I’m coming off an improved week, mainly because instead of going for upsets right and left I went with the hot teams and went against the cold ones. Yay me. 9-5 is much better. Now to this week’s Douchetard. I’ve given it some thought and I think it’s about time that Jake Delhomme got the illustrious honor, don’t you? No touchdowns, 3 interceptions. Actually, he might get Douchetard of the year now that I look at his stats. 4 touchdowns (through 6 games), 13 interceptions. Holy crap. And Carolina keeps starting him? So yeah, Jake Delhomme is this week’s Douchetard. He may very well win the title again this year. P.U!
Texans over Bills: Victory is mine! Houston FINALLY did what I said they would do. Now, we’ll see if they can pull that off two weeks in a row. Buffalo seems to be slightly improved with Fitzpatrick at QB so we’ll see, but I have to believe the Texans won’t sink to their opponents level. Who am I kidding?
Bears over Browns: So glad I went with Chicago last week. Jeez. Cutler is such a wild card, I can’t believe Chitown gave him $30 mill. Enjoy it. Spectacular games mixed with spectacular flame outs. Oh, and sideline tirades and pouting. At least you’ll always have a show, Windy City! The Browns suck, though, so this week should be easy.
Cowboys over Seahawks: So last week Dallas decided to show up and play like they should. Can they do it two weeks in a row? Seattle isn’t exactly a formidable opponent but neither was KC. We’ll see which team appears. Miles Austin is having a hell of a year, since nobody will tackle him.
Lions over Rams: Dear God, I would rather be stabbed in the eye than watch this game. Not sure on Calvin Johnson’s status but I do know that the Rams are pretty damn putrid. And they’re worse than Tampa, at least I keep telling myself this. They need to keep that myth up so that I can lie to myself for a few more weeks. Go Lions!
Colts over 49ers: In Manning I Trust. This Manning anyway. Other Manning has let me down two weeks in a row. I do not want to have to change my motto. This could be a pretty good game, but as always, Peyton trumps rejuvenated SF, coming off a QB change.
Jets over Dolphins: I’m not sure what in the hell happened with the Dolphins last week. They scored like machines for most of the game but then pissed away an upset win over the Saints. I didn’t know they had it in them to score like that so this pick makes me nervous but I have to think that was an aberration. Right? I dunno, I’m going with the rookie QB with a few more games under his belt.
Giants over Eagles: I am not sure why I’m picking the Giants after they have failed me two weeks in a row, but I don’t see them losing 3. Philly has been kinda wild this season so I will go with the Manning, again. He best not let me down.
Ravens over Broncos: Yeah, I’m doing it. Again. Picking against Denver. Again. Probably getting bit in the ass. Again. But look, Baltimore has lost several games now and they can’t afford another one. And they’re a pretty good team. And the Broncos still have Orton behind center, which somehow has not hurt them yet. It has to eventually, doesn’t it? Argh. Stupid pick, I know, but I’m going for it.
Titans over Jaguars: Yep, I’m doing it. I’m picking one of the Ofer teams to get their first win. The Titans are going with Vince Young at QB, which might give them some more pep? Or not. I just really don’t trust Jags, who had to go OT to beat the Rams, let’s not forget. I’ll probably kick my own ass for making this pick tomorrow but for now, I’m going with my gut.
Chargers over Raiders: I still can’t figure out how Oak won 2 games. I really and truly can’t. They are godawful. SD is not good but they are good enough to beat the Raiders. Oh, and note to Jamarcus Russell…it is your fault. I know you don’t seem to realize that, but it really is.
Cardinals over Panthers: This is the kind of game that the Cards lose but I’m counting on newly anointed Douchetard Delhomme (which has an awesome ring to it) to throw a few more picks and keep the Cards rollin. Still love Fitz and Boldin.
Vikings over Packers: Favre Bowl Part 2. Last time around I picked the Pack to win and they failed me. This time, it’ll probably be the opposite. I honestly don’t know who to go for here. I figure, though, that Favre has stabbed Packer fans in the heart over and over this season so why not one more time? I still want to have Adrian Peterson’s babies, by the way.
Saints over Falcons: I actually think Atlanta could hang here but I’m going to go with the team that keeps on winning. I don’t think they will go 16-0, thank you very much Reggie Bush for making that prediction after week 7, but I think they’ll win a whole lot. Oh, and since I’m talking to Reggie, I would also like to address his commentary on proving himself and becoming MVP and going to the Pro Bowl. Um…no. If the MVP comes from the Saints, which it might, it will be your quarterback, numbnuts. Bush hasn’t even been that fabulous this year, Superman touchdown aside. The guy is delusional, must be from hanging out with the Kardashian bitches too often.
So there you have it, my predictions for the week that will be. Happily, Tampa is off so I get to watch 3 good games! I know, novel concept. Enjoy the weekend and I’ll be back with you soon.
Last Week: 9-5
Season Total: 70-34
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Houston not sinking to its opponent’s level? This is a team that knows how to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, never underestimate their ability to foul things up!
Douchetard Delhomme, it does have a nice ring to it. Those are some pretty . . . amazing stats indeed, aren’t they?
God help me, but I kind of love Jay Cutler. There, I said it. Yes, in all his whiny, pouty glory. Do I just have bad taste? Do I just like drama queens? (No, not usually.) Maybe he just keeps me on my toes.
Hee, well you note that I did doubt Houston’s ability to do such a thing. But they did finally bend to my will last week so I’m hoping we can start a little streak of happiness. That or I will just pick them every week and keep making them lose. I will do it!
Amazing is such the word for Douchetard Delhomme…it’s amazing that the Panthers continue to let him start. I don’t know who their backup QB is but he must be godawful if they’re not considering putting him in.
You love Jay??? I love him in the sense that I keep imagining someone is going to pop him one on the sidelines! It WILL happen. I wish he could get TO on his team.
I am picking the Ravens over the Broncos too.
So far good candidate for Doucetard of the Year in Delhomme!
Ha, good, so I’m not alone in my distrust of the Broncos. I just cannot get over the Orton factor. It has to bite them in the ass sometime, right?
Jake is definitely the leading candidate for DT of the year, though maybe the Bucs and Rams owners could be considered as well? But for players, he’s definitely leading the way!
I’ve got your douchtard for this week. It’s got to be Warner. And I was actually there to watch that nightmare of a game! My first Cardinals game too. I still had fun though! Even without the win.
Hee, glad you had fun, but yeah, I had already decided on Warner! When you outdouche Jake Delhomme, that’s sayin something! Not a good day at all. Eli Manning was a strong contender this week as well!