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Archive for October 1st, 2010

NFL Week 4 Picks

And we are steadily improving!  10-6 last week!  Of course I was an overtime away from being 11-5, but we won’t quibble on crappy kickers for NO.  Who, by the way, is the Tim Tebow Bench Player of the Week!  I don’t even know his name and can’t be bothered to look it up, but I do know that he has indeed been benched in favor of 63 year old John Carney.  Congrats, nameless kicker!

My team is off this week, which means I get to watch 3 games and not have any stress.  I like it!  And Tampa needs the break after their Pitt beatdown.  On to the picks:

Atlanta over San Francisco:  I don’t care how many coaches SF fires, they’re not getting picked by me again.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me three times?  I’m a fucking idiot who will NEVER pick you again.  Enjoy losing.  I no longer like you, Singletary.  Atlanta’s fresh off a big win over NO and I expect them to ride the momentum.

New York Jets over Buffalo:  Um…what can I say about this game?  I still only knew a few Buffalo players, Fitzpatrick at QB and CJ Spiller because he went to Clemson.  Maybe every week I’ll learn a new one?  Anyway, they hung with New England which is a HUGE indictment on NE’s crappy defense.  The Jets do not have a crappy defense.  Blow out city.

Cincy over Cleveland:  Maybe this week the Bengals offense will do something?  Maybe?  Maybe not.  Either way, they’re playing the Browns.  Nuff said.

Green Bay over Detroit:  Man, are there some crappy match ups this weekend or what?  Seriously, I’m not even having to think about these first four.  Now I will probably lose them all, which will be awesome. hehe  Green Bay is going to play well after their flagfest against the Bears.

Tennessee over Denver:  I really have no idea, but I hate Tebow so I decided I will pick against his team whenever I’m unsure.  Maybe Tenn will play consistently two weeks in a row.  We shall see.

Seattle over St. Louis:  Seattle keeps winning, which I find unfathomable but maybe Hasselbeck really isn’t as old as his hairline says he is?  Maybe Carroll is actually a good coach?  No, that is certainly not it.  The Rams are showing signs of life so this is actually a toss up but I’ll go with the vet over the rookie, this time.

New Orleans over Carolina:  Okay, three weeks in a row the champs have not looked like champs.  They move the ball okay but that special something they had last year is gone.  Super Bowl hangover?  Maybe.  Old and injured players?  Probably.  Hungry teams coming after them?  Yeah.  They need to get their stuff together or they’ll be looking up at Atlanta.  Fortunately for them, Carolina truly blows.  Blow out again.

Pittsburgh over Baltimore:  I get this game!  And I could not be more excited about it.  Big time, hard hitting, hate filled game.  LOVE.  Low scoring, defensive battle.  Pitt’s defense has won me over, completely, after just seeing a few minutes of them against Tampa. Flacco’s finding his rhythm with Boldin but I think Pitt will disrupt it.  Gonna ride Pitt to the playoffs so may as well pencil them in as wins even if Joe the janitor is their QB.

Houston over Oakland:  Alright, Houston, you and I need to have a discussion.  EVERY YEAR.  You do the opposite of what I say every single year.  How dare you defy me against Dallas?  Got your asses kicked.  I was not impressed.  However, you have Oakland, so you know, you don’t have to try too hard.  Enjoy and get your crap together.

Indy over Jacksonville:  Manning is having a monster year already and my new boyfriend Austin Collie is making plays all over the field.  I heard he’s injured but likely to play, which pleases me as he is pretty.  Jax is up and down yet again and they’ll probably play Indy tough but you know my motto:  In Manning I Trust (unless it’s Eli, but we’ll get to that).

Philly over Washington:  This pains me because I am 100% Team McNabb over Vick.  Donnie Mack got a hard time in Philly and I’d love for him to light up his former team.  But the Philly receivers are about 3023 times better than the Redskin’s receivers and Wash just looks old and used up, no matter how good Donovan plays.  Vick is looking like the Vick of old, except he can actually throw now.  Philly, but I think it’ll be close.

San Diego over Arizona:  It’s October, so SD can stop losing games they should win now.  Fortunately for them, they’re playing AZ, who would probably be better served having Joe the Janitor that Pittsburgh has as their backup QB  than their actual starter Anderson.  One more week of fail and it’ll be time to let Hall have a chance.  I love hearing from people that they wish QBward was the actual QB of the Cards…as do I, ladies, as do I!  I’d get a sure win most weeks!

Chicago over the NY Giants:  Damn it, I could not hate this game more.  Chicago is overachieving (yes, they are) and the Giants are stinking up the field.  It’s the perfect trap game in which the subpar team rises up.  Yet, I’m going with the undefeated one.  The Bears do have a spark about them that I haven’t seen in a long time.  The Giants will be better, but will they be good enough?  No idea.  They’ll probably make me eat my words.

New England over Miami: Not comfortable with this one either.  Always play each other tough, NE’s defense blows, Miami is coming off a heartbreaking loss to the Jets…I’m banking on NE’s desperation to win this game.  And also hoping some wise NE fan throws Brady to the ground and cuts that hair.  The hair is a problem, people.  Trust.

I tweeted this last week but had much love for it so I’m going to end with this thought on the Pats:  Gisele is to the Patriots what that Black Widow chick was to Robert Redford in The Natural.  BAD.  BAD MOJO. Til next week, friends!

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