.  How dare you defy me against Dallas?  Got your asses kicked.  I was not impressed.  However, you have Oakland, so you know, you don’t have to try too hard.  Enjoy and get your crap together.

Indy over Jacksonville:  Manning is having a monster year already and my new boyfriend Austin Collie is making plays all over the field.  I heard he’s injured but likely to play, which pleases me as he is pretty.  Jax is up and down yet again and they’ll probably play Indy tough but you know my motto:  In Manning I Trust (unless it’s Eli, but we’ll get to that).

Philly over Washington:  This pains me because I am 100% Team McNabb over Vick.  Donnie Mack got a hard time in Philly and I’d love for him to light up his former team.  But the Philly receivers are about 3023 times better than the Redskin’s receivers and Wash just looks old and used up, no matter how good Donovan plays.  Vick is looking like the Vick of old, except he can actually throw now.  Philly, but I think it’ll be close.

San Diego over Arizona:  It’s October, so SD can stop losing games they should win now.  Fortunately for them, they’re playing AZ, who would probably be better served having Joe the Janitor that Pittsburgh has as their backup QB  than their actual starter Anderson.  One more week of fail and it’ll be time to let Hall have a chance.  I love hearing from people that they wish QBward was the actual QB of the Cards…as do I, ladies, as do I!  I’d get a sure win most weeks!

Chicago over the NY Giants:  Damn it, I could not hate this game more.  Chicago is overachieving (yes, they are) and the Giants are stinking up the field.  It’s the perfect trap game in which the subpar team rises up.  Yet, I’m going with the undefeated one.  The Bears do have a spark about them that I haven’t seen in a long time.  The Giants will be better, but will they be good enough?  No idea.  They’ll probably make me eat my words.

New England over Miami: Not comfortable with this one either.  Always play each other tough, NE’s defense blows, Miami is coming off a heartbreaking loss to the Jets…I’m banking on NE’s desperation to win this game.  And also hoping some wise NE fan throws Brady to the ground and cuts that hair.  The hair is a problem, people.  Trust.

I tweeted this last week but had much love for it so I’m going to end with this thought on the Pats:  Gisele is to the Patriots what that Black Widow chick was to Robert Redford in The Natural.  BAD.  BAD MOJO. Til next week, friends!

Sam’s Back, Or Is He?

Reunited and it feel so....wrong?

So, Supernatural is back and um….yeah.  Hours later and I still can’t decide exactly what I want to say about it.  This will be one of my shorter Supernatural blogs, hopefully, because I’m hoping to have a lot more to say when we’re not subjected to Daddy Dean the whole time.

Sounds funny to say that, since I’ve wanted Dean to have the family he always dreamed of, but it doesn’t fit him, at all.  That wasn’t MY Dean in this episode and I don’t think he’s happy.  He’s just settled.  It’s not like he was loudly proclaiming his love for Lisa when he was freaking out about her safety and that of her kid.  He was being “responsible” and “taking care of them” just like he did his real family all those years.  And he doesn’t want to leave them because he’s left them open to possible attack, not because he can’t live without them.   It just didn’t speak of the right world for Dean to me at all.

And we saw that when he heard the scream and immediately had to go check it out.  Hunting is who he is.  I often wish it wasn’t, but you can’t just thrust aside 30 years of living and training.   He is a hunter.  His family is not Lisa and Ben.  It’s Sam, Bobby and Cas.  I’ll get into the rest of those yahoos in a minute.  Dean made his family and his choice long ago.

Words cannot express how pissed off I was to find that Sam had been alive for a year and didn’t contact Dean.  I get it, I do.  Doesn’t mean it doesn’t piss me off and Dean shoulda/coulda been more pissed about it.  And BOBBY.  That killed me.  Again, I get it.  They wanted him to have a normal life but he can’t.  They of all people should know that.  Sam tried.  Bobby was married and his wife was killed.  So, their reasoning rang true but false at the same time.  I really don’t think the writing of this episode was up to par with what I’ve come to expect from this show.  Maybe that’s the problem.

Anyway, turns out that Dean was poisoned by a Jin and Sam knew he was going to come after Dean (how?  why?) and came and gave him some shot that Samuel made (again how?  why?) and revealed himself.  Oh, but not before the lights did their magical demon zappy thing while Dean thought he was seeing YED.  I’ll admit, seeing Azazel again had me saying WTF? but being kind of excited at the same time.  He was pretty awesome, as demons go.

Then Sam “proved” he was not a demon or shapeshifter by cutting himself with silver and drinking saltwater.  Well, that’s all fine and good, but that shit didn’t work on Lucifer either did it?  I really don’t think Sammy is Sammy.  And he was acting weird.  Harder, less caring, darker I guess.  Which, maybe Sam can attribute to his time in hell that he didn’t want to talk about, but I’m very, very suspicious.

And then he takes Dean to meet the Campbells, 3 cousins that they never knew about plus a somehow magically risen Samuel.  Look, I was all for seeing Grandpa again.  He was really awesome before Azazel took him over and killed him and stuff.  Now I’m not so thrilled.  Because I trust him even less than I do Sam.  I don’t remember the new characters names and I hope I don’t have to learn them.

Dean’s all WTF just like the entire audience was and he expressed the same disbelief I felt, only he went along with it while I was skeptical the whole time.  I guess cause he had to protect his new “family”.  Blah.  He did this by taking them to Bobby and finding out Bobby knew about Sam all along and again, not enough Dean anger for my liking.  I would have liked to see him throw a punch at one of them.  He’s been neutered.  I do not approve.

They return to the cousins and one of the cousins questions Dean’s expertise, but Dean points out that the Jin are not going to attack when outnumbered and they agree so they leave.  Dean sees the neighbors getting attacked and runs to help and gets Jinned again, falling into a pretty cool hallucination about YED killing Lisa and having Ben drink his blood.  I say it was cool because I really was hoping it happened so they would be gone.  No such luck, sadly.

Sam, meanwhile, battled the Jin using golf clubs and lamps and the like…so maybe he’s not superpowered.  I don’t know.  Grandpa came in and helped and sent Sammy off to give Dean a shot (why wasn’t Dean killed right away like his neighbor was?  Is he just made of stronger stuff?  Or is the writing really that fucking sloppy?).  And here was an eyebrow raiser.  Instead of killing the female Jin, they captured her and threw her in the van and took off without letting Sam and Dean know.  The purpose of this was not revealed, but it’s highly suspicious, just like all of the rest of it.

Sam assumed Dean would come with him now, but Dean decided to stay and be Mr. Mom in suburbia.  Old Sam would have been thrilled by this but New Sam tried to talk him into coming with him.  This was again, disturbing and un-Samlike.

It’s funny because I remember season 5 and having a lot of dislike for it, but rewatching the marathon yesterday, I liked it a bit better than I had originally.  And I bawled my eyes out during the finale again, even knowing how it ended.  So I was really looking forward to the new season and to say I was let down would be an understatement.  Maybe, as time goes and we start to find out what’s going on with Sammy and Samuel, I’ll find it a lot better.  But this was a shitty start to the final season and made me almost wish it’d just ended the way it did at the end of last year.  I’m going to keep an open mind though.

I’m hoping that Cas will be coming into the picture soon and maybe be able to shed light on this situation with Sam and Samuel.  He’s a high powered angel again, even higher than before I believe.  And I’d like to know what the hell happened with Adam/Michael as well.  Maybe the whole demonverse was thrown out of whack with the Lucifer/Michael thing and it will all make sense.  I don’t know.  Right now, not thrilled.  But damn it was good to see Dean again and it was uberhot.

Oh, and Dean?  She didn’t just want you because you were taken.  She wanted you because you were you.  Women did that before you had a stupid, irritating, pointless girlfriend, and they’ll want you after you get rid of her.  Trust.

Who wouldn't want that?

Week 3 NFL Picks

I’m feeling lazy today so I don’t know how good my picks will be.  And I forgot to see how I did last week.  Let me check.  I think I went 9-7.  So yeah, better than .500 by one whole game.  Bet the farm on me!  Or….don’t.  Really, don’t.  I don’t bet on myself, so neither should you.

I’m renaming the Douchetard award, at the request of my beloved Paxton.  Instead of Douchetard, I think we’ll call it The Should Be Riding The Bench Like Tim Tebow Award.  This for the player that sucks so bad he should be benched.  Who wins this inaugural award?  None other than Brett Favre, who had 4 turnovers, 2 or 3 of which were in the end zone.  Congratulations, Brett, you should be sitting next to Teebs.

Onward ho!

NY Giants over Tennessee:  Will the real Tennessee please stand up?  Are they the team that kicked ass in week one or are they the team that got walloped by the Steelers in week 2?  Is the Steeler D just that good.  Should I be thankful that the game is blacked out in Tampa this week?  I guess we’ll find out.  Still, the Giants got a beat down of their own last week and I expect them to rebound here.

Pittsburgh over Tampa Bay:  Well, I would pick this way whether or not I was going for the voodoo.  Pittsburgh is pulling people out of the stands to play QB at this point but it doesn’t matter because their defense decided to kick the shit out of everybody that steps on their field.  Tomlin returns to the place he should be coach (stupid Glazers) and the immortal Charlie Batch , backed up by Pete the ball boy will likely take it.  Freeman’s looked great two weeks in a row but I don’t think he can against Pitt.  Would love for him to surprise me though.

Cincy over Carolina:  Two weeks in and Matt Moore (who?) has already been benched.  Clausen is going to take the field for Carolina and I must say he did move the ball fairly well when he first got in against Tampa.  He can inject life into the team probably.  Cincy?  Still waiting to see that explosive TOCHO show or whatever the hell they’re calling themselves.  If Tampa can score 20 against Carolina, Cincy should score 30.  We’ll see.  Oh, and I still hate Steve Smith.  Put that fucker in anger management again, please.

Baltimore over Cleveland:  Baltimore got jobbed last week against Cincy, I hear, and you know how surly they get when they feel they’ve been slighted.  Plus, Cleveland.  Sorry Browns…I do feel for you.  I think Delhomme is sidelined but I think their 2nd stringer is taking the field instead of McCoy.  I think it’s time to play for next year like Tampa did.  Let the rookie get kicked around a bit.

Houston over Dallas:  Could Dallas really go 0-3?  Yes, they more than could.  Houston has that look, that lucky team thing going.  Kobiak using the ice the kicker thing that Shanahan invented against him last week made me laugh, even though I felt bad for my fellow Nole Graham Gano who made the kick and then missed the second one.  Dallas, meanwhile, has major issues on O line and I heard there’s already rumblings about coach firings.  Gotta love the drama!

San Francisco over KC:  I think is probably the week when the 2-0 teams start to show what they’re really made of.  San Fran coulda/shoulda/didn’ta win vs. the Saints.  At some point they have to get it together if they’re going to be the cream of the NFC West like we’ve been told ad nauseum all preseason.  KC has looked good, I freely admit it.  We’ll see.  I’d like for them to make me wrong.

Minnesota over Detroit:  Because Detroit is snakebit and Minny has to win at some point.  Don’t they?  I truly don’t care.  Hope I have this wrong.

New England over Buffalo:  Call this my lock of the week.  The Pats looked like crap the second half of last week and they’ll be spitting mad about it this week.  I’ll weigh in on Tom Brady’s hair.  It looks awful and Gisele has ruined both his football ability and now his hotness.  I knew she was trouble.  HATE.  Buffalo blows.  New England by 3 TDs.

New Orleans over Atlanta:  The Saints have not looked like the Saints yet this season.  Post Super Bowl high?  Well they’re getting divisional now and they need to stop dicking around.  The Bush injury hurts but they’re still loaded.  Time to see them play like it.  Atlanta wants to take the division, we’ll see.  I say the champs get it done.

Washington over St. Louis:  McNabb’s playing well to be sure.  The defense, maybe not so much.  But they don’t really have to play against the Rams (sorry St. Louis fans, to be fair, I do think you’re starting to right the ship).  Rams will get a win eventually, but not here.

Philly over Jacksonville:  Well who the hell knew that Andy Reid knew how to compromise?  I fully expected him to bench Vick and let Kolb try to take over his team but even he could see what I said last week.  Vick looks damn good, like the player he was always supposed to be.  I do laugh when I hear that nobody can stop him.  Tampa did, for years, in his prime.  You need a fast linebacker that has a feel for the game the way Derrick did.  Instinct.  Philly’s D is leaving me cold these days though…32 to Detroit?  Really?  Won’t take them that far but for now, Vick’s legs are steady.

Oakland over Arizona:  Because the way I hear Arizona described makes me cringe.  I can see Oakland taking one here. Sorry that Kurt made it to the next round of Dancing, guys.  Start voting for…well, whoever else is on that damn show.

San Diego over Seattle: Ahh that was more like what I expected out of Seattle last week!  I’ll chalk it up to an anomaly.  Diego looks like they’ll be one and done in the playoffs again, but they should be fine in the regular season.

Indy over Denver:  Now that was more like the Indy I know and love!  As I recall, Manning owns Denver.  I see no reason why that should change here.  I am not sure what’s going on in Denver but it isn’t good.

Jets over Miami:  Because the Jets need to win to take control of the division.  I guess they can rise up when they want to.

So that’s my prediction for the week.  Let’s see if I can’t improve on that 9-7 record, why don’t we?

Week 2 NFL Picks

How about my perfectly subpar week 1 debut?  8-8 baby! Not good, not terrible, just right down the middle.  Glares at the Bears/Detroit game.  I had you won, dammit.  Stupid, ridiculous NFL rules.  That was a touchdown.

And because of said rule, my first Sage Rosenfel’s Memorial Douchetard Award will go to the refs/NFL rulesmakers that made the rule, as well as Calvin Johnson (which pains me) for slamming the ball down and making it possible to overturn what was a touchdown.   Oh, and Brett Favre wins it too for stinking up the field in his much ballyhooed return to the NFL.  HAHHA Suck it.

Question, dear readers.  As you now know, the Douchetard award is named after Sage Rosenfel’s due to his craptastic play the year I debuted the award.  Should we rename it this year or keep it the same?  I need feedback!

My game was a lot of fun even though I was nearly cooked alive at the Bucs stadium.  They managed to win for me, which was a shocker.  This weekend I shall be watching from my air conditioned living room.  This is better.  I’ll post pics when I figure out how to get them off my phone.

I’m not discussing college.  My Noles were embarrassing and I hate them for making me think they could win.  The Gators are the worst 2-0 team I’ve seen play (enjoy the future losses).  Michigan’s QB reminds me of college Michael Vick, get a team around him and maybe he can win the big one.  Notre Dame lost, HA!   That’s all.

On to the NFL picks:

Tennessee over Pittsburgh:  Now granted, Pitt played a decent team while Tenn played Oakland, but Dixon was a rookie as expected and Vince Young seems to have finally found his footing.  No reason to think Pitt wins this one.

Minnesota over Miami:  Miami struggled with Buffalo.  Shiek pick to win the East?  I don’t think so.  Favre should have some of the rest off this weekend.  We’ll see.

Atlanta over Arizona:  How bout them Cardinals?  Barely beat the Rams.  Atlanta went to OT vs. Pitt, which isn’t great, but isn’t that bad either.  I’m going with the Falcons because if they don’t get going now, when will they?

Baltimore over Cincy:  Wow…just wow.  Where was the Chad/TO show?  More importantly, where the hell was Cincy’s defense?  And special teams?  And QB?  Yeah, for a team that was supposed to be good, they got bitchslapped around big time by the Pats, who are great with getting motivated but still.  That was a beatdown, even if the final score didn’t really reflect it.  Baltimore, meanwhile, kept punching the Jets in the mouth.  They weren’t pretty on O but Boldin showed flashes of brilliance.  Going with the Ravens.

KC over Cleveland:  Suddenly Keyshawn’s pick of KC as the winner of the west doesn’t seem so laughable.  They held on to beat the Chargers (who we can again call overrated it seems) and the rest of their division lost…so why not?  Jake Delhomme is injured for the Browns, which may be a good thing actually.  He was alright in the Bucs game but in true fashion began throwing picks and lost the game.  Not impressive.  McCoy needs to get healthy and get in there and have his baptism by fire.

Dallas over Chicago:  Even with their shitty offensive line, and I’m sorry but it is, Dallas should beat the Bears, who got lucky with a crappy rule in week 1.  Still, am I the only one who thinks there’s going to be some sort of major blow up in Dallas this season?  I don’t know if it’ll be Roy Williams or Dez Bryant or Miles Austin or even Romo himself, but I feel like there’s a powder keg there. I don’t know why, just a gut instinct.

Philly over Detroit:  I don’t care what Andy Reid says, there’s a QB controversy in Philly already and he’s lucky that Kolb is injured so he has an out.  If Vick plays like he did Sunday (and I’ll be honest and tell you I hope he chokes like one of the dogs he so viciously killed) then his Eagle fans are going to demand that he stay at QB.  I feel bad for Detroit’s stolen loss but the stats tell me that Stafford played like shit and that doesn’t bode well.

Green Bay over Buffalo:  All I remember about Buff is that they got CJ Spiller in the draft.  That’s it.  Green Bay looked pretty good against Philly, til they couldn’t tackle Vick.  Still, Buffalo has nobody like Vick.  So there you go.

Carolina over Tampa Bay:  I don’t actually believe this pick will go this way but since I picked against Tampa and they won, I’m trying it again.  These teams are fairly evenly matched and the Tampa D actually impressed me several times at the game.  My beloved Geno Hayes (Seminole) was all over the place.  Ronde, however, is old as hell.  A couple years ago he never would have gotten run down on that interception.  Sad.  Matt Moore will still play despite his concussion for Carolina.  This could be good for Tampa too.  Still, I pick Carolina and work my voodoo.

Denver over Seattle:  Both of these teams surprised the shit out of me in week one and here I am, going against what I learned and sticking with my initial thoughts about them.  First, can I say…HAHAHAHAHA to Tebow’s 2 carries for 2 yards.  HA!!!  Talk about the most overhyped fucking rookie in the world.  Hope you enjoyed the bench, Timmy, you should get familiar with it.  Second, what the hell happened in Seattle?  Apparently Mike Williams needed Pete Carroll’s magic touch *giggles at Paxton* to learn how to be a player again.  Hasselbeck looked rejuvenated.  Can they do it two weeks in a row?  I say no.  Prove it.

Oakland over St. Louis:  Honestly, this is a toss up and I don’t give a damn about either team.  They both blow.  Period.

Houston over Washington:  Houston, are we going to do this again?  Are we?  Last year, every single week, you did the opposite of what I said.  So let’s try not to go that route and you just win, eh?  I nearly picked you last week and if I’d gone with my gut I would have stayed with you.  Schaub didn’t even have that great a game.  Well, I expect you to pick it up against the Skins, who were mediocre in their win over Dallas.  McNabb still looks weird in those Skins jerseys.  Oh..and lose the fucking yellow pants, Washington.  Ridiculous.

New England over New York Jets:  You know what I learned last week?  The Pats still have huge chips on their shoulders and that doesn’t bode well for the team that’s badmouthed them the most and is the darling of the pundits.  Revis called out Moss, so you know Brady and Moss will be out to school him.  Welker is amazing, still.  The defense, thought to be the biggest issue, looked pretty good against Cincy, giving up most of the points in garbage time, likely playing prevent.  The Jets?  Sanchez is not ready, sorry.  You can throw millions at the D but your QB has to score now and then.  I think the Pats win this, maybe even by more than 2 TD’s.

San Diego over Jacksonville:  Diego has to win sometime, don’t they?  Gerrard was pretty good against Denver though, so this could be a game.  I heard this was the first blackout they’ll have there in years.  Sad.  Just like in Tampa, but at least we have the excuse of sucking.  Wouldn’t they sell out if people believed in them?  I don’t, but I do think they’ll win this one.

Indy over NY Giants:  THE MANNING BOWL.  OMG WHAT DO I DO?  In Manning I trust doesn’t work when they’re both Mannings!  Eli vs. Peyton.  Little brother vs. big.  Dammit.  Here’s what I think.  Eli has the better team around him.  Peyton’s the better QB.  Eli’s team is younger.  Peyton’s team is more experienced.  GAH.  HARD DAMMIT.  Okay, going with age and experience, this time.  Indy needs this win, can’t start 0-2.  So that’s what I’m going with, but with no confidence.

New Orleans over San Francisco:  Um…yeah, how bout them 9ers?  WTF?  The only bright side to them crashing and burning is that maybe this means pretty David Carr will get promoted to starting QB soon.  NO wasn’t overly impressive vs. Minny, moved the ball well but failed to score as much as expected.  I expect them to rectify this.

There you have it 😉  Here’s hoping I crack .500 this week!  See you next week!