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Archive for June 16th, 2008

I’d like to preface this by saying that I do not expect reality from soap operas.  Hell, I’m a Days of Our Lives fan, characters routinely come back from the dead, are possessed by Satan, visit death row and have Lexie for a doctor, so my soap might be the most unrealistic of them all.  I accept that, I snark on it, and a lot of times I even enjoy it.  So keep that in mind when I comment on the most unrealistic “dating” I think I’ve ever seen on the show.

Let’s define what a date is, shall we?  To me, a date is boy meets girl, boy & girl talk and flirt a little, boy or girl ask the other out (we’re equal opportunity here, don’t ya know?)  Some 18 years later, I remember my first date to this day.  We’ll take a tangent and describe that so we can compare with the relationship that is Chan first.  I was 15 and my best friend, Anne, had begun dating Charley.  We met Charley and Eddie and John at the mall during one of what was probably several thousand times we went to the mall to hang.  Anne hooked up with Charley, me with Eddie and John with our friend MK.  John and MK went nowhere, me and Eddie went to a couple kisses and one back seat makeout session (not that day by the way) and Anne & Charley became boyfriend and girlfriend.  One day Charley brought Chad to the mall with him (yes, it was the mall) and we met up there and went to Burger King.  Chad & I busted on one another, flirted some and he put one of those BK crowns on my head.  A week or so later MK had a party and Chad & Charley came.  Chad & I had begun talking on the phone and we took a walk together, held hands and kissed for the first time.  He then asked me if we could go out the following week.  I said yes, but of course had to get parental approval first, which I got.

So the big day comes and Chad could not yet drive (was 16 but late taking his driver’s license test) so his friend whose name escapes me drove out with him to get me.  We went with a big group of people to TGI Friday’s, where being as girly as I possibly could I didn’t want to eat much so I ordered a side order of fries.  Then we went to some go kart track and I did that once but spent the rest of the time watching Chad and wearing his satin wrestling jacket (awww).  On the ride home we pretty much made out the whole way and even found our song, “Without You” by Motley Crue.  He walked me to the door, more kisses and the night was over. 

From there he declared me his girlfriend, which I wasn’t arguing with, and we dated for a year.  He was all my major firsts, which are probably a story for another time.  I was just using this dating example to establish what my view of a first date is, how it transpires.  Because hold on to your hats, boys and girls, we’re coming up on an honest to goodness real Chan date!!!  I’m sooooo excited!  If you’ve read me before, you know that’s sarcasm.  If you haven’t, welcome to the real snark.

Let’s discuss how Chan’s first date has come about.  Dr. Douchiel came riding into town on his winged surfboard and saved the life of Bo, Chelsea’s dad, by using a piece of her pancreas in a rare transplant.  Chelsea pretty much immediately started fantasizing about having Daniel’s tongue shoved down her throat, while he was busy flirting with every woman in Salem and calling them all “hot”.  Swept away by the romance aren’t ya?  Chelsea, meanwhile, was not feeling very good but kept hiding it for some asinine reason, because I mean, if you feel sick shortly after having an operation, you totally SHOULD NOT talk to the doc about it or tell anybody.  So she faints, but fortunately Dr. Tanningbed was on hand to catch her and carry her to the hospital.  She had an infection from his surgery and she now can’t have kids.  How sad.  (You know she’ll have 5 or so by the time her child bearing years are over).  Chelsea kept making comments about liking Daniel and he remained either oblivious or disinterested depending on your viewpoint.

Then one day, he tells Lexie that he can no longer be Chelsea’s doctor because he has personal feelings for her.  Who to the what now?  The guy had shown NOTHING for her up to that point, but all of a sudden he was too overcome with emotion for her to be able to effectively doctor her.  Chels got all upset that he didn’t want to be her doc anymore but at the hint that Daniel might want her, she let that go and started going after him full barrel.  She has told many people in town that she’s in love with the guy, which, you know, is totally how you should feel about some guy that you barely know and have only spent a few hours or so with.  Many horrific kissing incidents and chantasies later and we arrive at today, when Daniel OH SO ROMANTICALLY asked Chelsea out. 

It was such an anticlimactic scene after Daniel’s scene with Kate, which was a total WTF for the viewers.  He’s alone with Kate after she announces that she doesn’t want him to be her doctor.  He gets all up in her face and asks why and she tells him he knows why and he says she’ll have to be the one to tell Chelsea.  The optimist in me wants to believe that Kate is the woman he’s been hooking up with and he made up the married part, but the pessimist in me knows it’s nothing and will probably be dropped and never brought up again.  What up Higley?  Great writing!  Anyhow, as I was pondering if they would really go there with Date (much better portmonteau than Chan or Dansea, which is just really stupid), Daniel marches up to Chelsea and asks if she can do him a favor.  She’s wondering what favor and he asks if she’ll have dinner with him tomorrow night.  The end.  Wow, that was exciting, I mean, that was a heartfelt episode in the twu wuv that was Chan if ever there was one.

I’m really, really hoping that Kate has been after her granddaughter’s “love” all this time.  I will eternally love Kate if that’s what she’s doing, and let me tell you, had I started this blog a year or two ago, I would probably have written epic poems of hatred for Kate.  I am still not a fan, though I hate her less than I used to.  But I have hope.  It’s stupid and pointless of me to do so, but there it is.

Anyway, I got sidetracked by the Kate situation, but in summation:

Every day dating: boy & girl meet, flirt & talk, one asks the other out, relationship progresses or doesn’t.

Chan dating: man & girl meet, girl immediately falls into lust with man, girl immediately turns lust into love, man seems immune to girl, man suddenly has feelings for girl, girl tells man that she loves him, man does double take, man has weird conversation with girl’s grandmother, asks girl out.  I’m surprised they don’t have a couple kids before their first date, but I guess the writers wanted to give that a little time. 

You just gotta love Salem, where even dating can’t mirror reality.

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