Matt's not the only one crying.

Yes, I know my TV blogs became few and far between as I got caught up in my fic writing but that doesn’t mean I stopped watching my beloved shows.  And now that they’ve all faded to black for the summer, the only new thing going right now is Friday Night Lights.

I was thrilled to get it back but I’ve had a bit of disconnect this year.  This is not surprising since it was gone for an entire year, plus the majority of the young cast that I know and love was either gone or limited.  Sure, Matt was there but he was only a shell of a man most of the time (I’ll get back to him in a moment as he’s what this post is about) and Riggins is back to being a wastrel.  I hated JD from the get go and I’m certainly not going to like him now.  Coach Taylor has had to be a complete hardass to get his new football program going and Mrs. Taylor’s all caught up in politics and football.  I was watching and still interested but not nearly as much as I was previously.  That’s all changed due to the last two episodes, but I’ll be back with that shortly as well.

First, I want to discuss the new guys.  Specifically Vince and Luke.  I love the similarities and dichotomies between these two.  Both are poor, although Vince’s circumstances are far worse than Luke’s.  Luke works on his family’s farm and has to deal with getting up at the crack of dawn, doing chores, school, football, more chores…etc.  Now, he was at Dillon West, starring on the team there but it was found that he didn’t live in the new boundary line and they lied to try to keep him but he was forced to go to Dillon East and he wasn’t happy about it.  But he wants to play so he’s out there and working.  JD and his fellow assmunches are still trying to drag Luke into being a prick and attacking his teammates but Luke told them to go to hell recently which I enjoyed greatly.

Vince is in a single parent family and his mother is a drug addict who doesn’t pay the bills.  He’s got similar friend pressures like Luke but his are pressuring him into a life of crime.  He’s already got a record and if he gets caught again he’s in juvie.  He and Luke have butted heads several times but seem to have reached a detente now that Luke isn’t hanging around with JD and Coach laid down the law.  Vince’s situation tears are the heartstrings.  He found his mother passed out on a couch outside and carried her into their powerless apartment.  I find myself rooting for him to stay the hell out of trouble.

What’s interesting is just how real this situation is but it doesn’t hit you until you see it raw and personal like FNL portrayed it.  My school has been well known for taking on kids from “bad” backgrounds.  Some of them stayed out of trouble, others didn’t, and of course the ones that didn’t get all the pub.  I myself have muttered about “thug” players a time or two but never really stopped to think about the circumstances that might have created them.  Vince’s situation opens my eyes in a way that they rarely have been before.  I find myself rooting hard for him to stay on the path that Coach has put before him but fearing the worst.  I really like the kid, though not as much as I love my Matty and Smash and co.

My heart breaks for Matt.

Matt…good God he’s broken my heart two weeks in a row.  Like, I’ve been a sobbing mess several times over.  FNL is one of the only shows that does to me consistently and Matt and Smash have probably been my two biggest culprits.  Oh, before I launch into Matt, let me say that I was nearly screamed with joy when Coach was watching a game on TV and the announcer talked about Brian “Smash” Williams whipping off a 22 yard run and being something spectacular to see and saying he might be a starter soon.  I love that Smash is doing well.  And yes, I am aware that he’s fictional.  He doesn’t feel that way though.  None of the kids on this show do.  That’s why I adore it.

This season was sorely lacking in Seracen, at least in my humble opinion.  Understandable since he’s out of college and just working as a pizza deliveryman and dating Julie, but still, I missed the hell out of him.  And I hated seeing him look so defeated and stuck.  I never wanted that for him even though I did want him to stick around for my own selfish purposes.  I adore Matt Seracen, plain and simple.  He put aside his art school aspirations to take care of his grandmother and be there for Julie and he’s just been treading water ever since.

It wasn’t until his father was killed over in Iraq that things came to a real head for Matt.  His “artistic apprenticeship” with some weirdo really did nothing for me except show how much Matt didn’t really belong there anymore.  And it broke my heart because I truly want nothing but happiness for that poor character.  The ironic thing about his father’s death waking him up is that his father did the selfish thing by leaving his family behind.  Now, I’m not saying that going and serving in the military is selfish.  It most certainly is not and my father spent 26 years in the Air Force so that would be beyond ignorant to say.  But his dad knew that his family needed him, he was out and he couldn’t deal with family life so he went back in.  He died the way he wanted to and that was fine for him but it was terribly hurtful for his son, who was selfless for his family and truly just wanted his father to be someone he could love, someone like Coach Taylor.

And it killed me when he went to dinner at Julie’s after finally getting to see his father’s body.  He had to confirm with his own eyes that his father was dead and seeing it destroyed him.  He tried to hold it together but he just lost it, telling them that he had to give a eulogy for someone he hated and he just wanted to tell him that he hated him but how could he talk to someone who didn’t have a face?   He freaked out and left.  Watching him walk away and watching Coach Taylor go after him and give him that shoulder to lean on, act like the father he always wanted…well it’s making me cry again and I can’t begin to capture it in words.  It just killed me.

A happy moment before the tears, sorry so small, NBC did not have it any bigger, damn them.

This week, Matt was Mr. Solid.  He was fine; joking, throwing the football, wondering why anyone would be worried about him.  Julie convinced him to go to a concert in Austin with her, without her parents approval.  All was well until Landry called him and told him that Mrs. Taylor had not given Julie permission to go and that triggered an argument with Julie wherein he revealed that he didn’t want her parents to hate him, particularly Coach.  Again, the father he wishes he had.  Their argument led to Julie saying that he should go, she could feel how much he wanted out.  She cried and they made up and went to their concert and he asked her if she really did want him to leave.  She told him no, she loved him and he kissed her and that was that.

Tami Taylor is a fabulous mother, putting aside her anger to comfort her daughter.

But it wasn’t that, because the idea was there, in his head.  He went to drop her off and they had a sweet kiss and whispered I love you’s and a heartbreaking smile and “I’ll see you later,” from Matt.  Julie went into the house and just broke down, because she knew.  And I knew.  And Mrs. Taylor even knew, because though she’d been waiting to lay into Julie, she ended up holding her while she cried and told her mother that she knew she was losing him, that he was going to leave.

We cut to Matt’s house, where he sat in the car and listened to his mother and grandmother though the window talking about the $100,000 in death benefits she was getting from the military and what they could do with it.  And just like that, he was free.  His mother was there with grandma and they had enough money to get by and he could go.  So he did.

The next shot, the final shot, was of him driving past a field, the sun shining and finally, blessedly, a small and real smile on his face for the first time in ages.  He was free and he was going somewhere to do something.  Maybe to Chicago to go to his art school, maybe anywhere.  And I cried then and I’m crying thinking about it.  I’m so happy for him, striking out to find his happiness, but so sad for Julie and for myself for not getting to see him until maybe a cameo in the 5th season.

Zach Guilford is a completely talented actor and I hope he tunes up in something soon.  I connected with his character more than any other on this show and the thought of not seeing him weekly makes me completely sad but at least Matt got to go out on his terms to find his dream.  I don’t ever want to see him beaten down again.

I need a hug from Coach Taylor, stat.

Bravo, FNL.  Just when I was thinking you’d lost your magic, you brought it back in a major way.  I will miss Matt more than I can say but I will enjoy the new characters you have given me.  The title of this episode was aptly named “Stay” and that’s what I’ll be doing, when it comes to this show.  Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.  My eyes aren’t clear since I’ve been crying, but this show always fills my heart.  I’m glad it’s back.

Up here, up at FF.net, up at TWCS and soon to be up at Twilighted.

Here’s the FF link:  First & Ten Chapter 3

Stealing Home

I wrote a new one-shot baseball fic that will be a two-shot because I’m wordy (hush rameau).  I’m not planning on posting it here unless I get requests to do so but here’s a link to the first chapter.


I went ahead and posted my interview with Smugward up on FF since people couldn’t find it on Twilighted.

Here’s a link, should you want to get to know our boy better!

Interview With The Vampire

Now up at FF.net.  Taste of Innocence Chapter 11

Lost: The End

I tried to think of a clever title for the finale episode but I just don’t have anything creative in me.  I was beyond words when the episode ended.  Well, that’s not true.  I had plenty of them.  I misread the situation and then I freaked out for a bit thinking the island hadn’t been real the whole time.  About 15 minutes later I processed what Hurley and Ben’s conversation had confirmed as well as Jack and Christian.  So I felt better then.

Prior to that final 5 minutes?  I thought it was the best episode of television I’d ever seen.  I tweeted the word epic several times actually.  I cried 5 or 6 times, mainly at each coupling reunion in the alternaverse.  Hell I cried at couples I’d managed to forget about, like Sayid and Shannon.  How hot was that makeout session in the alley?  You go Sayid!

I saved the episode and need to rewatch but I thought it was brilliant from start to almost finish.  I have to see how I feel about it now that I won’t have that initial slap in the face shock that I did when Jack started talking to Christian.

I’d like to go back to the episode prior, since I was so lax in my Lost posts, and comment on the return of my Ben.  When he shot Charles Widmore, I stood up and applauded.  That Ben…dear God, he took my breath away.  I know, I probably should root for him to be good but I love the Ben that is out for #1.  And he did turn on NotLocke when he realized his intention to destroy the island.  Ben valued that island above anything, including himself and unfortunately his daughter.  In the end, he got it as well.  I was happy to see my Ben shine again though…there were far too many instances this season where he was a shadow of himself.  Real Ben makes me happy, whether he’s getting his ass beaten or killing someone.  I’m aware that I have issues.

Okay, back to the finale.  The moments that got to me the most were the reunions, as I said.  I was a friggin mess when Sun & Jin remembered their time on the island over that baby monitor and knew about their child.  Their joy in that and in one another was truly beautiful.

Charlie/Claire set me off in a major way.  Him, up on that stage, catching sight of her in the crowd and following her as she went to give birth.  I loved the inclusion of Kate in the birth again and having that be her and Claire’s epiphany.  And then Claire and Charlie cuddled together holding Aaron.  Gah…I’m tearing up just thinking about it and I wasn’t even a huge Charlie/Claire shipper.

I screamed with joy when Sawyer and Juliet met by that vending machine and touched and knew one another.  And then they just held each other until she told him to kiss her.  I know many Skate fans were pissed off but to me Suliet just worked together.  They had a beautiful, settled love that felt real.  Skate had hot sexing, no doubt, but they never formed a true foundation based on love and respect.

I never really cared about who Kate ended up with but when it turned out to be Jate, well I was actually happy.  I forgot, until I rewatched the pilot, which I will talk about in a bit, that I actually liked their chemistry in the early going.  They were cute and hot on the beach when she was stitching him up.

I liked how the constants were not all couples.  Aaron being the trigger for both Kate & Claire, Christian for Jack, Jack for Locke…it was a good mix of romance and family ties and fundamental differences.

Okay, island stuff.  The Jack/Locke stuff was interesting.  I thought it was anticlimactic, the final battle, but enjoyed them working together to lower Desmond into the cave of light.  I don’t understand why Des uncorked it and nearly destroyed everything but I guess that’s what Locke wanted.  Though I didn’t think much of the final battle scene, I did like that Kate was the one to shoot Locke.  It was nice to see a woman saving her man.  And their goodbye on the rock was lovely.

Jack/Hurley & Ben, the island’s oddest grouping perhaps, made me smile.  I thought Jack’s sacrifice was poignant as hell and I loved that Vincent found him and laid next to him as he died with a smile on his face from seeing that his friends had gotten out safe.

Now, am I alone in wanting to see the adventures of Ben & Hurley on the island?  They had to have some interesting conversations and arguments along the way didn’t they?  I’d love to know how long they were there together…before a new Jacob came along.  Or did one?  My father’s theory of why Ben didn’t go into the church was that he may still be the island guardian.  He was there to see them off but he’d return to the island  after they left.  That, or he was not yet forgiven.  Or, my other thought was that he still felt like an outsider amongst the group.  He never really fit in.  Loved his moment with Locke before he went in, as well.

I watched the pilot the night before and it was incredible to see how far they’d come.  I forgot how much I used to hate Jin in the early days, what an utter ass he was.  And though I always found Sawyer hot, he was kind of a racist asshole in the beginning.  Shannon was a useless bitch that I hated up until she got with Sayid.  Boone was adorable.  It was really cool to see them then and then see them again in their afterlife.

I am extremely happy that the island was real.  Though I mostly enjoyed their lives in the alternaverse, it would have been a huge cheat to negate all they went through.  And I’m really kinda glad that they all waited for one another before moving on.  I…love it.  Honestly, I love that they all had to wait for one another.  That’s as it should have been.

I don’t know if there’ll ever be another show that I obsess over to this degree, that challenges my mind and blows it consistently.  I hope there is.  But this one will always be special.  Namaste Lost, you will be missed.

I updated First & Ten on FF.net.  I’ll be posting here as soon as I get it set up.  This is my first AH story, Quarterback Edward & Journalist Bella.


Super Disappointed

What’s that you say?  A blog?  By Nole?  Surely you jest!  Yeah, I know.  I finally got off my ass (or more accurately, sat on my ass) and am posting a mega-SPN blog.  I’ve missed blogging about 4 or 5 shows at this point and I’m not going to go back through and watch because most of them are not worth a second viewing.  Sad but true.  When do I ever say that about this show?  I don’t know if the finale or Jensen’s marriage left me more disappointed.  Let’s call it a tie, shall we?

I’ll start with the good.  The Real Dean returned.  I truly did love that episode, where Dean was going to give up and Cas called him out.  Those two were like lovers battling back and forth and ultimately having Cas beat the shit out of Dean.  Best pairing, ever.  I’m no slash fan but Dean and Cas have chem.  I cannot deny this.

I adored when Dean told Sam that he didn’t believe in him either.  It was the first time in a long time that I gasped out loud and felt like I took a punch in the gut at Sam’s expression.  Nothing could have wounded and cut him more.  And in the past, Sam would have screamed at Dean and run off.  This time?  Sam stood by Dean and told him he had faith in him and that’s what gave Dean the strength to dick over Zachariah and kill him (that rocked).

The boys visit to heaven was also fairly decent.  Loved seeing Ashe again and was sad that he didn’t know about Ellen and Jo.  Hopefully they found one another.  I found it interesting that Mary was there but John was not.  Sam’s heaven, though, was so sad, well for Dean anyway.  I think it was seeing that that helped strengthen his disbelief in his brother.

What else?  It was good to see Gabriel AKA the Trickster again and I loved him delivering his message via porno.  Really, the guy was awesome and I think they should find a way to bring him back.

Now, the finale…what the fuck do I say about it?  It was a hot mess from the get go.  It was clear the rings wouldn’t work when they did it in the first 10 minutes of the show.  So there was no suspense there when Devil Sammy told Dean it didn’t work.  Nor was there any surprise when Dean showed up at the cemetery, followed by Cas and Bobby.  I was happy for the Def Leppard soundtrack, because they were my fave band growing up.  Dean and I were made for one another….oops, sidetracked.

I did have a genuine OH NO moment when Cas exploded at the devil’s hand and then Bobby’s neck was broken.  I had always expected one of them to go but not both.  Of course, they didn’t really give us time to mourn them before they were back.

Was I happy that Sam got some redemption and was able to take down the devil?  Yes, for a moment or two.  I didn’t like that it was seeing the little army man that did it, really.  I wished Dean had been enough to get through to him although all his memories were of him and Dean…so I guess that’s okay.  It just…felt flat.  Sam hops in the hole with Michael/Adam and Cas is back and Dean is healed and Bobby’s alive.  What did we learn there?  What resounded?  Sam’s death?  Uh, no, the final scene fucked that up as well.

AND let me take a minute to talk about Chuck.  I was thrilled he was back, you may have figured out that I’m quite fond of the boy but WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK?  Chuck is GOD?  Really?  Has he always been God or did God just pop in after Sam and Dean and Cas took off?  Because if he was God the whole time, why didn’t the shark’s tooth necklace alert them?  Why didn’t Cas know?  And why did the archangel come to protect the prophet?  Does he do that for God too?  It sure as hell felt like they stuck that in without thinking about it and it pissed me right the hell off if I”m being honest.  Do I like the idea that God was really there the whole time, not only watching over them but writing out their story?  Sure, but it was sloppy fucking storytelling and I expect a lot more than that with this show.

And then, of course, we cut to Dean settling into family life with Lisa and her kid, which felt like a complete slap in the face.  That woman is NOT important to us, SPN.  She just isn’t.  If you want me to believe Dean is carrying a torch for an ex, bring back the girl from the stupid truck episode, who we know he not only dated for awhile but actually told his secrets to.  Lisa was a weekend fuck!  I’m sorry, but I don’t buy it, at all.  Is it wrong that I’m hoping demon/devil Sammy kills her promptly to start season 6?  Because I am.

And yes, there we have the big ending…Sam’s back.  Or demon version is.  Or he’s still the devil.  He’s evil, because the light went out in his presence and he’s watching his brother stare into his beer while Lisa putters around like the good little woman she is.  WTF?  Can the dev just waltz back out of hell that easily?  No seals required?  Where’s Michael then?   Is Cas going to come back to help Dean?  Will Dean ultimately have to kill Sam then?  I can deal with that, but this…I don’t know.  I didn’t like any of it.

Dean’s back to being defeated and going through the motions, Cas if off angeling and Bobby’s fighting the fight I assume.  Dean’s playing house with the wrong person and Sam’s hopefully going to rectify that (seriously, I will love him if he guts Lisa in the season premiere, all past transgressions forgiven).   There were some very good episodes in the 5th season but it was a huge letdown ultimately.  I wanted a 6th season, before, to get more Dean.  Now I want it to wipe out the shit that they spewed in the finale, not that I have faith on them improving anything anymore.  I hope they prove me wrong.  Bitterly disappointed.

It’s up and it’s over.  Well, not officially.  Still have a lot of outtakes to write but the main story is done.  Thanks for reading!  Here’s the link at ff.net and it’s already up here as well.

Sacrificial Lamb Epilogue

Posted at ff.net, will be posted here momentarily 🙂